Page 91 of Seven Letters

Mia snorted. ‘How right you were, Sarah. Riley is one big handful.’

‘Mum always says that Mia was far more challenging than me as a teenager. But she always smiled when she said it. Mum adores Mia and loves that she challenges her and argues with her and debates all kinds of subjects with her. I think I’m too boring and placid for Mum. Don’t get me wrong, Mum adores me, but she enjoys being with Mia more. I don’t really get het up about things like Mum and Mia do. I just want a quiet, easy life. I know that may sound selfish and you should really go out and march for causes and all that, but to be honest, and I can only admit this here, I just want to be at home with Adam, snuggled up on the couch.

‘I think Riley will be feisty like her mother and grandmother. Mum’s going to get such a kick out of Riley when she gets older and more opinionated. It’ll be fun to watch.’

Mia gulped back tears. ‘I wish Mum had known Riley for longer. They got on so well. “Peas in a pod,” Dad used to say. I wish Mum was here now to help me connect better with Riley. I need her, but even more, I need you, Sarah. You always told me to be more patient, to give Riley a break, and you were so good at getting me to take a step back and not react so quickly. I miss your advice. I miss you and your positivity and calmness and loveliness and … all of you.’

‘I wonder what my children will be like. Will they be go-getters like Adam? Will they be sporty or smart or arty or all three? It doesn’tmatter to me, as long as they’re healthy and happy. When I look back now, I feel so grateful to have had such a happy childhood. I didn’t appreciate it at the time but now, when I see what can happen to kids, I know how lucky I was to have Mum and Dad and Mia. I just hope I don’t only have one child. I can’t say that to Mia. I know how much she wanted another child and how upset she was when they found out they couldn’t. My heart broke for both of them. Johnny was so crushed and he kept looking at Mia when they told us and you could see he was so devastated that he couldn’t give her this important gift – another child. He loves her so much and, you know, she loves him just as much. She was amazing: she never made him feel like it was a problem. She said Riley was enough and she never looked back. Except sometimes, when she was alone with me and had had a few glasses of wine, her bravery would slip and she’d cry about it. I felt so bad for her. What can you say to someone who wants something they just can’t have? It makes your heart sore.

‘I loved having an older sister. I think having a sibling is so wonderful, I want that for my kids. I want them to have the bond that a sibling gives you and to know, whatever happens, that that person will always be there for you.’

Mia had to put the diary down and wipe her eyes. ‘Oh, Sarah. I wanted Izzy to have a brother, and we tried to save him, but they said there’s no hope. I’m so sorry. I prayed so hard – we all did. I promise you I’ll keep an eye on Izzy, and Riley will be like an older sister to her. Actually, Sarah, you’d be so happy if you saw how sweet Riley is being with Izzy. It’s made me so proud of her. She’s taking Izzy under her wing. I guess it’s a bit like I did with you. Five years between us and seven between them. They can be each other’s sibling.’

‘I’m looking at my wedding dress hanging up on the door of the wardrobe. It’s so beautiful. Mia’s sleeping soundly in the bed beside me. Sheis such a deep sleeper. I want to wake her up and chat, but I’ll let her sleep for another twenty minutes. She’s exhausted from working and then Riley got an ear infection and didn’t sleep for four nights. Poor Mia is worn out. OK, I’ll let her sleep for a bit longer, but then I will wake her because I’m too excited to sit here alone. I think half past eight is a reasonable time to wake her up. I’ll order a big breakfast in bed. I can’t eat a thing, I’m too nervous, but Mia will enjoy it and we can chat while she’s eating and maybe a cup of herbal tea will calm my nerves. Although they aren’t really nerves, just excitement. Excitement about this being the best day of my life when I get to marry my true love and start on a new adventure with him by my side. I am truly the happiest girl alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

Mia closed the diary. She held her sister’s hand between hers. ‘Adam’s upsetting me so much,’ she said quietly, ‘but you’ve reminded me how important he is to you. You really adored that man, and I know you’re the most important thing in the world to him. Things aren’t great at the moment, but I promise I’ll talk to Adam and sort things out. I’ll do it for you and Izzy.’

36

Mia put her apron and mask in the bin. She felt so old and weary. Her whole body ached with exhaustion and sadness. She had to try to patch things up with Adam. She must remember how upset he was, bite her tongue and give him the benefit of the doubt. He was well-intentioned, and she had to keep that firmly in mind.

Angela came over to her. ‘Did you have a nice chat?’

Mia nodded. ‘Yes, thanks. It was just what I needed.’

‘You’ve all had a terrible shock and we’re so sorry about the baby, too. It’s been a nightmare for you.’

‘Thanks, Angela. Everyone here has been so lovely to us.’ Mia sighed. ‘It’s just amazing how one day your normal is going to school and teaching and the next your sister is brain dead and her baby is dying too. How is that? How can you process it?’

Angela patted her shoulder. ‘ICU is full of people whose lives have changed in an instant. We see it all the time and it’s so hard on the families and loved ones. You need to mind yourself, your dad too.’

Mia nodded, unable to speak. Kindness set her off. She blew her nose with a tissue. ‘I need to go back to work.’

‘Well, don’t rush anything,’ Angela said.

‘I think it’ll help to be there every day. The school have been so accommodating, but with the Communion coming up they need me to be around. Besides, the kids are so sweet and innocent, they lift my spirits.’

‘If you think it’ll help you, do it,’ Angela said.

‘Mum?’

Mia spun around. Riley was standing in her school uniform beside Johnny.

Johnny held up his hands in warning. ‘There was a half-day in school for some teacher-training thing. Riley wanted to see Sarah, so I said she could because we don’t know how long she has left.’

‘I don’t think it’s a good idea.’ Mia glanced towards the door to Sarah’s room. Riley had no idea what lay behind it.

‘I knew you’d say that,’ Riley said, ‘but I really want to see her, Mum. Dad told me she’s all puffed up and stuff. I can handle it. I just want to say … goodbye.’

‘I’m not sure you can handle it, Riley. I think you should remember Sarah as she was.’

‘I want to see my aunt. I love her too, you know.’ Riley’s chin wobbled.

‘Maybe it’s no harm for Riley to see her and say a few words. You did say you found it comforting,’ Angela suggested gently. ‘I’ll pop a pair of sunglasses over her eyes and make sure the sheet is covering her. Give me one second.’

‘Thank you,’ Mia said. At least if Sarah’s bulging eyes and body were covered, Riley might get slightly less of a shock.

Angela handed protective gear to Riley, then disappeared into the room for a few minutes. She came back out and beckoned them over to the door.

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