Page 118 of Good Sisters

‘The honest truth is,’ she said, ‘I don’t like being a mum. I hate being tied down. I hate the mundane routine. I hate not being able to be spontaneous. I feel like there’s a noose around my neck and I’m being strangled with responsibility. I know that makes me a terrible person even to say those words out loud, especially because Robert’s so sweet, but I just don’t think I’m good at being anyone’s mum.’ She wept into her hands.

Things were a lot worse than I’d thought. This was a total nightmare. She was a wreck. But how could she make any decisions in this state? We needed to help her sober up, clean up and be a decent mother to Robert. She had to grow up. But in my heart of hearts, I wasn’t sure she ever would or could.

I got her a glass of water and covered her with a blanket. Then I went to find the others.

Jack stood back, jaw clenched, as Robert hugged his mum goodbye. Jess stood close to me and watched as Pippa told Robert she loved him but she was a bit tired and needed a few days’ rest.

‘I know I can be a pain to you, but I’m so glad you’re my mum,’ Jess whispered.

‘Thanks, and I love you even when you’re a pain.’

Jess smiled, then held out her hand and walked Robert to the car, chatting to him about his favourite superhero.

I said goodbye to Pippa and she nodded tiredly, almost asleep. I tucked the blanket around her and we walked out.

Jack’s breathing was laboured. I took his hand. ‘Breathe slowly or you’ll have a heart attack and then Robert will be royally screwed.’

Jack grinned and pulled me close to him. ‘If I haven’t told you lately, let me be clear – I love you, Sophie Devlin, and I thank my lucky bloody stars you took me back.’

‘Well, to be fair, the bar is set fairly low with your ex.’ I laughed, relieved at easing the tension. ‘But thanks, and I love you too.’

‘Pippa will never be able to threaten me again about custody. I took photos of her, the table, the cocaine, the drink … everything. I will never, ever put my son in danger again. She’s going to have to prove to me that she’s capable of looking after Robert before I let her take him out of my sight again.’

While I understood and agreed with Jack on the importance of Robert’s safety, I really needed Pippa to sort herself out or I’d end up raising Robert full-time. Being honest, it was not something I wanted to do. I had not signed up to be a full-time mum to a child who was not mine. I had very specifically chosen not to have another child after Jess. I did not want more children. I accepted that Jack had a son when we got back together and I was open to him co-parenting, but not full-time.

In two years Jess would be eighteen and, if she did as I hoped, she’d be headed to college. That would open up a whole new life for me and Jack. But it wouldn’t happen if we had to raise Robert to adulthood. It had felt so good to have Jess take my hand and look to me to sort Pippa – it had been a long, long time since she’d looked at me like that, like she actually respected me. This had been one hell of a day, but the silver lining was that I felt like things were going to be okay with Jess. All the teenage eye-rolling and insults, all thatnonsense would eventually fall away, and my lovely Jess would come back to me. Then we’d be friends for life – just like I’d been with Mum.

It was all looking good for our future. I’d just have to make damn sure Pippa got back on her feet.

28. Julie

Harry fiddled with his tie and exhaled deeply as we walked towards the headmaster’s office. To our right were the carefully manicured playing fields of Castle Academy, to our left the 4G rugby pitch that some multi-millionaire past pupil had paid for.

‘Did he give you any clue as to what Liam did?’ Harry asked, for the third time.

‘No, he didn’t. He just said we needed to come to the school to talk to him about an incident.’

In the first few years of their time at Castle Academy the triplets had been in trouble a fair bit, nothing serious, but I had been inside the principal’s office several times.

In the last few years, however, they had really settled in. Playing rugby had cemented friendships and their place in the school for them. They felt like they belonged and had stopped acting out. Even I had begun to relax and stop feeling like a total imposter at the place.

But now here we were again, called in to see the head-master. What had Liam done?

‘If he’s in trouble, it could endanger his place on the team,’ Harry said.

Always back to the rugby. ‘Jesus, Harry, I’m less worried about the sodding rugby team and more concerned that he might be suspended or expelled. We don’t know how bad this is.’

Harry looked appalled. ‘You don’t think it’s that serious, do you?’

‘Hopefully not. We’ll find out soon enough.’ I stopped outside the headmaster’s office and knocked.

Mr Henderson greeted us politely and asked us to sit down. His office was large and filled with light. Behind him was a wall of book-lined shelves. It even had one of those ladders you see in libraries, like onDownton Abbey, which they’re always climbing up to pull down big, dusty books.

Harry and I sat down on the two dark green leather chairs opposite the headmaster.

Mr Henderson took off his glasses, cleared his throat and clasped his hands together.

When people take off their glasses and do the hand-clasping thing it tends to mean trouble, big trouble. I held my breath.

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