Page 40 of Brat on the Ball

“No,” I admitted. “Are they a new sponsor?”

“They’re a football team in the Saudi Arabian League,” said Tim. And my heart dropped.

“No,” I said before I could even think. “No way.”

“We’ve received an offer for you from them,” said Tim. He didn’t look happy about it at all. “The offer is…well, it’s astronomical. I don’t mean to disparage you, but it’s far more than any Championship player can expect to receive as a fee.”

“They shouldn’t even be offering outside of the transfer window!” I exclaimed. Translation: I had thought I was safe from John’s machinations for a good few months yet.

“They’ve offered to take you on loan, with promise of payment in full in August.”

“I don’t want to go,” I said. “Please, please don’t make me go.” I was aware I was pleading. But I couldn’t imagine anything worse.

“Ollie…your agent went well beyond his authority here. He negotiated the deal and has presented it to the owners of the club. And I have to do as I’m told. They see it as a fantastic return on investment.”

“Tim, you cannot send me to Saudi Arabia. I would rather die.”

“Look, I know it’s not perfect, but…” Tim started, but he didn’t seem to know how to finish.

“It’s less thannot perfect,” I spat. “It’s not safe. I will bein danger.”

“Tens of players go to Saudi Arabia every year now. The pay is good, the lifestyle is even better. Unless you can give me a solid reason that I can present to the owners, I will be hard pressed to keep you. Ollie, please understand that I don’t want to lose you. You are my best player, and a good person. But the owners want to see a return on their investment, and you’re suddenly looking like the most appreciable asset they’ve ever owned.”

“You know why I can’t go,” I said. “I don’t have to say it.”

“I think you do.” Tim’s eyes were steely. “You think you’ll be the first player to go to Saudi Arabia with a secret? Unless you are prepared to talk about why you’re so reluctant, I have nothing to go on.”

“I…” I stood up, pacing the little office as my mind ran over itself, running faster and faster like a Catherine Wheel. “I’m…”

Shit. I could feel myself hyperventilating, my breaths coming faster and faster and making it harder to get any actual air in. My heart was beating out a heavy rhythm on my ribcage.

“Ollie? Are you alright?” Tim had stood up, but I was hardly aware of his hand on my shoulder. I was floating, and as nice as Tim was, he wasn’t the kind of man who could anchor me down. Not like…

George. Just the thought of him was enough to bring me back down to Earth. To slow down my breathing just enough to get in control of myself.

“I’m gay,” I whispered. I knew Tim had heard me, but I needed to say the words a little louder. To announce it, to him and myself. “I’m a gay man, Tim. I cannot go to a country where they would be prepared to jail me, or worse. And even if they wouldn’t do that to me because of who I am, I am not prepared to go to a place that would view me as less than human because of who I have fallen in love with.”

Tim wrapped his arms around me. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispered in my ear. “Thank you for telling me.”

He let me go after a second and returned to his chair. I perched on the edge of the other chair, too keyed up to sit down properly.

“So what comes next?” he asked.

“…next?”

“Yes. I can talk to the owners, but you need to be…prepared. To be a little more open with this. There are other closeted players in the league who’ve chosen money over principles and gone over to the Middle Eastern leagues.”

“I…don’t know if I can,” I admitted. “I’ve only just said it out loud to myself. I can’t imagine the reaction if I put it out in the world.”

Tim pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “This will make it a more difficult prospect. The owners, well, they didn’t become billionaires because of their stunning empathy.”

“So what do I do?” I asked.

“You sit, and you wait for me to work this out. I don’t want to lose you, especially knowing what I do now.” Tim gave me a weak smile. “Let me hash it out with the owners. In the meantime, I have two requests for you.”

I hesitated, afraid to ask what they were, so Tim continued. “First of all, you look through your contract with John. He is a shark, but there will be a break clause in there somewhere. I cannot have him go against your wishes like that again. Does he…does he know about you?”

“Yes,” I admitted. I watched Tim’s kind eyes turn to hardened steel at the admission.

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