Page 26 of Lord of the Lock

“You got into bed with your therapist?” Nathan asked.

“No, when I struggled to open up she told me to turn away, face the wall. When I couldn’t focus and still wouldn’t talk she got me one of those fidget toys. It helped take away the tension of talking to a stranger about my problems, just being more focused on that. So I figured if I could take your attention away from the bad thoughts you’d be able to talk more openly about it all.”

“You’re a very smart man, Finn Roberts.”

“Am not. You should see my spelling,” I said.

“Smart isn’t about what they said to you at school, you know?” Nathan said. “It’s about emotional intelligence. Figuring out things for yourself. Pushing through adversity even when you’re hurt.”

“Well, I got into therapy after the whole video thing wrecked me,” I admitted. “I was pretty damn emotionally stupid before then.”

“Face me?” muttered Nathan, moving away from me a little bit to give me the room to turn over. I felt my cheeks get warm, knowing what effect his hand had on me. Not wanting to show him.

I tried my best to think ofanythingthat would turn me off. Kittens dying. Granny porn. That one scene inThrones of Bloodwhere Daniel Ellison had had to scoop his own guts back into his stomach. But no. Nothing. The knowledge that Nathan was lying almost naked in my bed was enough to keep me at full mast.

“Aren’t you going to face me?” Nathan asked.

I had to tell him. With all he’d just told me, I wasn’t going to turn without talking first. I didn’t want him to see my state as some kind of gross reaction to his emotional trauma. “The cuddles got to me a bit there.” I admitted. “If I turn over, I need you to know that I’m not…I’m not coming on to you or anything. It’s just a natural reaction to the cuddles.”

Nathan laughed quietly. “Are you that worried…that you’re hard?”

“Yes,” I muttered.

“Just turn over, I’ve seen it all before,” he said.

So I did, slowly and reluctantly and trying to ignore the fact that turning over to face Nathan would make me even harder. That feeling his eyes on me might make the weight in my boxer-briefs even more obvious.

I looked into Nathan’s deep grey eyes in the morning light. And just for a second, they flicked downwards.

“Jesus Christ, man. How the fuck can you have a cock as big as you do flaccid and still be a grower?”

I looked down at my own cock like it was a surprise to me too, but I knew how big I was. The guys in the changing room liked to call me the Horse. Most lovers liked to call me achallengeornot going near that fucking thing.I was a bit of a trophy or a bragging right in certain circles in Cardiff, and I’d liked that once upon a time.

My cock was straining against my boxers as it curved over one thigh, the size of it lifting at the waistband so that just a sliver of it was visible. I knew Nathan had seen. I looked back up at Nathan, then allowed myself the grace to do the same to him. To my surprise, he was making a pretty big tent in his boxers too.

“Busted,” he muttered. “This is weird, isn’t it?”

“Only if you want it to be,” I replied. We were inches way from one another. We could reach out and touch one another, or we could kiss with a tiny movement of our heads. But we didn’t.

“So how far does this…fake relationship go?” Nathan asked. “We’re putting it out there that we’re together, but we’re not? So…is all of this stuff off limits?”

“What would you like?” I asked. “Did you want to…change the deal?”

“Like I told you…my only real sexual experiences have been in a high-pressure relationship, where the sex was bad and I didn’t always feel safe. You feel like the opposite, Finn. You’re a safe place.”

I knew I was blushing, but I could see that same pink creeping into Nathan’s cheeks before he continued. “So I’m wondering if we can flip the script on what I had before. If we’re not in any kind of relationship, and there’s no pressure…” Nathan tailed off.

I was waiting to hear what he had to say, even as my eyes memorised every bit of his body. From the tiny patch of chest hair in the very centre of his chest to the abs that had started to become clearer very early on in our workout sessions to the trail of light brown hair that led from his bellybutton into his boxer shorts.

Finally Nathan spoke. “I was wondering if you’d be a safe space for me to try things again. It’s been a while…and it looks like you need it as much as I do.” He gestured down at my boxers, where my hard on had subsided a little bit through our conversation.

“That…” I didn’t know what to say. My trust in sex had been shot to hell since the video of me had come out and pushed me even further down the spiral I was on. But Nathan was right. This felt like a safe space. This room, just the two of us. “…sounds good to me,” I barely said before we were both moving in to kiss.

We both probably had morning breath, and messy hair, and smelled like sleep…but I didn’t care. I had Nathan’s sweet lips on my own, and it felt amazing. I trailed my finger down his chest but stopped short of his boxers before trailing it back again. This was a safe space for him, and I wouldn’t be doing anything without asking his consent first.

Nathan pulled away from the kiss and looked at me. My cock was straining against my boxers again, and there was a damp patch starting to show where I was already leaking. It really had been too fucking long. Nathan laid back so that we were lying side by side, almost clinically. Slowly, carefully, he pulled down his banana-print boxer briefs to reveal what was underneath. Surrounded by carefully trimmed light brown hair, his cock curved up onto his belly, a tiny bead of pre-cum clinging to the end of it as he pulled his foreskin back over the head slowly.

I could see his whole body shaking as he did, and when he spoke his voice was quivering — with excitement or nerves I didn’t know. “Just me, then?” he said with a shaky laugh.

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