Page 129 of Seven Letters

‘Oh, but –’ She looked frantically at Angela and then at Adam. ‘She can’t … It’s not …’

Adam looked at the horrified face of the therapist andpaused at the door. ‘You know what, Izzy? Let me pop in first and see that Mummy’s OK. I’ll just be a second.’

‘Daddy!Hurry up.’ Izzy groaned.

The door shut behind him and Adam stood in the room he had become so familiar with. He walked over to the bed. The tubes, the machines, the infections, the fungus … Suddenly he saw it. He saw his wife through Izzy’s eyes. The eyes of an innocent seven-year-old, who remembered her mother as a beautiful, living, smiling, laughing woman.

He saw her for what she had become. He saw her for the first time not as his wife, his beloved, but the bloated corpse she was.

How could he bring Izzy in here? How could he let her last memory of her mother be this horrific sight? Adam bent over and pain shot through his heart.

‘Sarah. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. How did I let this happen? My beautiful Sarah. I’m so sorry. Forgive me. Please forgive me. I wanted to keep you and Ben alive – I wanted to fight. I wanted never to let go.’

He slid to the floor. ‘Sarah,’ he wept, ‘forgive me.’

There was a bang on the door. ‘Daddy! I want to come in.’

Adam moved to the door to block it. ‘No, Izzy. I’m sorry, but you can’t see Mummy.’

‘You promised!’ Izzy shouted.

‘I know, and I’m so sorry. It was stupid of me and wrong of me. You can’t come in, Izzy.’

‘I can and I will,’ Izzy screamed. ‘Let me see my mummy. I need to wake her up. Let me in, Daddy! She needs to see my dress.’

‘I can’t, Izzy. I’m so sorry.’

‘Mummy? Mummy! It’s Izzy! Wake up!’ she cried. ‘I’m here to see you.’

Adam heard Angela’s voice. ‘Hey, now, Izzy, will you bethe best girl and just sit outside for a minute and I’ll go in and see what’s happening? Your mummy might need some extra medicine.’

Angela knocked gently on the door. He opened it to let her in. With one look, Angela knew. ‘You’ve made the right decision, Adam. She shouldn’t see her mother like this.’

‘I’ve been so blind and stupid,’ Adam sobbed. ‘How could I have even considered bringing Izzy in?’

‘She’s a very determined little lady who wanted to see her mother. You’re just doing your best under the circumstances.’

‘Look at her!’ Adam cried. ‘She’s a stranger, a corpse. That is not my wife. That is not Izzy’s mother. Ben could never survive in there – I see it now. Oh, God, I see it. I’ve lost them, Angela, I’ve lost them.’

Angela held him while his body convulsed and he wept.

‘Now, Adam, you need to take a deep breath and go out there to talk to that confused little girl. It’s going to be hard but at least she’ll know, instead of living in this awful limbo.’

‘It’s going to break her little heart.’ Adam gulped back tears.

Angela wiped away a tear from her cheek. ‘Come on, now. You can do this, Adam. You’re a good father and she needs you. Children are amazingly resilient. Just keep telling her that you’re there for her.’

Adam dug deep into the depths of his body to find the willpower to walk down the corridor and tell Izzy the news that would shatter her.

‘Daddy! I’m sick of waiting,’ Izzy snapped, when she saw Adam.

‘Izzy, I need you to sit down. I need to tell you something.’

Izzy’s eyes grew wide and frightened. ‘Is it bad?’ she asked, her chin trembling.

Adam nodded. ‘I’m so sorry, Sweet-pea, but Mummy isn’t going to wake up, ever. Mummy has died and gone to Heaven.’

‘But she can’t have.’ Izzy clutched her little white bag to her chest. ‘She can’t be dead. Today is the day she wakes up. Let me see her, Daddy. I can wake her up. I know I can.’ Izzy jumped up. ‘Let me talk to her. Mummy!’ she shouted.

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