Page 131 of Good Sisters

‘Not yet.’

She grabbed my hand. ‘Please don’t tell him, please, Mum.’

‘I don’t want to keep secrets from your dad, Jess. I’m seething that Julie kept this from me, so I know exactly how it feels.’

Jess began to hyperventilate. ‘No, Mum, please … please, I’m begging you, I can’t bear him to know. Dad’s my absolute hero. I’d hate him to think I’m such a loser.’

The ‘Dad’s my absolute hero’ stung a bit, but I chose to ignore it.

‘Dad thinks I’m a princess. I don’t want him to know I’m just a stupid slut.’

She was bawling now and struggling to catch her breath. I’d never seen her so upset. I felt completely conflicted, torn between what I wanted to do, which was to tell Jack and share the handling of this horrible situation with him, and not upset her further, which would make things worse. She looked like she’d have a nervous breakdown if I insisted on telling him.

‘Calm down.’ I rubbed her back. ‘We’ll keep this between us for now. But I’m not saying I won’t tell him in the future. Now, I need you to listen to me carefully.’

‘Thank you, Mum. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And thanks for looking after me and trying to fix my mess.’

I kissed her forehead. ‘You’re the most important personin my life, Jess. I’d go to the ends of the Earth for you.’ And I would. I’d take a bullet for Jess. I’d kill for Jess. I’d lie and steal for Jess.

‘I love you, Mum.’

It had been a long time since she’d said that to me. I welled up. ‘I love you too.’

We hugged again.

‘And, Jess, remember, go for the nice guy next time. Not the overconfident jock, the nice, decent guy.’

‘I am never, ever going out with anyone again. In fact, I’m going to be a nun,’ she declared dramatically.

I laughed at that.

‘Mum?’

‘Yes?’

‘I know things are stressful with Robert living here full-time and Pippa in rehab, and I’m really sorry I dumped this on you too.’

‘Hey, now, hopefully everything will sort itself out when Pippa gets her life back on track.’

‘I know it’s been stressful for you and Dad. I heard you both fighting the other night and I got scared.’

‘Of what, pet?’

‘That you’re going to break up again, and Dad will move out to live with Robert somewhere else.’

‘Oh, Jess, please don’t worry. Dad and I argue about things every now and then, but that’s normal. All couples argue.’

‘But it reminded me of when you broke up and I couldn’t bear you to break up again. I love us being a family and I like Robert living here too, even though I know he’s not your son and it’s different, but I love my little brother so much.’

‘Robert may not be my biological son, but I love him too. Sure, he’s a little dote. And your dad and I are not going to break up. We’re very happy together, and please don’t worryif you hear us having little tiffs. It’s completely normal. I love your dad and he loves me.’

I had no idea Jess was feeling so fragile about our relationship. I had underestimated how worried she felt about us not being strong enough to last. She had been crushed when we’d separated and ecstatic when we got back together. I realized I needed to be more mindful of her feelings, and that Jack and I had to make sure not to argue when she was around. Poor Jess, she hadn’t had an easy childhood and I was hard on her. Probably too hard on her.

‘Jess, I’m sorry if I’m tough with you. I know I push you to do well and all that, and if it gets too much, tell me. You’ve had a lot to deal with in your young life and I’m so proud of you. I don’t tell you that enough, but I am.’

‘Not much to be proud of today.’ Jess smiled sadly. ‘I know I’ve let you down a lot, Mum. I wish I was cleverer. I know I have to work harder and go to university and get a good job and be independent and self-sufficient so that I’m never homeless. And I know I’m never supposed to depend on a man for self-esteem or financial support.’

Yikes! I’d clearly banged on about all of those things far too much. Poor Jess, it was a lot of pressure. It wasn’t fair of me to dump all of my insecurities and the mistakes I’d made on her shoulders. I needed to pull back and let the poor girl breathe.

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