Page 37 of Pitch Prince

I’d played around with closeted guys before, but I’d never dated one. And the reality was a mix and match of emotions. I loved every second I spent with him, even keeping our distance and acting friendly as we toured Edinburgh. And then our days and nights in his little flat were electric, spent with constant body contact and our lips exploring the others’ body. Every morning that I woke up in a tangle of limbs with Callum felt like the new best morning of my life.

On Sunday morning, our last, Callum took me on a walk through Edinburgh to Holyrood Park. It was nothing like the flat expanses of parkland I knew from Cardiff and London. Arthur’s Seat was a dormant volcano that rose high above the Edinburgh landscape and Callum insisted on climbing it so that we could see the whole of the city from where we sat near its peak. It was quiet, and people seemed to be enjoying the view rather than looking at us, so he snuck me his hand. The sun was high in the sky, and things felt blissful for a moment.

“I wish it could always be like this,” he said. “Just you and me. Holding hands like nobody’s watching.”

“And why can’t it be?” I ventured. “More like…when do you think it can be?”

“I…” Callum started, but then he was snatching his hand away from mine and standing up, dusting off his jeans. “Hi, I didn’t expect to see you here!”

“Obviously…” drawled one of the ladies walking toward us. As I took notice of them I realised that one of them was Callum’s ex-wife, Sarah.

Trooping up behind them were both kids I’d seen on FaceTime and framed in pictures around Callum’s flat. My heart stuttered in my chest with nerves. How was I meant to act? How should I approach the whole situation? Did Sarah know about me? Did the older lady? Sarah’s face was a blank canvas, but the way the older woman’s eyes narrowed at the night of me told me she had me figured out. And she didn’t like what she was seeing.

“Daddy!” shouted the youngest kid, Logan, as he launched himself toward Callum. Olivia just gave him a smile and a quick hug.

“How are you both, huh?” he asked. As they chattered away to him I realised he had gone into complete Dad mode. And I was left facing his wife and the other woman alone.

“Hi, I’m Rhys. Nice to meet you,” I said. Sarah smiled politely but the older woman looked me up and down before speaking.

“Yes, we know who you are,” she said.

Ah. I wanted to believe it was from all the newspaper coverage but her expression wasn’t exactly screamingbig rugby fan meeting breakout star of the tournament. It was moreschool matron meets truant.I noticed she also hadn’t given me her name.

Finally after what felt like an age of silence Callum came over to talk to us. “Rhys, you’ve met Sarah, my…ex-wife, and Elizabeth. My ex-mother-in-law.”

Ah.So that was why Elizabeth looked at me with murder in her eyes. If Sarah knew all about Callum’s sexuality, it made sense that she would have spoken to her mother. And it made sense that her mother would see an openly gay friend of Callum’s as a threat. She was right, but it didn’t mean I liked the assumption.

“What brings you both up here? Casual walk amongstfriends?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yes, that’s it Elizabeth.” I could see Callum’s jaw tighten as he spoke. It was like everything in him tensed up around her, and I could see why. Both Callum and Sarah looked at one another, then back at the kids to make sure they were out of earshot.

Then Sarah spoke. “Now isn’t the time for this, Mum. Callum, I’ll drop the kids off to you tomorrow morning, alright?”

Callum nodded and turned to say goodbye to the kids. Sarah and Elizabeth both continued to appraise me. I hadn’t felt so much like I was at a cattle auction since the very first day of academy rugby. As they both turned to go, Elizabeth hit Callum with a pointed glare. “Do think of the children now, won’t you?”

“I always do, Elizabeth. You know that.” Callum said. We watched as they trooped down the path away from us until they were out of sight. When I looked at Callum, the set of his jaw was tense.

“She really gets to you, doesn’t she?” I asked.

“No,” Callum muttered, but I could see in the way he held himself that he’d completely closed off.

“Let’s go,” I said, reaching out to tug his arm. I had very little time before my train and didn’t want to spend it with Callum sulking about something we couldn’t control.

We were almost to the bottom of the hill when Callum finally spoke up. “You know, even if I wasn’t gay I wonder if Elizabeth might have pushed me and Sarah apart sooner or later,” he said.

“Really? How come?”

“Well, you saw her just now. She wasn’t just talking like that because I’m Sarah’s ex. She’s talked like that since the day we met. For a while, I thought it was because I wasn’t good enough for Sarah. It’s not like an academy rugby player is on fantastic wages, and it definitely wasn’t the case fifteen years ago. I worked my way up through the squad, started getting sponsorship deals and earning enough money to get Sarah whatever she wanted…then I realised that nothing I could have done would make her happy that Sarah was with me, or anyone. Elizabeth thrives on being needed by people. And me being around meant Sarah needed her a little bit less.”

“So why do you care now?” I asked. “Not trying to be too nosey, but…she’s out of your life now, at least as much as she can be.”

“Because she’s old fashioned and very traditional,” Callum said. “Sarah’s told her why we split and she doesn’t like it. And I don’t want her poisoning Logan’s mind. He’s so young, so happy. The thought of her stamping on that joy for life and the happiness he gets just from being himself is enough to make her want to keep me on side.”

“So how the hell do you move forward with your life?” I asked. I looked around to check we were far enough away from other people before talking again. “How do you take away that influence and move forward, come out, be yourself?”

“I don’t know, “ Callum admitted. He looked completely defeated. Not caring who was round, I yanked him into a rough hug.

Later, on the train home I worried about our relationship for the very first time. I knew Callum wasn’t out. I knew that I’d have to make sacrifices and that his family would always come first. My biggest worry now was that he might never come out, and that I might be stuck in this little limbo between him and Elizabeth forever.

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