Page 78 of The In-Laws

Why the hell did I let Frank talk me into this? Bloody Petrus and bloody sexual attraction and bloody dead sex life.

There was a smell of incense wafting about, but apart from that the room was not full of hippie-dippy trinkets, as she had expected. It was sparse, with just a couch, two chairs and some cushions on the floor.

The woman, Helena, asked them if they knew much about Tantric sex.

‘No, and we have just an hour. I have a meeting at two,’ Melanie said sharply.

Helena smiled knowingly. ‘Okay, I want you to sit back and relax while I tell you a little about the practice. There is a lot of misinformation about Tantric sex. Tantra is an ancient Indian practice that dates back more than five thousand years. In Sanskrit, the wordtantrameans “woven together”. People who practise Buddhist and Hindu meditation may also practise Tantric sex as a way to “weave” the physical with the spiritual.’

‘Right, okay. Just to be clear, I will not be taking my clothes off,’ Melanie said firmly.

‘Relax, Melanie. I told you, this will only go as far as we want it to,’ Frank reassured her, for the millionth time.

Helena smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Melanie. You will not be asked to take off any clothes, but you might like to take off your coat so you are more comfortable.’

Melanie hadn’t realized she was clutching her coat around herself. She took it off and placed it beside her. It was the only item of clothing she would be removing today.

‘So, what has brought you both here?’

Frank cleared his throat. ‘Melanie and I have drifted apart on an intimate level.’

‘It happens to everyone,’ Helena reassured them. ‘What was your sex life like before, when you were closer?’

‘I think we’ve just got into a bad rut. In the early days we had good sex.’ Melanie suddenly felt defensive about her former sex life. She didn’t want Helena thinking she was cold and frigid.

‘Really good,’ Frank agreed.

‘Did Frank satisfy you sexually?’ Helena asked.

Oh, God, it was all so horribly awkward. Still, she had agreed to this so she had to engage.

‘Yes, Frank is all about being in the moment and he was very considerate, always made sure I was … well, you know, satisfied.’

‘That’s wonderful. How about you, Frank? Did Melanie satisfy you sexually?’

‘Yeah, yes … I mean, yes, she did.’ Frank sounded very hesitant.

‘It’s important to be honest here,’ Helena reminded Frank.

‘Melanie is a good lover, but I suppose as time went on she seemed more in a hurry, but that’s Melanie. She spends her life sprinting forward.’

‘What are you saying?’ Melanie was not being slated sexually without a fight.

‘It’s not a bad thing, just your personality. I felt that you were keen for things to be done efficiently.’

‘You’re saying I rushed you?’

‘You always seemed in a hurry for me to climax.’

Melanie winced at the word ‘climax’.

‘Were you in a hurry, Melanie?’ Helena asked.

‘I don’t … I mean … I just … I suppose I didn’t feel the need for it to go on for a long time.’

Helena clasped her hands together. ‘Okay, sex is as much about intimacy as the mechanics. The more intimate you are, the better the sex. It seems to me that you need to work on intimacy. Tantric sex brings together spirituality and sexuality and emphasizes the importance of intimacy during a sexual experience. The exercises that we will do today are simple, but profound.’

God, what did that mean? Simple was good, but profound? Melanie didn’t like the sound of that. Her phone buzzed in her bag. She reached for it, but Frank got there first.

---