Page 28 of Across the Universe

"Am I being tested on my fitness as a parent?" Bill bristles. He sees the way Dr. Sheinbaum's eyes flutter in response to his sharp tone, and he backs off. "Sorry, I still feel a little defensive sometimes when you ask questions--like you're grilling me to see what I know about my own children."

"It's not a test, Bill. It's a conversation. I'm curious to know more about your children as people." Dr. Sheinbaum's tone is mild. She smiles at him gently.

"Right." Bill clears his throat. "Well, her favorite subject is science, and she says she wants to be an astronaut like me."

Dr. Sheinbaum's eyes light up. "That's wonderful. We need more women in science. How does it make you feel?"

"That she wants to follow in my footsteps? Wonderful. The idea of her trying to compete in a man's world? Terrified." He's being brutally honest here, so he doesn't hold back. "I think her life would be easier if she fell into the roles that society expects of her. Being a wife and mother aren't bad gigs, right?"

Dr. Sheinbaum tilts her head ever so slightly, reminding Bill with the flick of an eyebrow that she is neither of those things.

"Right, sorry," Bill says, holding up a hand. "With all due respect, I would assume that being a woman who bucks tradition and societal expectations is hard. And sometimes more than that--potentially really challenging?"

Dr. Sheinbaum holds the sharpened pencil between her fingers and she lifts that hand from the notepad in her lap, tipping it back and forth like a teeter-totter. "It's a mixed bag," she admits. "As a woman trying to do something that is normally the domain of men, you do run into some massive roadblocks and resistance. But it's not without its rewards."

"Of course," Bill agrees quickly. "There is a lot of dignity and satisfaction in following your dreams."

"And yet you'd like your own daughter's dreams to fit more neatly into the prescribed box, rather than bleeding outside the lines?"

Bill inhales loudly through his nostrils. "Maybe?" he admits.

"And in your work life, do you encounter many women who are attempting to break down the barriers for themselves?"

An image of Jeanie instantly pops into Bill's mind. "Sure. There are women engineers at NASA."

There must be something in Bill's reaction—something written on his face, or maybe in the inflection of his voice--because Dr. Sheinbaum looks at him quizzically.

"Anyone in particular who you have gotten to know well? Perhaps someone who you could see your daughter becoming?"

The comparison between Jeanie and Kate makes Bill mildly uncomfortable. "Perhaps," he allows gruffly. "I know someone who I quite admire."

"What does she do?"

"She's an engineer in our department and her name is Jeanie Florence," he says, instantly falling prey to the desire to speak the name of someone who occupies space in your head or heart. "She's in her late twenties, very bright, and she herself has designs on someday reaching the moon."

"She sounds very ambitious."

Bill senses danger here; there is a hanging edge--a cliff--in Dr. Sheinbaum's approach to this topic, and he feels perilously close to falling off it.

"I believe she is ambitious, yes."

"Do you spend much time with Miss Florence? I’m assuming she's not married, and that's wrong of me; some women really can have it all, so that's an unfair presumption on my part."

"She's not married," Bill confirms. Once again, he's got his toes hanging over a cliff and he can see the canyon below. "And we have lunch together occasionally," he says, neglecting to mention that the lunches they share are spent outside alone, talking against the wall of a building. "Jeanie sometimes joins the rest of the crew at The Black Hole after work for a beer. The Black Hole is a bar nearby--"

"I know what The Black Hole is," Dr. Sheinbaum interrupts. "I've been there."

The image of Dr. Sheinbaum sitting in the open-air bar, nursing a beer amongst the young pilots and NASA crew members while single men and women sway on the tiny dance floor to "Try Me" by James Brown doesn't quite jibe.

"Really?" Bill can't hold back a chuckle. "I never pictured that."

It's Dr. Sheinbaum's turn to laugh. "Sure. I have a life outside of my office, Bill. Just like you do. Do you picture me like your teachers when you were a kid, sleeping under my desk and just brushing my teeth in the bathroom sink before my first client arrives?"

Bill smiles wryly.

"I'm kidding," Dr. Sheinbaum says. "Don't answer that." She waves a hand between them. "But back to my initial question: you spend time with Miss Florence outside of work?"

"I have, yes," Bill says, feeling like he's on the stand being interrogated on cross-examination. “But generally in groups. And not recently."

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