Page 60 of Seven Letters

‘OK, let’s go,’ Izzy said, jumping up and heading out to the hallway.

Rob and Adam followed her, looking like they were going to the gallows. Once the front door had closed behind them and Mia had slumped back at the table, Riley turned on her parents. ‘It’s not right that she goes in there thinking Sarah’s coming back when she isn’t, ever. You’re all lying to her and it’s wrong. She should know that her mum is dead.’ Riley’s eyes filled. ‘You all think pretending everything is OK is the right thing to do, but it isn’t. It’s just lies upon lies.’

Mia leaned forward and pointed a finger at her daughter. ‘Listen to me very carefully, Riley. This is not your story to tell. It is up to Adam to decide when he wants to say to Izzy about her mum. It is up to Adam to make decisions about what Izzy should and shouldn’t know.’

‘I’m not trying to upset Adam,’ Riley said, ‘but someone has to tell him that lying will only make things worse. Kids hate being lied to.’

‘This situation is extremely complicated. It’s not for you to decide what Izzy should know. It’s for her father to decide. I thought I could trust you with the truth, Riley. Do not, underanycircumstance, say a word to Izzy. I’m warning you. I’ve enough to deal with without you upsetting Izzy and Adam.’

Riley felt grief well up inside her. ‘I’m sad too, Mum,’ she cried. ‘I loved Sarah. Maybe someone in this house might remember that.’

Riley fled to her room and slammed the door behind her. Everyone hated her. Her parents, Zach, everyone. She buried her face in her pillow and bawled.

She was a sniffing, red-eyed mess when she heard a knock on the door. ‘Please go away. I just need to be on my own for a bit.’

‘It’s only me.’

The door opened and Riley looked up to see her granddad standing there. She quickly wiped her eyes on her pillowcase, sat up and hugged the pillow to her chest.

‘I called in to see Izzy and I heard you were upset.’

‘I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.’

Charlie was wearing his coat. It seemed too big for him. He looked smaller and thinner, way older and so sad. Riley had to look away from his eyes or she knew she’d start bawling again.

Charlie looked around the dark room. ‘It’s very gloomy in here. Come on, let’s get you out and go for a walk.’

Riley didn’t want to go for a walk, she wanted to stay in bed and cry and wallow, but she wasn’t going to tell her granddad that. She grabbed a hoodie from the floor and tugged it on. They left the house and turned right towards the local park. It was overcast but not raining. Charlie breathed in deeply. They walked in silence, through the gates of the park and towards the pond.

A breeze gathered, and Riley pulled up her hood to keep her ears warm.

Charlie kept walking. ‘How are you doing, pet?’

‘I’m all right. Please don’t worry about me. I’m so sorry about Sarah, Granddad. I know how much you loved her.’ She glanced at Charlie. He’d aged so much in such a short time. He was suddenly like an old man.

‘Thank you, Riley. I’m sorry, too. We all loved her to bits. But the person we need to feel most sorry for and protect is Izzy.’ Charlie pointed to a bench. ‘Let’s sit down for a minute. I feel a bit out of breath. It’s been a long day.’

‘Will I get you some water? Should I run back and get Mum?’ Riley was terrified he was going to have a heart attack. What the hell would she do? Please, God, don’t let Granddad have a heart attack. Not now, not here. Everyone will blame me.

Charlie sat down heavily on the bench. ‘I’m fine, pet, just need to catch my breath.’ He stared across the park into the distance. ‘What we’re all trying to deal with is beyond anyone’s imagination. If I saw what is happening to us in a film, I wouldn’t believe it. I’m sixty-nine and I can’t get my head around any of this, so I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.’

Riley bit her thumbnail, which was already raw. ‘It just seems a bit weird and creepy to keep Sarah’s body alive when she’s dead. I don’t get how the baby could survive in a … well, in a dead body.’

Charlie sighed. ‘Neither do I, Riley. And, to be honest, the doctors seem to be in shock, too. This is an incredibly rare situation. It’s a huge challenge for us to try to understand it and do the right thing by Sarah.’

Riley put her hand into the pocket of her hoodie to protect her stumpy nail. If she bit it any further, it would disappear. ‘It’s just mad, Granddad, the whole thing. I don’t know what to say. I seem to keep saying the wrong thing to Mum. I feel bad because I know she’s devastated, but all we seem to do is clash. I want to be there for her, but I don’t really know howI’m supposed to feel or what the right thing to say is because Sarah still seems to be alive. I keep messing up.’

Charlie patted her arm. ‘Don’t worry about any of that. None of us knows what to say. Your mum loves you more than anything in the world but she’s really struggling to deal with this. You do need to try to support her as much as you can. Mia and Sarah were like two peas in a pod. I loved that they were so close. When they were younger, I was worried they mightn’t be because they were so different, but as they got older they became inseparable. They could just look at each other and know what the other was thinking. I never had that with my brother – we weren’t close at all. They had a very special bond.’

He was right. Sometimes it was as if they could speak without talking. Mia would just look at Sarah and she’d know what Sarah was about to say. Poor Mum, Riley thought, she’s lost her best friendandher sister. ‘I promise I’ll try to say the right thing and be a better daughter. How are you doing, Granddad, or is that, like, the dumbest question ever?’

Charlie wrapped his scarf tightly around his neck. ‘No, pet, it’s not dumb. I think I’m still in shock. I can’t believe my beautiful girl is gone. Your children are the most precious thing in the world. To lose one is unthinkable.’

Riley held her breath as Charlie struggled to control his emotions.

‘Sarah was the best daughter a man could have wished for. She rang me every day, and when Penny died, she called into me every day to check on me, to make sure I wasn’t in bed getting depressed. She was one in a million. Her loss is going to leave a huge hole in my life and in all our lives. No parent should ever have to bury their own child. It’s not the law of nature. It’s wrong on every level. The only good thing is that Penny isn’t here to see this. It would have killed her.’

Riley wanted to say something to make him feel better. But what? ‘I guess it’s good that Gran died, then. I mean, not good that she died, but you know …’ Jesus, what was wrong with her? She was a walking liability. She’d better just say nothing from now on.

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