Page 69 of Seven Letters

‘I’m so sorry I wasn’t,’ Johnny said, feeling bad. ‘Maybe I can talk to Adam, ask him to cool it with Charlie.’

Mia shrugged. ‘Maybe. He’s so wound up, though, I’m not sure he’d listen to anyone. The only one who can get through to him is Rob.’

‘And what do you think Rob’s take on it is?’ Johnny asked.

Mia stared at the broken curtain rail. She reckoned it would never get fixed now. ‘I’m not sure. He’s just supporting Adam, but sometimes I wonder if he’s thinking something different from Adam. When he looks at Sarah, he seems distressed. I might try to get him on his own, see what he feels about Adam’s decision to keep her on the life support.’

‘Yeah. If it comes to it and it’s necessary to let Sarah go, Rob might be very important in getting Adam to accept that.’

‘Definitely,’ Mia said, nodding. ‘I feel there’s a distance creeping between us and Adam at the moment. He keeps shooting glances at Charlie like he doesn’t trust him. It’s really upsetting. We should be united, but Charlie really wants to let Sarah have a dignified death. He can’t see Adam’s point of view at all.’

‘What about Olivia?’ Johnny said.

‘What about her?’ Mia said brusquely.

‘Could you ask her to talk to Charlie and maybe put Adam’s view to him?’

‘I don’t think so,’ Mia said. ‘She feels the same way as Dad, that it’s pointless and unnecessary.’ Mia laid her head back against the couch.

Johnny stroked her face. ‘And in the middle of all this madness, you’ve lost your sister and best friend,’ he said gently. ‘I’m so sorry, Mia. There are really no words.’

Tears were falling down her cheeks. ‘I just keep talking to her, Johnny, because then it feels like she’s going to wake up. But it’s sort of disorienting and I have to remind myself she’s gone. I feel like I’m in some strange in-between world. Nothing is solid. But when I allow myself to feel even a tiny bit of what I’ve lost, it’s like I’m going to lose my mind as well.’

‘Oh, Mia,’ he said, resting his head against hers. ‘It’s impossible to imagine this family without Sarah in it.’

‘I don’t want to,’ Mia said. She let her head fall onto her husband’s chest and cried softly. There was only so much a person could take, could feel, and she was reaching the outer limits of her stamina. How long would it go on?

27

Izzy rolled over and kicked Adam in the balls. Ouch. Christ, sleeping with a wriggly seven-year-old was no fun. She’d thrashed about all night and he’d barely slept a wink.

Adam felt as if he was in a long, dark tunnel with no light. He was trying to process all the medical information, trying not to lose his mind about Sarah and trying to make the best decisions for their baby. His brain hurt with all the thinking. All he could do was cling to his gut instinct that Sarah wouldn’t let her baby go without putting up a hell of a fight.

He wanted to pull the covers over his head, sleep for a long time and wake up with everything back to normal. How had his life become a living nightmare?

He wanted to wake up beside his beautiful wife. He wanted to hold her, smell her hair, feel the warmth of her body next to his. But he never would.

Adam buried his face in the pillow and tried to stifle his sobs.

‘Daddy?’ Izzy tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Are you sad?’

‘No, Sweet-pea, I’m just really tired.’ Adam wiped his tears with the edge of the pillowcase and opened his arms to hug Izzy.

She snuggled up to him. ‘Do you think I could see Mummy today?’

‘I don’t think so, love.’

‘Oh.’ Her little face fell.

Adam’s heart sank. How could life be so cruel? How could it rip a loving mother from the life of a sweet, innocent child? ‘Come on now, we’re being lazy. Time to get up for school.’

‘I don’t want to go. I’m tired.’ Izzy was sulky.

‘Up you get.’ Adam tickled her to get her up. She wriggled and writhed but eventually got out of the bed. ‘You go and get dressed,’ he told her, ‘and I’ll have a quick shower.’

Adam stood under the heavy fall of water and tried to wake up his exhausted body. What would today bring? He felt almost afraid to think of it. Would his son make it through another day? It was the only hope Adam had left. Without the prospect of his son surviving this horror, there was just a black hole.

Adam would not give up. He couldn’t. He knew that if he gave up hope he’d fall apart, and he owed it to Sarah to keep trying. She had wanted this baby so much, had been so happy when she’d told him she was pregnant. It hurt to think of that glorious day. They’d felt so lucky.

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