Page 117 of Good Sisters

Over Robert’s head I whispered, ‘Should we call an ambulance?’

‘No.’ Jack told Jess to take Robert into his bedroom and pack a big bag because he was coming to stay with us for a while.

‘Come on, we’ll pack all your favourite things.’ Jess held her little brother’s hand.

I continued to try to wake Pippa properly while Jack wentto the kitchen and filled a jug with cold water, which he then poured over Pippa’s head.

‘Arghhhhhhh!’ she shrieked, her eyes opening wide. ‘What the hell?’ She sat up and looked around. ‘What are you doing here? How dare you throw water on me? I’m soaked.’

Jack crouched down. ‘You are a complete disgrace. This is it, Pippa. This is the end. I will not let my son be raised by an addict. Anything could have happened to him. What kind of a mother downs a bottle of vodka and snorts cocaine in front of her kid?’ Jack’s voice shook with emotion.

‘He didn’t see me. I put him in his room. I just needed a little pick-me-up,’ Pippa slurred.

‘Pick-me-up for what? You barely work. You fleece me for cash and go around shagging married men. What exactly do you need a break from?’

Pippa looked awful, underweight, with bags that looked like purple bruises under bloodshot eyes.

‘Vincent dumped me. He promised he’d leave his wife, but the bastard dumped me and I got dropped from the show. They’re giving my slot to a younger girl. I just …’ she waved her arm around ‘… I just never thought my life would be this. Single mum, no career, no man.’ She began to sob. ‘It’s all gone wrong. I … What am I going to do? Who am I? I’ve got nothing, Jack, nothing.’

As much as I disliked her, as much as part of me wanted to say, ‘Who you are is a selfish bitch who doesn’t care about anyone, even your own son. You made your bed, now lie in it,’ I also felt sorry for her. She was crushed. I knew that feeling. I knew what it felt like to have your life fall apart. But I had never put Jess in danger. I had put her first, even when that was the hardest thing in the world to do.

‘You have a beautiful son who needs his mother,’ Jack hissed at her. ‘Get your shit together. Drinking and snortingcoke aren’t going to solve your problems. Stop sleeping with married men. Turn up for work on time and sober, and maybe your life will turn a corner. But for now, Pippa, I’m taking Robert and you will not be seeing him until you have sorted yourself out.’

‘Stop lecturing me. It’s all right for you with your happy life. It’s not easy for me, Jack. Give me a break. I’m really struggling here. I could do with some support,’ she cried.

‘A break? I’ve given you a million chances. Our six-year-old son could have taken the cocaine you left lying around and died,’ Jack shouted. ‘Stop sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. It’s pathetic. And I have supported you financially since the day we met. Grow up and cop on.’

He was yelling at her, and it wouldn’t get him anywhere. Jess had come in to see what has happening and she was standing in the doorway, watching Jack lose it with Pippa. She looked at me and I gave her a little smile, to reassure her.

‘Jack, go with Jess and check on Robert.’ I pushed him out of the room. ‘Go on.’ I gestured at Jess. ‘It’s okay. Pippa and I are just going to have a chat.’

‘Okay.’ Jess turned and left.

Pippa bit her lip. ‘All right, then, Sophie, why don’t you slate me too? I know, I know, you’re a great mum and I’m a loser. You have a successful career and I have none. You’re the love of Jack’s life and I was just a temporary fill-in. The great Sophie, Jack’s soul-mate.’

What? Did she actually believe that? When she was with Jack, I’d been jealous ofher– she was young, beautiful and successful. My husband was in love with her and my daughter adored her too. I had felt so left out and lonely when Jess went to stay with Jack and Pippa. And here we were, a few years later, and now she felt about me the way I had felt about her. Life was so strange, so full of blindcorners. If someone had described this turn of events to me back then, I would have laughed and said it wasn’t possible.

I kept my voice low and gentle. We wouldn’t get through to her by yelling in her face.

‘Pippa, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I can see how hard things are for you, but drinking and doing drugs is not going to help anything or anyone, least of all you. Robert adores you and he needs you. He’s such a great kid and they grow up so fast. Don’t miss out on these precious years. Take some time, get sober, get healthy, and you’ll be able to see things in a much clearer light. You’re young, you’re beautiful – you have so much potential. You can turn your life around, believe me, I know you can, and I’ll help you. I’ll see if I can get you some work through the agency. It’ll be okay. You just need to dig deep and look forward.’

Pippa rubbed her mascara-smudged eyes so she looked even more like a sad panda. ‘I just feel like such a failure. My life was supposed to be fun and glamorous. I want to travel and have money, not be stuck in stupid Dublin in a two-bed rental apartment with a kid. This is not the life I want. I hate it. I can’t bear that this is it. There has to be more. I’m not a suburban mum. I’m worth more than that. This is Hell.’

Welcome to the real world, Pippa, I was thinking. You have a child who needs to be looked after. You’re never going to travel the world on private planes partying with the jet set. That’s not your life. It’s not your reality.

‘A lot of people feel overwhelmed by motherhood and crushed when their careers don’t work out as they imagined. I know life can seem a bit boring, especially when you have a kid, but it’s what you make of it. You need time to figure out what you want for your future, but you can’t sort out your lifewhen you’re drunk and high. You need a clear head to find clarity and purpose.’

Pippa bit her lip. She looked broken. ‘I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you and to your lovely Jess. I always felt insecure around you because I knew Jack still loved you. And then when Robert was born, I really struggled.’ She leaned over and whispered, ‘I hated being a mum and I couldn’t handle Jess coming over to stay because I was embarrassed at how badly I was handling motherhood. I pushed her away and I’m really sorry. She’s a great kid.’ Pippa began to cry again. ‘I’ve made such a mess of my life. I thought I’d be famous, rich and successful. I’m drunk, unemployed, and if it wasn’t for Jack paying for my apartment, I’d be homeless too.’ She sobbed into her hands.

It was so weird – I was suddenly seeing the past in a whole different light. All those weekends of pure loneliness when I’d cried my eyes out because Jess was off with her ‘new mother’, the one she preferred, and all the while Pippa was struggling and things were falling apart. Mum used to tell me that how you viewed the world changed as you got older – and now I could really see what she meant. I had seen what I thought was there – and been completely unable to see what was actually happening. I had seen only what I had looked for and been blinded by jealousy and heartbreak. Watching Pippa cry, realizing the truth about her situation, I made myself a promise that I wouldn’t do that again. Getting older was challenging in so many ways, but the good thing was that you were finally able to cut through all the bullshit – your own and everyone else’s.

I rubbed her back. ‘Come on now. Everything looks bleak because you’ve got a booze and cocaine hangover. Get some sleep and things will look different. We’ll take Robert for afew weeks to give you some space. I’ll check in on you tomorrow. We’ll help you get back on your feet.’

‘Thanks, Sophie. I always thought you were a bit of a cold bitch, but you’re not.’

Ouch. I chose to ignore the backhanded compliment.

She looked at me and her shoulders hunched, the picture of defeat. My heart went out to her.

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