Page 28 of Lord of the Lock

I felt a little bit self-conscious. “I used to shave all that, kept myself smooth….I’ve let myself go a bit,” I admitted.

Nathan’s hand ghosted past my cock and brushed against the hair there. “I like it like this,” he said. “Turn around.”

I did as I was told and felt as Nathan’s hands washed down from my shoulders, into the divots at the bottom of my back and finally cupped my arse more suggestively than I had dared to with him. I knew I wasn’t exactly smooth back there either but Nathan washed it pretty thoroughly so he must have liked it.

“Back around?” Nathan asked I turned to face him and he captured my face in his hands under the spray before standing on his tiptoes. I closed the distance between us and kissed him with wet lips under the shower spray. “Thank you,” he said.

I should have been thanking him. Instead, I just kissed him again.

15

Chapter Fifteen - Nathan

I felt like a teenager, sneaking back in to my parents’ house after a night out with a man. The difference being, I felt like I was coming homecleannow. And not just because Finn had showered and worshipped every inch of my skin. Every time I’d ever had sex with a man — and it had only ever been one particular man — I couldn’t help but feel dirty afterwards, my stomach churning with the feeling that we were doing somethingwrongsomehow. And now, finally, I was kind of starting to see why.

Lewis and I had been two inexperienced kids when we’d met, and Lewis’ self loathing had rolled off him in waves. It had infected me, a little nerd otherwise happy with his sexuality. It had made me hate the one thing I most wanted. And with a safe space like Finn, it had been different.

So I was practically whistling as I stepped into the kitchen, only stopping when I noticed that Mum was already sat down at the breakfast bar with a cup of tea. “You OK, love? You had us worried,” she said.

“Who’s us? Dad was the one who essentially kicked me out,” I said.

“Well…” Mum waved one hand about in the air hopelessly. “I was worried. And he probably would be too, if he were in his right mind.”

“But he’s not, Mum. It’s not fair on you and it’s not fair on me.”

“What do you want me to bloody do about it?” Mum snapped. And then her face crumpled into a frown. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just so stressed because…”

“Because Dad is being a prick. I know. I know.”

“Where did you stay then? You weren’t answering your phone…”

“With Finn,” I replied as casually as I could, hoping the blush didn’t creep into my cheeks.Why do I even care? Everyone thinks we’re going steady anyway.

“So things are going well for you then?” Mum asked. “I mean, after the last boyfriend…I thought you’d sworn off his type for life. Your father said who it was, that Welsh rugby player who was in all the papers months ago.”

“Finn isn’t that type, Mum. He’s…nice.” It was nice, not having to lie about our relationship for her. All I was saying was true. Finn was a nice guy, and I enjoyed spending time with him.

Why isn’t he my boyfriend? The thought crossed my mind. I mentally swatted it away. Neither of us was in the right place mentally to commit to that kind of thing.

“So, your boyfriend. When do I get to meet him?” Mum asked.

“Well I’m not bringing him here,” I said. “Not with Dad being the way he is about everything.”

“The Pont then, I’ll set you both up a table this evening if he’s free. It’ll be a date, you’ll hardly know I’m there, I just want to see…I want to see that you’re safe, Nath.”

That almost broke my heart. Unlike Dad’s new flippant attitude towards Lewis, Mum seemed to still know how much that whole part of my life had shaped and hurt me. And how it had pushed me away. “I’ll text him and see if he’s free.”

“Good. I’m glad…” Mum tailed off as a banging noise on the ceiling up above us made us both wince. “Your father’s awake, I should go and see what he wants.”

“We need to talk about what to do with him,” I said. “In the nicest way possible, he’s making our lives shit right now.”

Mum snorted. “The nicest way possible, of course. What can we do? He’s your father, my husband.”

“Not the same one I remember. He needs help, Mum. And not just from us. Professionals. You deserve a break, and he’s clearly trying his best to piss me off at the moment.”

“He’s not doing it on purpose, love,” Mum said. “He’s just struggling with all this. The change he’s gone through, losing a leg and his dignity-” The banging interrupted her again. “God forbid he uses his crutch forsomething,” she muttered as she left the kitchen. And I was left none the wiser as to how to help her.

I pulled out my phone to text my not-boyfriend, who was nonetheless saved in my phone with a heart emoji next to his name like I was some stupid lovestruck teenager.

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