Page 13 of Seven Letters

‘But how do you know? You said when I was born your heart was full to the top with love. There’s no room for you to love the baby unless you love me a bit less.’

‘Oh, Izzy,’ Sarah said, resting her forehead against her daughter’s. ‘My heart is big enough to love lots of people. You, Daddy, Mia, Riley, Granddad and Johnny, and Rob and Ellen in Canada and lots of other people. The heart is a muscle, so the more you love, the bigger and stronger it gets.’

‘For real?’

‘Yes. I will always love you, Sweet-pea.’

‘So when the baby comes, you’ll love it the same as me?’

‘Well,’ Sarah whispered in her daughter’s ear, ‘I’ll let you in on a secret. I’ll love the baby so much, but I’m not sure I can love anyone more than I love you.’

Izzy beamed. ‘Me too, Mummy. I love you the best.’

They hugged, and Sarah inhaled the scent of her daughter. She felt as if her heart might just overflow.

Adam came into the bedroom and handed Sarah a mug of tea. She was sitting up in bed, wearing her most comfy brushed-cotton dove-grey pyjamas. Mia always joked that Sarah’s ‘worst’ pyjamas were better than her own best ones. Mia usually slept in an old pair of leggings and one of Johnny’s big T-shirts. Sarah had lots of silky pyjamas that Mia said were far too good to wear. But Sarah liked making aneffort to look nice, even in bed. But not tonight: tonight she was cross and tired.

‘You’re not forgiven,’ she said to her husband.

He sighed. ‘For the millionth time, I’m sorry.’ He had loosened his tie and the top button of his shirt was open. His brown eyes had dark shadows under them. But Sarah was not going to feel sorry for him, not now. She didn’t care how tired he was: she was tired too.

‘It was really important to me, Adam. I wanted you there with me for the scan.’

‘I wanted to be there, but the meeting ran over and I couldn’t just get up and leave. This is a huge contract for us. It’s going to make us a lot of money.’

Sarah put the mug down carefully on a magazine on her bedside locker. ‘I don’t care about having more money. I care about you being around for this baby, Adam. You work all the time. Izzy’s growing up and you’re missing it. I feel like a single parent, you’re so busy all the time.’

Adam rubbed his jaw. ‘Look, the recession almost destroyed my business. No one wanted new bathrooms when they couldn’t pay their mortgages. I have to grab these big opportunities when they come along. I can’t let up now things are good again. I won’t let my family down like my dad did. I’m doing this for us, for security, for our future, for our kids.’

Sarah took his hand. ‘I know your dad went off the rails and lost everything after your mum died, but you’re not him. We’re not them. You’re a strong man who’s always been so responsible, and I love that about you. I’m not going anywhere so I’ll be here for the kids, always. But you don’t need to prove anything to anyone any more. You’re successful, you’re together, you provide well for us financially and I really appreciate that. But Izzy and this new baby need you to be their dad as well as their provider. Izzy craves moretime with you. When you’re home, you’re on your phone all the time. Please, Adam, promise me you’ll try to get a better life–work balance. Being at that scan on my own was grim. Dad had to step in and hold my hand.’

Adam kissed her. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll try, I promise. I guess I’ll never feel safe. When you’ve grown up with a deadbeat dad and had to rob your classmates’ sandwiches as your only food for the day, you always worry about the future.’

‘Your childhood was horribly tough, but look at what you have now. We have a great life. Don’t miss it by working all the time.’

Adam kissed her again. ‘How did I get so lucky with you?’

‘Charm, good looks and great sex.’ Sarah laughed and sank back into her pillow, yawning.

‘Are you OK?’

‘Yeah. I just feel wiped out. I’m going to get some iron tomorrow – I think I need a boost. Mia very kindly offered to take Izzy to school in the morning.’

‘She loves helping you out. It makes her feel like she has control.’

‘Stop it.’

‘It’s true. She’s so domineering. She treats everyone like they’re her students. Poor Johnny’s completely bitch-slapped.’

‘No, he’s not. He’s really happy with her.’

Adam raised an eyebrow. ‘Is he?’

‘Yes, he is.’ Sarah wished Adam and Mia got on better. They’d always had an edgy relationship. Adam had found Mia ‘too much’ from the day they’d first met, when she’d peppered him with questions.

‘It was like an interrogation,’ he’d complained to Sarah afterwards.

‘She’s just protective of me. There’s five years between us, so she’s always looked out for me.’

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