Page 57 of Seven Letters

21

Mia drove home through a fog of tears. She needed to see Riley and Johnny. She needed to be with her little family. She wanted to hug Izzy, too. What were they going to do about Izzy? Adam said he wanted her to think Sarah was still alive and just sleeping. If they were going to save the baby, Izzy needed to think that her mum was sleeping. Getting her head around the reality would be traumatic and unnecessary, he’d said. Mia had felt confused, not sure what her own thoughts were on the matter. She felt Rob was in the same boat. But they had to support Adam because he was in Hell right now.

When she got home, Johnny was cooking dinner for the girls. He was wearing the apron that Riley had bought him for Christmas. It was bright red and said, ‘Who needs hair with a body like this?’ Johnny had laughed when he’d opened it and put it on straight away. He wore it all the time. It had been a very thoughtful gift. Johnny had struggled with losing his hair. He’d only finally shaved his head in November last year. Mia thought he looked better with it shaved. The receding hairline had been more ageing than the baldness.

It had taken him a few weeks to get used to it, and just as he was beginning to feel better about the hair loss, he’d lost his job.

Riley was upstairs doing her homework and Izzy was watching a movie in the TV room. Mia dropped her bag on the floor and ran to her husband.

Johnny wrapped his arms around her. ‘Bad news?’

‘She’s gone. Pam Neelan confirmed it.’ Mia burst into tears.

‘What? For sure?’ He bent his head against hers and she felt his shoulders shake with sobs. ‘Our Sarah. Oh, love, I’m so sorry.’ They held each other tightly. He handed her a tissue and wiped his own eyes with the bottom of the apron.

‘I can’t believe it,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I just can’t take it in. We didn’t get to say goodbye or anything.’

‘It’s so messed up,’ Mia said, sniffing. ‘She’s dead but she’s not. We’re keeping her alive for the baby.’

Johnny sighed deeply. ‘But she’s only fourteen weeks pregnant. I thought it might be viable when I found those few miracle cases online, but hearing what the doctors said, I mean, it makes sense that the poor little thing would likely be severely damaged, doesn’t it? He’s been through as much as Sarah, and when they said she was going to start disintegrating … Man, that’s just …’

Mia blew her nose. ‘I feel so conflicted about it, but Adam wants to try, and I understand that. It’s all he has. Sarah would want to try too. I know she would.’

‘Fair enough, but he has Izzy to think of now,’ Johnny said quietly. ‘And I’ve been doing more research. I have to warn you, love, it says that the dead person’s body may deteriorate significantly. It’s going to be very hard to watch that. You need to prepare yourselves.’

Mia sighed. ‘How can you prepare yourself for anything? I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe my sister is dead because she kind of isn’t. She is, but her body isn’t. God, it’s so hard, Johnny. I feel as if I can’t really grieve her because she’s not gone, it’s not over. It’s a nightmare.’

Johnny held her close and rubbed her back. ‘What are you going to say to Izzy?’

Mia’s face crumpled. ‘We have to lie to her and say Sarah’s still sleeping. I promised Adam we’d follow his line on this.He’s going to bring her in to see Sarah this evening. He’s gone home to shower and get himself together before seeing her. He’s a wreck. We can’t tell her the truth – it’s too awful. How can a seven-year-old process that her mother’s corpse is keeping her brother alive? To be honest, we’re going to tell everyone that Sarah is still undergoing tests. People will have strong opinions on what’s going on and I don’t want to hear them. I’m still trying to get my own head around it. Poor Izzy, though, losing her mum so young. It’s not fair.’ Mia began to cry again.

Johnny dug his fingers into her back. Over her shoulder, he called, ‘There she is now. How was the movie, Izzy?’

Mia quickly wiped her face with her sleeve.

‘It was good. Mia, is Mummy awake?’

Mia plastered on a big smile. ‘Not yet, sweetie, but your dad is going to take you in to see her again tonight.’

‘Yes!’ Izzy clapped her hands together. ‘When will he be here?’

‘In about half an hour. I’m hoping he’ll join us for dinner, then you two can go and say hello to Sarah.’

‘I can’t wait to see him,’ Izzy said, looking thrilled.

Mia realized that Izzy was bereft of both her parents. Adam was spending every minute at the hospital, so the poor child was probably feeling totally abandoned. Maybe now that Rob was here, Adam could spend more time with Izzy. She needed it.

‘You’re the best girl ever,’ Mia said, smiling at her niece. ‘Now come here and give me a big hug.’

Izzy jumped into Mia’s arms. She was like a little fairy. Petite like her mum, not tall and big-boned like her aunt.

Izzy looked at Mia’s face. ‘Your eyes are all red and sad, Mia.’

‘I just have a cold and I’m tired because I was at the hospital all night. I’ll be fine after some sleep.’

‘Right, scamp, are you hungry?’ Johnny distracted Izzy. ‘Dinner is ready.’

‘I’ll get Riley,’ Mia said.

---