Page 34 of Pitch Prince

“I know, I know. I just…life is so fucking complicated. I’ve got my wife — ex-wife — think about, and my kids. I still haven’t come out, and…” I tailed off.

“Well what do you want?” Rhys asked. “Do you want to spread your wings, go try out some guys? I could be like your gay auntie, introducing you to the scene…”

“God no,” I said. I hesitated before I carried on, not wanting to sound too creepy. “I only want you. I’ve only wanted you for a while.”

I was worried that might seem a little bit intense, but Rhys just curled his arm around me even tighter. “Good.”

“I can’t promise much,” I said. “But if you want to come and see me in the off season, I’d like that.”

“You want me to visit you in Edinburgh?” he asked.

“Of course. I don’t know if I’m ready to come out yet, but I want to.”

“And until then…” Rhys said, leaving the question hanging in the air.

“Until then, no one will think badly of two professional rugby players and known friends seeing the sights of Edinburgh together for a couple of weeks,” I said. “People have seen our chemistry on the pitch, there’s no reason for anyone to think that it translates to the bedroom.”

Rhys took a long slurp of his tea. We both jumped when his phone vibrated, like it had interrupted some serene peace.

“Fuck,” he laughed. “Padraig is not thrilled I left him hanging last night.”

I let out an involuntary growl. “Is he now?”

“Not jealous, are you?” Rhys asked.

“Aye,” I admitted. “If I wasn’t so jealous last night we wouldn’t have done anything, so I’m not going to apologise for it.”

“Well I guess I’ll let him down gently then,” Rhys teased.

“I know I have no right to ask…but can we keep this between us?” I asked.

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me,” Rhys said.

“I mean, can we keep doing this between us. I won’t be hooking up with anyone else and I’m hoping you’ll do the same.”

“I’d like that,” said Rhys. “So what are we? I know I won’t be telling anyone, I just want to know where we stand in my head.”

“Well…if you can handle me being closeted, I don’t know if it’s a bit early to get the wordboyfriendinvolved-”

“No, boyfriend is fine with me,” said Rhys.

“Boyfriend it is then,” I replied. I pulled him in closer to me, and looked over at the bed we’d left the night before. “I bloody hope the cleaning staff are discreet about it.”

***

Home was…weird. Having left Callum at the gates of Auckland airport so he could take the plane back to Bristol and drive to Cardiff, whereas I was flying straight to Edinburgh, it felt like we were leaving things in limbo before we even got started Like a school-yard romance where two kids called each other boyfriend and girlfriend for a couple of weeks and then never talked again. It had been a week, but our victory parade through the streets of Edinburgh wasn’t far away.

But I had to remember after the highs of a winning rugby tour and captaining my team to victory, that I had real life responsibilities too. Responsibilities that I loved, but responsibilities all the same.

“Why are those people staring at you, Daddy?” asked Logan as I held his hand, walking him through the aquarium in Fife. At ten years old he was too old to be holding my hand really, but he hadn’t let go and I didn’t mind.

“Because I’m very handsome and famous,” I replied. Sarah laughed at my side.

“Sharks!” he shouted, letting go of my hand and leading his older sister over to the pretty pathetic looking sharks as she rolled her eyes but followed anyway.

“Thanks for doing this,” I said to her. “It can’t be easy, all the..stares and stuff.”

“I’m used to it,” she said. “Years of being married to the best rugby player in Scotland.”

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