Page 137 of Seven Letters

Angela came over to her. ‘I heard the news. We’re all so relieved that Adam has come around to making the right decision. How are you?’

Mia thought. How was she? ‘Sad. Just really, deeply sad.’

‘Oh, love.’ Angela hugged her. ‘This has been the most heartbreaking case I’ve ever witnessed, and I’ve worked in ICU for twenty-five years. I don’t know how you’re all still standing.’

‘Me neither. I guess we’re all stronger than we think. Talking to Adam this evening was incredible. It was like he’d come back to us. In a strange and complicated way, we had a good day, despite everything.’

‘I’m so glad to hear that. Families need to stick together in times of sorrow.’

Mia nodded. ‘Yes, they do.’

‘Do you want to go in and see her?’

‘Yes. Adam says the machine will be switched off tomorrow. I want to say a final goodbye.’

‘Of course you do. I’ll make sure no one disturbs you.’

Mia sat in the hospital room and listened to the ventilator. The familiar noise soothed her. She took out a scented candle – Jo Malone Peony & Blush Suede, Sarah’s favourite – and lit it.

As the scent filled the room, Mia pulled a sheet of paper out of her bag. Johnny had barely looked up when she’d left the house. He’d been locked away in the bedroom on his computer since they’d got back. He seemed very stressed about the article he was working on. Mia hoped to God it would get him the job.

Watching him, she’d thought she should write down what she wanted to say to Sarah. Get her thoughts straight before her final conversation. She’d scribbled down her thoughts.

‘Hey, Sarah, it’s me. This is goodbye, my darling. I’ll never be the same again, not without you, but I’m so glad Adam is ready to let you go. It’s awful, but it’s the right thing to do. I wrote down some final thoughts and things I want to say to you. And I’m afraid you can’t get away, so you’ll have to hear me out.’ She smiled sadly at her sister.

‘I can’t believe this day has come. I know you left us a while ago, but in the weirdest, most messed up of ways I still felt as if you were here. This has been the most awful, unimaginably difficult few weeks of all our lives. Our grief for you is so acute, it matches our love for you.

‘And, Sarah, you are deeply loved. You are adored. We are heartbroken without you. For a while we were lost. But I think, now, maybe we can see our way back.

‘I don’t think I ever realized what a central point you were in our family. You were the core. You loved and were loved by all of us. Everyone else has little issues and grumbles with the others, but not you. Everyone loved you.

‘I used to get frustrated with you for not doing more with your life. What a fool I was. What a complete idiot.

‘Your simplicity was the best thing about you. You never looked for more, just appreciated deeply what you had. You were content. I think I’ll spend my whole life looking for contentment, but you had it. Youknew how lucky you were. You knew how good your life was. You loved deeply and were loved deeply in return.

‘People spend thousands of pounds and a lifetime seeking what you had – pure and simple happiness. Satisfaction with your lot.

‘You were never grumpy or stressed or overwhelmed, because you didn’t let yourself be. You were so much smarter than me, than all of us. You kept your life small and perfect. You had time for those you loved. You didn’t waste time on people who were not important to you. You focused on your loved ones and never wanted what others had because you had all that you wanted.

‘You didn’t need a bigger circle. You didn’t need more people in your life, more noise, more commitments, more stuff. You knew what was important and you nurtured that. Adam and Izzy were your world.

‘I remember getting really cross with you when you said you wouldn’t come to the theatre with me to see an all-star cast inGlengarry Glen Ross.I’d bought you a ticket as a birthday gift and you said you were sorry, but you had planned a birthday dinner with Adam and Izzy that night. I told you to do your birthday dinner the night before or the night after, that this was a one-off performance, a chance to see incredible actors in a wonderful play.

‘“I’m sorry, Mia,” you said, “but I’ve told Adam and Izzy we’re having a celebration dinner that night and I won’t change it.”

‘You were polite but firm. I knew you wouldn’t budge, and I was cross. But you were right. You were right to prioritize your husband and daughter. You were right not to let them down and change your plans. They were the loves of your life.

‘When I tried to suggest you get a part-time job because you “must be bored”, you were firm then too. “I am in the lucky position that I don’t need to work and I’m choosing not to. I want to be here for Izzy. If she’s sick, I want to look after her. If she forgets her lunch or her tennis racquet, I want to bring it in to her. If she has one line in the school play, I want to be in the front row. I don’t want to have anything that gets in the way of being her mother.”

‘I thought it was ridiculous, but you would not budge. Again, you were right. Your relationship with Izzy was incredible. The love you had for her, and her for you was extraordinary.’

Mia paused and took a minute to gather herself. This was hard. Every time she thought of the huge loss in Izzy’s life she felt as if she was being stabbed in the heart.

‘And Dad. You were so good to Dad when Mum died. Always there for him. Giving him so much time and help, constantly checking in on him so I didn’t have to. You took on the lion’s share of looking after Dad. You kept saying, “I’m not working, it’s easy for me.” But it wasn’t easy for you. You were grieving Mum’s death too. But you put Dad and me first. You gave me space to grieve and not feel guilty about looking after Dad, and you gave him all the support he needed.

‘I don’t know if I ever thanked you properly for that. And even with Olivia. I hated her on sight, but you kept pointing out, “It’s good for Dad,” and again, you were right. Even though she is the most annoying person on earth, she is good for Dad. I do see that now.

‘And Riley, you were so good with her. You always pointed out her good qualities and reminded me of how wonderful she is underneath her prickly exterior. Reading your diary has reminded me of how lucky I am to have a wonderful daughter and how I need to ease up on Riley and stop being on her back all the time.

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