Page 27 of The In-Laws

‘Call me, Frank, please, we’re all friends here.’

Melanie grimaced. Jesus, would he ever shut up?

‘Frank, the twins are being very disruptive in religion class, in particular. They are tormenting the young teacher, who is finding it difficult to cope.’

‘Tormenting is a very strong word. We need to use words carefully. They can be misleading. I’ve always encouraged the girls to question things. Mark Van Doren said that “The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery.” I want the girls to be open-minded and curious.’

Oh, bloody hell, not the quotes. Here’s a quote for you, Frank:Shut the hell up, listen, nod and let’s get out of here.

Melanie sat on her hands and tried to practise Frank’s breathing technique, but it was not working, not remotely: she still wanted to punch her husband.

Mr Grogan cleared his throat. ‘Very nice. Let me rephrase my point for you. Your daughters are causing the teacher problems. The reason I called you in this evening isbecause yesterday, when Mr Hagan asked the class to –’ Mr Grogan looked down at his notes – ‘Select a sacred space in Ireland that is important for people belonging to one of the major world religions, Joni said, “Bershka, because it has the best and cheapest clothes in Dublin and therefore is a place to be worshipped.” When Janis was asked toGive one reason why a non-religious person might go on a religious pilgrimage, she replied, “Because they have no friends and no life.”’

Frank chuckled. ‘Ah, come on, that’s funny. They’re just expressing their humorous side.’

Melanie was mortified. The twins sounded shallow and entitled.

Mr Grogan was not amused. ‘I’m afraid, Mr Fitzroy, this is not what we expect from our students. The twins are constantly disruptive in religion class.’

‘Maybe the teacher should be firmer with them,’ Melanie suggested. ‘He has our full permission to clamp down on their messing.’ Surely the teacher should just give them extra homework, or detention, and that would soften their cough.

Frank tapped his fingers together. ‘Hold on now, Melanie.’ Turning back to the year head, he said, ‘The thing is, we don’t believe in organized religion in our house. We believe in spirituality. We want the girls to grow up knowing they are free to express themselves, to examine everything and make up their own minds as to how they feel about what they are being told or taught.’

They’d never get out of here if he didn’t shut the hell up.

‘They’re not questioning or examining things, Frank,’ Melanie snapped. ‘They’re being cheeky and winding up this poor young teacher. It’s not right.’

‘They’re just being teenagers, Melanie.’

‘They’re being brats, Frank. We’re not paying these expensive school fees for the girls to mess about and behave like brats.’

‘We’re not raising robots, Melanie. We’re raising individuals with minds of their own and the freedom to say what they want.’

‘Sometimes in life you need to just shut up, listen and behave.’ Melanie had had enough. She was too busy for this nonsense. The twins were a handful. They needed to bloody well toe the line in school and stop causing trouble.

Mr Grogan cleared his throat. ‘Perhaps you could both have a word with the girls about their behaviour in class, and from our end we’ll encourage them to participate but in a constructive manner.’

‘We’ll talk to them, but we won’t be curtailing their lively spirits. That is who they are and what makes them unique.’

They need to be bloody well reined in and their wings clipped, Melanie thought.

‘I will make sure the girls know how disappointed we are and promise you they will not be disrupting the class any further.’ Melanie knew exactly how to get the twins to behave. You just took away their phones. They would walk through a burning building for those phones.

She glanced at her watch. Damn, she had a Zoom with the US in twenty minutes. She stood up, shook Mr Grogan’s hand and headed for the door.

In the car, Melanie typed an email while Frank played some new band he was obsessed with.

‘Can you please turn that down?’ she asked.

‘Okay.’

Melanie pressed send. ‘Frank, we do need to rein the twins in.’

‘They’re not horses, Melanie.’

‘I know that, but they’re becoming harder to control and we need to nip it in the bud before they get into real trouble.’

‘All teenagers push boundaries. It’s their job. Our girls are fantastic young women, and I’m proud that they have their own minds.’

---