Page 100 of Seven Letters

‘Look, I have to keep Mia and Charlie away from her. I can’t handle them telling me I’m wrong, telling me to switch off the ventilator, to let her go. It’s like a drill in my head. I can’t focus when they’re around. I’m worried, Rob. I’m scared they’ll talk to the doctors behind my back. This is my wife, my baby, my decision.’

Rob shook his head. ‘I understand that it’s your decision, and I’m with you on this, but locking them out from their own sister and daughter, that’s kind of something else. I’m not sure you’re thinking straight, man.’

‘I didn’t want to send the solicitor’s letter,’ Adam said defensively, ‘but I’m afraid of them. I’m afraid they’ll do something when I’m not here. I need them to go away and let me make my own decisions without their constant opinions in my ear, morning, noon and night. I just cannot take another lecture on why it’s wrong to keep Sarah alive. It’s like they don’t realize how hard this is for me. Yes, it would be easier to say stop, but I have to give my boy every possible chance. Don’t I, Rob? Don’t I?’

Rob looked at him and bit his lip. ‘Yes, you do. If there’s a chance, I understand you want to take it.Ifthere’s a chance.’

‘Don’t you turn on me too,’ Adam growled.

‘I’m not,’ Rob said quickly. ‘I’m just saying that it’s important we assess things realistically. Your son is very tiny and very vulnerable. We have to take everything into account.’

‘That’s what I’m doing,’ Adam said, jumping up. His body felt restless and trapped. He ached in every joint and muscle from the stiff chairs and the lack of sleep. He was like an alien to himself.

‘Calm down. We’re just talking,’ Rob said, raising his hands. ‘That’s all.’

Before Adam could answer, the waiting-room door pushedopen and he whirled round to make sure it wasn’t Mia or Charlie. It was Dr Mayhew.

‘Adam, I was wondering if I could have a word?’

‘Sure, go ahead,’ Adam said. ‘You know my brother Rob. You can say anything in front of him.’

‘Let’s take a seat,’ the doctor said. He sat across from Adam and threaded his fingers together. ‘Adam, I know you’ve endured a singularly terrible trauma in what has happened to your wife, and while this is awful for you to hear, I feel it’s important that you are made fully aware of the facts of Sarah’s deterioration. Charlie and Mia have spoken to me and they are deeply concerned about Sarah’s condition. I know you’re the next-of-kin and that Sarah is your wife and this is your baby. I know you have issues with Mia and Charlie, but my staff and I can’t enter into those disagreements. I hope you understand our impartiality.’

‘Talk to them all you want,’ Adam said, ‘but I don’t want them here and I’ve made that clear. Whatever they say to you doesn’t hold weight with me. I’m just doing my best for Ben. That’s all I care about.’

‘It’s good we understand each other. Now, I have to prepare you for today and the coming days, Adam, as the deterioration progresses. There are currently seven different syringe pumps needed to give Sarah the range of antibiotics necessary to combat the infections in her brain and body. These medications will affect the foetus. The wound in Sarah’s head needs constant dressing. She has neurosurgical meningitis. She also has pneumonia, a urinary tract infection, a high temperature, a high white cell count, an increased heart rate, and liver dysfunction. I don’t mean to be brutal or harsh, Adam, I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I need you to understand how dire the situation has become. There is evidence of a fungus growing on Sarah’s brain.’

Shock jolted Adam and bile rose in his throat. He rushed across the room and threw up in a bin in the corner, his body heaving.

‘Jesus, Doctor, go easy on him,’ Rob said angrily. ‘That’s too much.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Dr Mayhew said, his voice full of emotion. ‘I just need you to see the truth. This is the most difficult case I have ever worked on. I know this decision is unbearable, but your wife’s body is literally falling apart and we can’t stop it.’

Adam wiped his mouth with his hand. His brain was racing so fast he couldn’t catch hold of the thoughts. He was capable of focusing on only one thing at a time. ‘But the baby still has a heartbeat, right?’

Dr Mayhew sighed. ‘We can detect a foetal heartbeat, yes, but the chances of survival are, at this point, non-existent. That is the considered opinion of every member of the medical team, from every discipline. It’s unanimous.’

‘Exactly. It’s your opinion. You’re not sitting here with anything other than an opinion. My opinion says heartbeat equals life. I choose life.’

‘Adam,’ Dr Mayhew said, sitting forward, ‘please listen to me. The foetus is –’

‘I need air,’ Adam said. He couldn’t take another second of this. The stale air of the waiting room was clawing at his throat. He pulled open the door and walked quickly down the hall, away from Dr Mayhew and his Doomsday scenarios.

Adam went towards the hospital exit. He heard running footsteps behind him and knew without turning that it would be Rob.

‘I can’t breathe,’ he said, as Rob drew up alongside him.

‘We’re nearly there. Keep going. Fresh air will do you good,’ Rob said, steering his brother by his elbow towards the door.

Adam stepped outside and drew in a huge lungful of fresh air. When he opened his eyes, he saw Mia. She was the last person he’d expected to be there.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘I’ve come to see my sister.’

‘You’re banned. I banned you.’

‘Look, Adam, I don’t want to argue with you. She’s my sister. I want to see her, to talk to her.’

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