Page 30 of Lord of the Lock

“How’s Pont’s chances looking for the season coming up?” I asked. I had no real interest in rugby, but seeing Finn’s enthusiasm for it always made me happy.

“The men’s team has the derby match with Pandy first thing in the new season,” said Finn. He took a sip of the soda before carrying on. “Thing is, I’d normally be really confident in our chances. We finished last year top of the league, we’ve got a little bit of professionalism within the team whereas they’re completely amateur…but the derby match is always going to scare me. They really fucking try hard to beat us. And they’ve got some big bastards on the team who could make mincemeat out of us if they really wanted to.”

“Training much then?” I asked. “Surely you’re working around everyone who has jobs…”

“I’ve got the men’s and women’s team training twice a week each in the evenings and I’ve given them all homework to use the gym at least twice a week between sessions. So many of the older players think they’re gonna get picked automatically, but I keep telling Rhod that’s not the way to do it any more. We have to reward commitment and fitness.”

“You’ll do fantastic this year, I know it. I’ll buy a Pont scarf and hat and come to every match,” I said. The young waitress came back with our food before Finn had a chance to reply. The steak in front of him was massive compared to my dainty little bit of fish, but I had full faith that he’d rise to the challenge.

“Bone apple-teeth,” he said.

I laughed. “Funny, like the memes.”

“Memes?” said Finn. “What…what’s so funny about that?”

“Y’know, the memes. Bone-apple teeth, bone apple tea, boney m’s feet…”

“So what you’re saying is that people don’t say bone apple teeth before food?” Finn looked genuinely confused, and I couldn’t stop myself laughing. “I saw it on Facebook and thought it was some French thing!”

“Bon appetitis the French,” I replied through laughter. “Some guy misspelled it and got meme’d to hell.”

“Oh my God,” Finn buried his head in his hands. “I’m just gonna leave now. This is like when I saidweather foreskininstead ofweather forecastin front of the whole fucking Welsh team.”

“You know what? I’m not even going to ask,” I said. “I’ll deal with language, you deal with rugby.”

“Can you do the maths too?” Finn asked. “I’ll take on gardening if you can do the maths.”

“Sounds good to me, boyfriend.” I held up my glass to clink against his. We each tucked into our food and somehow he was done with his massive fuck-off steak and chips before I’d made much of a dent in my salmon. I was aware of his eyes on me throughout every bite of my meal.

“Well that was delicious,” he said once I was finished and rubbing my very round belly. “What’s for dessert?”

“You havegot tobe kidding me,” I said. No way could he eat a steak half the size of a cow and still be hungry. Finn called over the waitress with a raised hand. “Would you mind grabbing us a top up of these two sodas please? And a dessert menu if you have the time? Thank you darling.”

The waitress nodded and I could see a blush creeping up her cheeks as she took our glasses up to the bar. “Do you even know the effect you have on people?” I asked him.

“Effect?” Finn looked even more puzzled than when he’d mangled French. “I have an effect?”

“You’re big and tall, gorgeous and muscular, and you’re friends with everyone the second you set eyes on them. I reckon that waitress would give you her number in seconds if you asked. In fact, I bet she scribbles it on the receipt tonight.”

“B-but I’m with you,” Finn said. “Am I not making that obvious enough?”

I dropped my voice to a whisper. “Finn, we’re not really together. I know this arrangement works for us, but if there is someone who you start to like, please don’t hold back for me. I know you’re a good guy with strong morals, but I can protect myself if needs be.” I hated saying it. I knew why, at the back of my mind, but it was something I didn’t want to admit out loud…or even to myself.

Finn blew out a breath and frowned. “You know I like you, right?” he whispered. “Like, this might all be fake, but I’m having a fucking fantastic time with you. And if I need to do anything to show more people that we aretogether, then I will. It’s not just wanting to protect you. I genuinely care for you. So much.”

I could feel my cheeks heat but worst of all I could feel tears pricking at the back of my eyes. I’d never had a relationship as real as this pretend one with Finn. And that hurt just as much as he made me feel happy.

The waitress came back over with the menu and drinks, and much as I’d predicted, there was a napkin folded on top of it.

“I’ll leave you both to decide if there’s anything extra you want,” she said. Finn opened up the napkin then coughed and crumpled it and threw it into the centre of the table.

“Told you,” I said, though I wasn’t feeling all that smug. Why wouldn’t he go for the pretty waitress?

“I can’t believe this,” he said. “Are you having dessert?”

“Nah, too full,” I rubbed my belly. “Though if you’re having something…”

“I’ll allow you a bite,” said Finn. “Finn don’t share food.”

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