Page 78 of Our Secrets and Lies

Once inside the apartment, they were pulling at each other’s clothes. Lucy felt a tear as he yanked down the zip on her dress, but she didn’tcare. Once they were naked, they fell onto the rug on the floor of the sitting room. And, finally, Lucy had her oblivion. There was nothing but his body, his breath against her cheek, the weight of him on top of her. She closed her eyes and gave herself over to it, letting it blot out everything else in her life. Everything.

Damien clicked the fire on and fetched a blanket, two glasses and abottle of wine. They stayed on the floor, blanket over them, glasses filled, giggling like teenagers.

‘That was fantastic,’ he said, kissing her neck.

‘Oh, God, I needed it so badly,’ Lucy said. ‘There’s so much going on at the moment, I don’t have a second for myself. Being with you is my only escape.’

Damien lit a cigarette. ‘I love this,’ he said. ‘Let’s never stop.’

She smiled at him andtook the cigarette from him. She never smoked except when she was with him. He was her outlet. She drank too much wine as well when they were together. It was like a release. But she also had to be careful: this wasn’t love. She knew that. It was wonderful, it got her through, and she knew he relished it too, but she wasn’t in love with him and never would be. She didn’t think he was in love withher either: he just thought he was because thingswere easy between them in a way he had never experienced with anyone else. She had to mind his feelings, though, and make sure he was always aware that while this was a wonderful arrangement, it would never become anything else.

‘We’ll keep doing it until you find the one,’ Lucy said lightly. ‘Then I’ll let you go.’

Damien looked at the fireand said nothing. She felt a flash of guilt, but it was better to be honest.

He looked up and smiled. ‘New conversation,’ he said. ‘How is the alma mater of our friend Leslie working out for Kelly and Dylan?’

Lucy passed him the cigarette. ‘It’s mad, isn’t it, that they’re going to St Jude’s, of all places? I’d never have thought it possible. But they’re both doing well. Dylan is flying it,of course. He was straight in with his team, making friends, so he’s loving it. It’s such a fantastic opportunity.’

‘And Kelly?’ Damien asked.

Lucy sighed. ‘She’s taking longer to settle. She keeps going on about her old school, but all I can tell her is that this is the best thing that’s ever happened to her, to us, and hope that she makes the most of it.’

‘It’s a big change at that age,’Damien said. ‘Going into a place where everyone has their cliques. Has to be hard on her.’

‘I know,’ Lucy said. ‘But she’s nearly an adult so, really, she has to get on with it. The good thing is, she’s very bright. I’m really hoping she’ll choose law. I’m sort of quietly pushing it every chance I get. The problem is she’s into clothes designing and fashion, and that’s distracting her. But I’vetold her it’s best kept as a hobby, that there’s no money or decent career opportunities in it.’

‘I wouldn’t say that,’ Damien said gently. ‘If Kelly has the brains to match her creative interest, she could be one of those designers who go far. You can be sure Victoria Beckhammakes far more than your average lawyer,’ he said, passing the cigarette back for Lucy to finish.

Lucy shook her head.‘I want her to use her brilliant mind, Damien. If she becomes a lawyer, she’ll have a good solid career and will never need to depend on any man. It’ll give her independence, which is what I want for her.’

Damien nodded. ‘I understand where you’re coming from with that,’ he said.

Lucy stubbed out the cigarette. ‘I won’t let her end up like me.’

He looked at her. ‘You don’t really mean that,do you?’

‘Of course,’ Lucy said. ‘I’m nothing. A failure. I want so much more for Kelly.’

‘I don’t see you like that,’ he said.

‘That,’ Lucy said, rolling on top of him, ‘is because you are a wonderful man and I’m pretty damn good in bed.’

He took her face in his hands. ‘Stop doing that, Lucy. Stop putting yourself down. You’re not a failure, you’re absolutely fantastic.’

Lucy kissed him.He was sweet and kind. But Leslie’s words had stung deeply because she believed them. She was a pathetic college drop-out.

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