Page 15 of Good Sisters

Sophie had relied on her looks to get her job as a model and to marry a rich man. Her life had been perfect – big house, designer clothes, luxury holidays – until it all came crashing down when Jack lost everything. I thought it was the best thing that could have happened to her, though. Sophie had become really vacuous, hanging around with awful women like Victoria Carter-Mills and other rich bitches who spent all day shopping and lunching. Julie and I had felt we were losing her, like she wasn’t herself any more, but there was no way to tell her that. Losing everything had made her dig deep, get a job and begin living in the real world again. In my opinion she was a nicer, stronger and more rounded person now.

‘You look great, Sophie,’ Julie told her.

I finished my coffee and put down my cup. I needed to talk to my sisters about what had happened last night. I was still reeling from it, and it was the main reason I hadn’t slept.

I cleared my throat. ‘Clara came home from school yesterday and told me they were doing a project on their family tree. She said she drew hers, but it only had one side becauseshe has no dad. Her tree was lopsided, but everyone else had a proper round tree. She asked me, for the first time ever, about her dad and did she have other grandparents. She wanted to know did she have another granny now that Granny was dead.’

‘What?’ Julie’s eyes widened.

‘Oh, my God, Louise, what did you say?’ Sophie asked.

‘I said, “Your dad is Italian. I met him one night over ten years ago and I never saw him again.”’

‘What did she say?’

‘She said, “Okay.”’

‘Really? That’s it?’ Julie said.

‘Yes. But that’s what Clara does. She’ll process that now and probably come back with more questions.’

‘What are you going to do if she does? How do you tell her you had a drunken one-night stand in a hotel in Italy and don’t remember who her dad is?’ Julie asked.

‘I believe that with all kids, but especially kids on the autism spectrum, you have to be honest and tell the truth. Clara doesn’t get nuance and won’t accept vague answers.’

‘But you can’t tell her the actual truth,’ Sophie said.

‘I’ll have to. I’ll just say Mummy had too much wine and met a lovely man and had a romantic night and Clara is the result of it.’

‘What will you do if she wants to find her dad?’ Julie asked gently.

I shrugged. ‘What can I do? I don’t even remember his name. I think once I tell her he can’t be found she’ll accept it. Clara deals in absolutes. She’s surrounded by love and family. I really don’t feel she’s missing out. How can you miss what you never had?’

Julie chewed her lip. ‘I don’t know, Louise. So many people who didn’t have their dad in their life say they always missedhim, even when they didn’t know him. Like a sort of ghost that haunts them. I’m not sure it’s as simple as you’re saying when it comes to parents and where you’re from. I mean, that’s a really core thing not to know.’

‘Nonsense,’ I said. ‘People overcomplicate things. Clara is treasured by our family. That’s all she needs.’

‘Louise,’ Julie said, laying a hand on my arm, ‘I’m not trying to put pressure on you, but it is a big hole in Clara’s life. Look at my friend Marion. She never really knew her dad and it’s had a huge effect on her. Look at Christelle. She always yearned to find her father, and her relationship with Harry is so precious. All I’m saying is, don’t underestimate it.’

Sophie nodded. ‘I know you can’t change the past, but it’s important to be aware that Clara could end up with feelings of rejection, even though she’s never met her dad. It’s important that she doesn’t feel he didn’t love her enough to stick around, you know? I see it with Robert. When Pippa is away all the time, he really feels the loss.’

I sighed and put my head into my hands. These were some of the thoughts that had gnawed at my mind all night. ‘I wanted you two to tell me it was fine and not to worry,’ I said. ‘It’s really bothering me, but I do keep coming back to the fact that you can’t miss what you don’t know.’

‘But she does know,’ Julie pointed out, ‘because all the other kids in her class have dads in their lives, or at least know who their dads are.’

My heart sank. She was right. ‘I was hoping I’d be enough,’ I said, ‘that she wouldn’t need to look for more. Clara was surrounded by love – she has you as her aunts, and Gavin and Christelle. Dad’s quite good with her too and your husbands and kids are sweet to her.’

‘We all adore her.’ Sophie’s eyes welled up again but this time it didn’t annoy me, because I felt emotional too.

‘Maybe if I just tell her the actual story, she’ll accept it and move on,’ I said.

Sophie and Julie looked at each other.

‘Maybe,’ Sophie said. ‘But you do realize telling the story to Clara will mean questions and you’ll probably end up explaining the birds and the bees to her. I don’t mean the facts about the length of their wings, like in her bird book.’

‘No, you’ll be talking about the length of other parts of the anatomy.’ Julie giggled.

I couldn’t help laughing. ‘Oh, God, that will be a minefield. Clara’s need for factual detail can be never-ending.’

---