Page 28 of The In-Laws

‘Cheekiness is not showing that you have your own mind. It’s being a pain in the arse.’

‘The answers were funny. They were being sarcastic, not cheeky. Katie was telling me the other night at the gig that she was a bit wild in her teenage years, pushing boundaries and getting into mischief, and look how well she turned out.’

As much as Melanie liked her sister-in-law, Katie was not a shining example of success in life. Katie worked part-time as a hairdresser, which was not a career aspiration Melanie had for her twins. She also, in Melanie’s opinion, drank too much and was a bit immature. Like Frank, Katie seemed to think life was a party. To be honest, Melanie didn’t have much in common with Katie. If she wasn’t her sister-in-law, she doubted they’d ever have crossed paths.

Melanie sighed. She needed Frank to step up and be onside with disciplining the twins. If they didn’t clamp down on them, the girls would probably end up getting expelled.

‘Frank, we have sent them to a very good school and they have to abide by the rules and play the game. They can say and do whatever they want in three years’ time when they go to university.’

‘I told you St Katherine’s was too conventional. We should have sent them to People’s Grange.’

Not this again. Frank had wanted to send the girls to some bullshit school where rich, entitled kids or kids whohad been expelled from other schools went. The pupils decided what they wanted to study, when they wanted to study and where they wanted to go on school trips. Melanie had put her foot down and point-blank refused, and although Frank had finally relented, he’d never really let it go. Melanie would have given her right arm to go to a school like St Katherine’s. When she was growing up, she’d envied the girls who went to private schools. They seemed so confident, bright and sure of themselves and where they were going in life. They always had the best teachers and the best sports facilities. It infuriated Melanie that the twins didn’t appreciate the exclusive education they were getting – and that she was paying for.

‘Frank, the girls need discipline and boundaries – all kids do. I want them to do well in school, go to university, get good degrees and good jobs.’

‘Life is not all about study and work, Melanie. People need to figure out who they are and what makes them tick. They may not want to go to college. They may want to travel the world, and that’s as beneficial as any degree. Life throws you curve balls. After the accident I didn’t go to college. I travelled. It opened my eyes and my mind and helped me heal.’

For the love of Jesus! It also allowed you to check out of real life. Your mother supported you, and now your wife pays the bills. It’s all very well being in touch with your inner child but it’s not going to pay the bloody mortgage.

Melanie forced her voice to stay low and calm. ‘Frank, I want the girls to be independent financially so they can always look after themselves. That requires hard work. I understand you want to encourage their creative and spiritual side, but we have to make them see that they cannot waste a good education and they need to knuckle down.’

‘I disagree. Their mental health is more important than anything else. That needs to be our main focus. They are happy, confident kids, and I want to nurture that. The car crash almost pushed me over the edge, but I got through it with therapy and travel. The twins’ happiness is my only priority.’

The twins were too bloody confident. A bit of humility wouldn’t go amiss. And life wasn’t only about happiness, she wanted to scream. It was about reality and hard work and paying bills and grafting and dealing with difficult clients and colleagues. She knew Frank had had to deal with a lot at a young age, but she felt that in a way it had stunted his growth. Frank was still, essentially, an eighteen-year-old boy. The trauma of the crash and his subsequent journey to healing – paid for and aided by Nancy – had stopped him growing up. Frank had spent the years between eighteen and twenty-five in therapy, travelling the world and meditating on mountains at sunrise. Nancy had indulged his every whim because she was so full of guilt.

Melanie, on the other hand, had grown up in a strict family that valued education over everything. If she had put even a toe out of place, her parents would have come down on her like a ton of bricks. Money was tight and she’d always known she would be on her own financially, which had given her drive and focus, something the twins lacked. She had to keep them on track. She would not raise spoilt smartarses. But she always had to play the bad cop to Frank’s good cop and it was becoming exhausting.

‘Happiness is important, Frank, but children also need boundaries. They need to focus more on their schoolwork and less on messing about.’

‘They’ll certainly get focus from you. You never stopworking. It’s not good for you, Melanie. You need to switch off from work more.’

Like you, Frank? Like the way you work part-time? I don’t have that luxury because if I take time off I’ll be fired. I’m not a blood relative. I’m an in-law. I’m disposable.

Melanie sighed and decided not to reply.

When they got home, the twins were sprawled on the sofa, cuddled under their fleecy blankets, orange for Joni and green for Janis, watchingGrey’s Anatomy. They barely looked up when their parents came in.

‘Hey, what’s going on with Dr Dreamy?’ Frank squeezed himself between them.

They complained about him sitting on their blankets, then scooched over to give him space, placing their feet on his lap.

‘Can you turn that off, please?’ Melanie asked.

‘No, it’s a really good episode,’ Joni said.

‘There’s only ten minutes left,’ Janis told her.

Melanie picked up the remote and turned off the TV.

‘Muuuum!’ The twins were outraged.

‘Come on, Melanie, let them finish the episode,’ Frank said.

Melanie stood in front of them all. ‘Are you interested to know what Mr Grogan said to us?’

The twins crossed their arms defensively.

‘Go on, then,’ Janis said.

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