Page 75 of The In-Laws

‘Granny is a bitch.’ Toby giggled.

‘Toby! I told you never to use that word.’ Katie was mortified and ashamed that her seven-year-old even knew that word. She regretted the outburst every day.

‘Well, he heard it from you,’ Lucy said. ‘And Granny is not that word, Toby. Granny is the best and kindest person.’

‘All she does is give everyone boring books,’ Toby complained.

I hear you, buddy.

‘Okay, let’s move on.’ Katie was embarrassed that her kids were acting up so much in front of Theo. She didn’t want him going back to Ross and Amanda, telling them that her kids were wild and rude.

Desperate to change the subject, Katie asked Theo how he was getting on in school, if things had got any better.

He shrugged. ‘Not really. It’s hard to fit in, to be honest. The other boys have formed their friendship groups and aren’t that welcoming.’

‘My new class was like that this year. They mixed up the classes and all my friends were in the other class. It took me a while to make new ones.’ Lucy went over to her cousin. She patted his arm. ‘It’ll be better when they get to know you.’

Katie wanted to hug her daughter for being so sweet.

‘Maybe they don’t understand you because of your weird accent,’ Toby suggested. ‘Try talking like us. You can practise tonight.’

Katie laughed. ‘People would pay money to have Theo’s beautiful accent. He shouldn’t change a thing.’

‘I’ll be your friend,’ Toby told him. ‘You can play with me anytime.’

Theo’s serious face broke into a smile. ‘Thanks, Toby. I appreciate the offer.’

‘I just need to give Theo some instructions.’ Katie finished her wine, pulled Theo into the TV room and closed the door. ‘I have to talk to you about the cocaine. What’s going on? I presume you don’t have any with you now?’

Theo looked appalled. ‘Of course not. I would never bring it into your home. I just do it sometimes when I’m feeling … well, when things get a bit full-on.’

‘Like when you feel overwhelmed or stressed?’

He nodded. ‘Exactly.’

Katie had to admit that at his age – and younger – she’d used alcohol as a crutch. But drugs were so much worse. ‘You have to stop, Theo. It’s so dangerous. Have a few beers, but stay away from the heavy stuff.’

‘Alcohol is a drug too,’ Theo said.

‘I’d hardly call a glass of wine or a beer a drug.’

Theo shrugged. ‘They’re all drugs.’

Katie didn’t have time for this, and she thought it was a bit rich of him to be banging on about alcohol when cocaine was actually a proper illegal drug. ‘Promise me you’ll stop. It’s a road to Loser Land and it would break your mother’s heart. You’ve put her through enough. Come on, you’re a lovely young man. Just park the drugs and make your mum proud. Your dad too,’ she added.

Theo rolled his eyes. ‘My dad’s the one breaking my mum’s heart.’

‘What do you –’

The door burst open. ‘MUMMY!’ Toby bellowed. ‘Lucy said I’m stupid.’

‘Lucy!’ Katie glared at her daughter.

‘He is, Mum. He keeps reading “dog” as “bog”.’

Katie felt herself being triggered. ‘Lucy!’ she snapped.‘Do not ever, ever call your brother stupid again. He is only just seven.’

‘I could read books at seven.’