Page 113 of Seven Letters

Rob followed her back through the corridors and across the yard to the main gate. It was quiet now. She unlocked the gate and locked it again behind him.

‘I guess I’ll see you later,’ Rob said.

‘Yeah, I’ll be in about half four, if you want to warn Adam. And thanks so much again for sorting this.’

Rob walked away, glad that he had helped, but also burdened by all that he couldn’t change. His brother was locked away behind his grief and pain, and he was powerless to set him free.

43

Mia went through her usual routine of hand-sanitizing, apron, gloves and mask. Angela popped out of Sarah’s room. ‘Hi.’

‘Hi there. Are you finished?’ Mia asked.

‘Yes, you can go in now. How long do you have?’

‘One hour, on the clock,’ Mia said.

‘I’m glad you were able to work something out,’ Angela said.

‘Rob is supposed to sit in with me, but he’s very kindly offered to stay in the waiting room so I can have some time alone with her. But if Adam should ask you, say that Rob and I were in there the whole time.’

‘I get you. No worries.’

‘Rob mentioned some fresh complications?’ Mia said, afraid to hear the answer.

Angela nodded. ‘The infections are getting worse, I’m sorry to say. We can’t control them. They’re coming from so many different sources. Her poor body is giving up.’

‘And is the baby still …’

Angela’s eyes welled up. ‘Yes, we can still get that heartbeat, but I don’t think it’ll be long before it …’

‘I hope so,’ Mia said softly. ‘I’ll go in now.’

She opened the door and took a deep breath. She hadn’t thought it possible for Sarah to look worse, but she did. Her eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of her head. Her body was even more bloated, while the wound in her head was oozing pus and now had a fungal infection. The team were masking the odours with creams, but Mia could still detect a sour smell that made her stomach turn.

She reached for the lavender hand cream in her bag, rubbed it into her gloves and inhaled deeply, then walked over and sat in the chair by the bed. As usual, she picked up Sarah’s hands and began to massage the cream into them.

‘I saw Izzy yesterday, Sarah. She’s so excited about her Communion. We did a rehearsal in the church and she was perfect, as always. She was talking about her hair. I hope Riley and I can do a good job. She said you’d picked out a particular style and that the photo is on your phone. I’ll have to contact Adam about it. He has your mobile. Things are still a bit strained between us, but we’ll work it out. The only thing that matters is Izzy, and I’ll swallow all my pride and anger for her, I promise.

‘This might be my last time in to see you, sis. Angela and the doctors don’t seem to hold out much hope for the baby lasting much longer, although they can’t say for sure. We all just want you to be able to rest in peace now. You and Ben. At least you’ll have him with you. It’s a strange comfort.’

Mia looked at her unrecognizable sister, at all the monitors and machines that were slowly engulfing her. Sarah was disappearing inside the tangle of wires, drips and tubes. You wouldn’t wish this on your worst enemy, Mia thought. Such a terrible death. If she could be granted one wish, it would be to die at home, in her warm bed, with no interventions, no doctors, no machines. Their noise filled the room, making Sarah’s still silence seem even louder.

Mia pulled out the diary and flicked through the pages. She fell on Christmas 2017.

‘I’ve just finished wrapping Izzy’s gifts. We went overboard this year. I think the fact that she is still an only child made both me and Adam go a bit bonkers. It’s as if we’re filling the void and disappointment with gifts.

‘I so want to give Adam a baby, but I have to accept that it may not happen and Izzy is enough. She is enough for anyone. She gets more beautiful and funny and wonderful by the minute. She’s like my best friend. I know that sounds soppy and sad, but she really is. There is no one I’d rather spend time with than my seven-year-old daughter.’

Oh, Sarah, if only you’d known you’d be pregnant with Ben in the new year. Then again, if you’d known how that pregnancy would end your heart would have broken.

‘They say that dads find it hard when their daughters get married and go off and live with someone else. I’ll find it really hard. I want Izzy to live with me for ever. No man will ever be good enough for her. She’s perfect in every way, and, yes, I’m obviously ridiculously biased, but she is.

‘I’m dreading tomorrow a bit because it’s our first time to meet Dad’s new “friend” Olivia. He’s bringing her to lunch here with all of us. He met her in the golf club about six weeks ago and seems very keen.

‘Mia hates her already, even though she hasn’t met her. Adam keeps winding Mia up saying, “Charlie seems really happy and full of beans. It must be all the sex.” I told him to stop. I don’t particularly want to think about Dad having sex with Olivia either. Although, to be fair, if he is, good on him.

‘Johnny’s lost his job. The newspaper closed down. So Mia’s in bad form. I hope she doesn’t drink too much wine. She’s a bit spiky at the moment.’

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