Page 14 of The In-Laws

‘Yes. You were too busy drinking wine and talking to Uncle Frank and Auntie Melanie to notice. I saw tears in her eyes.’

Katie had noticed that too. ‘It’s a tricky time for her, so we have to be extra nice to her.’

‘You should do her hair. That would be nice,’ Lucy suggested. ‘You could make it cool like yours.’

That wasn’t a bad idea. Maybe Katie would offer to cut and colour her sister-in-law’s hair. It needed some maintenance. Katie had been surprised to see the usually perfectly groomed Amanda looking bedraggled. Mind you, shedoubted Amanda would want a short, shaggy peroxide bob like hers. She was more of a smooth, sleek, caramel-highlights, shoulder-length-hair type.

‘That’s a really sweet idea, Lucy. I’ll call her. Now go into the kitchen and get your lunchboxes,’ Katie told the kids.

Turning to Jamie, who was putting his coat on, she said, ‘What do you think is really going on with Ross and Amanda? I know he said he’s back because of your mum’s fall and because he wants to be involved in the agency, but I think there’s more to it.’

Her husband shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Maybe he got fired. Maybe he’d just had enough of London and wanted to come home.’

‘But taking Theo out of school at the beginning of his final year seems crazy. And the kid looks miserable.’

‘Who knows? Maybe Mum’s accident was the catalyst for him making the move. He saw the opening to come home and take over the business.’

‘Don’t you dare let him. You, Frank and Melanie have run that agency for years. He is not allowed to waltz back in and lay claim to it.’

Jamie kissed her forehead. ‘Don’t worry. Melanie is never going to let that happen and neither am I. We’ll figure it out.’

‘And Frank, don’t forget.’

Jamie rolled his eyes. ‘Frank is Frank.’

‘Muuuuummy, not stinky cheese again!’ Toby roared from the kitchen.

‘Good luck with that. I’m off.’ Jamie kissed his wife on the lips and rushed out of the door.

She finished her Coke and headed into the kitchen where her children were waving their cheese sandwiches in the air.

‘You promised you’d give us chicken today.’ Toby was incensed.

‘And strawberries, not these old apples from the bottom of the fridge,’ Lucy added.

Katie felt bad. She had promised to do a shop yesterday evening, but then Jamie had come home stressed after dealing with Ross and they’d opened a bottle of wine, then another, and the shopping had been sidelined.

‘Those apples are perfect and cheese is the best thing to help you grow tall and strong.’

‘The apples are bruised and wrinkly.’ Lucy was having none of it. ‘We need fresh fruit to feed our brains.’

‘Mummy, if cheese makes you grow, we should be huge, massive giants because you give it to us every day!’ Toby shouted. He seemed unable to talk at a reasonable level. Toby’s idea of ‘normal voice’ was ten decibels louder than anyone else’s. Katie hoped it was a phase.

She needed to get them out of the door so they’d be on time for school and she’d make her first appointment.

‘How about we stop in the garage on the way to school and I get you crisps as a treat?’

Lucy wagged a finger in her mother’s face. ‘We’re not allowed crisps or anything sugary in our lunchboxes, Mum, you know that. I don’t want to get into trouble.’

Oh, for feck’s sake. Bloody schools and their do-gooder rules. When did a packet of cheese-and-onion ruin a kid’s life? When did a small packet of salt-and-vinegar turn a kid into a psycho, or cause their teeth to fall out, or make them obese?

‘The only snack we were allowed was popcorn and we’re not allowed that any more because the teachers said it’s a pain to clear up – some kids spill it.’ Lucy was all over the rules.

Katie often wondered where her daughter had comefrom. She and Jamie were not rule-abiders. Especially Katie: she’d always been in trouble at school and couldn’t have cared less. From the age of seven, Katie had had no mum, and a dad who was buried in grief, so she’d been pretty much left to her own devices. She’d chosen to mess and become the class clown – it helped to hide her pain and deal with the gaping hole in her life. It also helped her hide her struggle to read. She didn’t want Lucy to be a troublemaker, but she hated that her daughter was afraid to break any rule or get up to any mischief. Lucy was too serious and, at times, anxious for her age: she worried about everything. Life was tough. It threw curve balls at you. Katie had lost her mother to cancer at such a young age, and she felt Lucy, coming from such a solid home, should be more carefree – giggling with her mates, being silly and having a lot more fun.

What was this arseology about teachers having a problem with popcorn? Try cleaning up human hair all day: that’s a real pain in the arse. Sweeping up a few kernels of popcorn was hardly trauma-inducing. Bloody teachers, bloody school rules, bloody stupid school lunches, bloody hangover … Katie wanted to kick something.

Why couldn’t the schools here be like the schools in France, with canteens where the kids were given a three-course meal every day and ate whatever was bloody well put in front of them? Thinking of healthy things to put into school lunchboxes was a head-wreck.

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