Page 34 of Seven Letters

‘Yes, it is shit.’

‘Will she come out of it soon?’ Riley’s voice shook.

Mia leaned against the kitchen table as a pain shot through her chest. ‘I don’t know. No one really knows.’

11

Mia had told Johnny that she’d head over to Adam and Sarah’s house to pick up some things for Adam, but on the way there she realized Charlie might appreciate the same gesture. Olivia was in Limerick, visiting her ‘brilliant’ son with his ‘amazing’ PhD, so Mia took the turn that brought her towards Charlie’s house and went there first.

She let herself in and was struck immediately by how tidy the house was. It was completely different from how it had been after Penny died and before Charlie had met Olivia. A bunch of cheerful purple tulips sat in a vase on the kitchen table. The kitchen didn’t smell of fried food, and dirty dishes were not piled high in the sink. Charlie’s jumpers, socks and shoes weren’t strewn about the place. Everything was fresh and clean and smelt lemony. Clearly, Olivia was a good influence on Charlie in some ways. That, or he was scared of her and tidied up more.

Just as Mia was feeling slightly more charitable towards Olivia, she spotted it: the beautiful photo of Charlie and Penny on their wedding day was gone. Both had their heads thrown back and were roaring laughing. Penny often said she didn’t like that photo because her mouth was wide open and all you could see were her teeth, but Mia and Sarah loved it. It captured their parents in a moment of pure joy, young, carefree and in love.

Instead, in the spot where it had been, there was one of Olivia and Charlie taken at some golf outing. Mia wanted to throw it against the wall and hear the glass shatter. How dareshe? How dare Olivia try to erase her mother from her own home?

Mia went into the TV room to see if the photos of her and Sarah on their wedding days and photos of their children had also been moved, but they hadn’t. Sitting proudly on the mantelpiece above the gas fire were all the family photos, as they had always been. Penny was there, at the weddings and christenings, beaming out from the frames. Mia felt her heart slow down. Olivia hadn’t wiped them all out of existence … yet.

Mia picked up a photo of her mother holding Riley as a baby. ‘Oh, Mum, where are you when I need you? Sarah’s bad, Mum. I’m terrified, but I’m trying to be positive.’ She kissed her mother’s face and sobbed into her hand. ‘I need to be strong, Mum, I know I do, for everyone, but I can’t bear anything to happen to Sarah. I love her so much. I wish you were here. You’d know what to do.’

Mia remembered telling her sister recently about her habit of talking to Penny.

Was that just the other day? Time seemed to have expanded in the hours since Sarah’s collapse. It was a strange feeling.

Mia went upstairs and threw a jumper, some toothpaste, a toothbrush and a deodorant into a bag. She checked Charlie’s bedside locker and added his Kindle, some Polo mints, his reading glasses and earphones. She unplugged his phone charger and put that in as well. Then she opened the chest-of-drawers that stood in the bay window to get socks and fresh underwear. As she grabbed a pair of boxer shorts, something fell to the floor.

Mia bent down to pick it up. Oh, my God! It was a small packet of condoms. Gross! Why the hell did they need condoms at their age? Olivia was hardly going to get pregnant. Wait until I tell Sarah, she thought … and froze. Would sheever be able to tell Sarah this story? Yes, she thought fiercely. I’ll be telling her this story soon and we’ll crack up laughing together. She pictured the scene, her sister hanging on her every word, then exploding with mirth at the mention of condoms. She willed it to be true by picturing every detail. Sarah would wake up, she told herself. Her sister would come back to her.

After she left Charlie’s house, it took fifteen minutes to get to Sarah’s. The alarm wasn’t on because they’d left in such a rush earlier, so she turned Adam’s key in the lock, opened the door and stepped into the silence.

She stood in the hallway, staring down at the place where she’d found Sarah that morning. It took an effort of will to walk forwards and into the house.

It was so quiet. She kept expecting Sarah to pop out of a room and tell her the kettle was on or the wine was in the fridge. Even the silence sounded different now, deeper and sort of sinister. Mia shivered, then chided herself for being silly. She walked down to the kitchen, the beautifully clean and neat kitchen that Sarah maintained to perfection every single day. She had created a photo-montage on the back wall, with happy memories from their lives. In every one, Sarah was smiling, beaming, radiating joy: holding Izzy as a baby, marrying Adam, giving Riley a piggyback, with Mia and Penny and Charlie at Christmas years ago …

Mia had to turn away. It was too painful. She needed to focus on the future, on the positive, stay strong for Sarah and Adam and her dad.

Sarah’s handbag was on the kitchen counter. Mia opened it and looked inside. There was a box of paracetamol, and Mia’s heart lurched. If only Sarah had told her about the headaches, she’d have made her go to the doctor. Sarah’sphone was in there as well now, so she decided to bring the bag with her to Adam.

She went upstairs to their dressing room and opened some drawers – all neatly organized. She chose a pair of bright red silk pyjamas. Sarah would like to look good in hospital. She added her sister’s hairbrush, slippers, make-up bag and face cream. She was about to leave when she decided to get a second pair of pyjamas. They’d no idea how long Sarah would be kept in, so it would be good to have a fresh change. She opened the drawer in which her sister kept them and took out a soft grey cotton pair. As she lifted them out, she saw Sarah’s diary. The famous diary. Mia smiled through her tears. She’d bought the big, chunky book for Sarah just before her wedding. But it was still going strong, all these years later. Sarah said it was the best gift because, although she only wrote in it occasionally, it created a record of her life and the good times.

Mia picked it up and held it to her nose. The leather cover smelt of Sarah’s perfume. She inhaled deeply. Just holding it made her feel closer to her sister.

Mia put Sarah’s belongings and some things for Adam and Izzy into a gym bag. But she kept the diary aside. As she was about to leave the room, she saw a beautiful photo of Izzy on Sarah’s bedside locker. She put it into the bag. If anything was going to make Sarah fight for her life, it would be Izzy.

Mia went downstairs, put the diary into her own handbag, collected Sarah’s, then took the whole lot out to the car. She felt a bit guilty about keeping the diary, but she needed something of Sarah to keep her going. Adam might not even know about it. She couldn’t really explain it, but she wanted to keep it close to her, keep it safe for Sarah.

Mia went into the waiting room and found Charlie sitting on his own. Her heart broke at the sight of him, looking soforlorn. She went straight over and sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his shoulder. ‘Are you OK, Dad?’

He patted her hand. ‘I’ve been better, love, but I’m glad to see you.’

‘I hope you don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I ran into your place on the way and grabbed a few things I thought you’d need if you decided to stay over.’

‘That was very thoughtful,’ he said, smiling at her. ‘Thanks for thinking of me. Olivia’s coming back tomorrow. She wants to be here.’

‘Great,’ Mia said, hoping her tone didn’t give away her actual thoughts. Olivia would be overwhelming in this tiny room, but if she brought Charlie comfort, that was all that mattered.

The door opened and Adam came in. Mia was taken aback by the change in him in such a short space of time. He looked exhausted and he was stooping, as if he’d aged twenty years since that morning. ‘Sit down,’ she said. ‘You look done in. How is she?’

‘I got to sit with her for a bit,’ he said. ‘It’s so hard because she looks just like herself, but there’s no movement. She’s hooked up to all these tubes and machines … I tried talking to her, but I don’t know if she could hear me. She didn’t react at all. Not even a flicker of her eyelids.’

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