Page 48 of Across the Universe

“Bill,” she says, the protest clear in her voice.

But he barrels on. “I won’t call you again. I hear you, Jeanie. I hear you when you tell me you can’t do this, and I have to honor that.”

“Bill,” she says again. This time she puts a hand on top of his, trying to still him. It doesn’t work, and Bill slips his hand out from beneath hers. He stands up, pulls his wallet from the back pocket of his pants, and pulls out a few bills.

“I’m really sorry, Jeanie,” he says, sliding his wallet back into his pocket. He pats the counter with his hand as he turns to go. “You have a good night.”

* * *

Things are not strained at work between Bill and Jeanie because he avoids her entirely in the following weeks. He’s able to stay busy most days with trainings, meetings, and prep for the August launch, and while there is a definite overlap between Bill’s work and Jeanie’s engineering projects, he relegates communication to memos and messages sent via other coworkers. For her part, Jeanie appears focused on her own things.

By some miracle, Bill is able to re-try the nose to TDA simulator and he manages to dock them successfully on the first try. It might be that the crowd watching is smaller, and it could be that Jeanie isn’t standing on the sidelines, observing his every move, but Bill feels far less pressure, and he zooms in with laser-sharp focus to get the job done.

Towards the end of June, he has mastered the task and his confidence about the mission is building. Bill has been rigid about his appointments with Dr. Sheinbaum, seeing her once a week and keeping her updated on anything that feels important. At some point, he'd let the floodgates open about Jeanie, and after he'd admitted to the kiss, he hadn't been able to stop himself. By now, Dr. Sheinbaum knows most of the things he feels about Jeanie, and he'd even told her about the night he called Jeanie from The Black Hole and the way they'd parted at the bar.

For her part, Dr. Sheinbaum has listened with no discernible judgment, but her leading questions have given Bill the distinct impression that she thinks he needs to end all contact with Jeanie and to do his best to avoid personal discussions with her of any kind. For the most part, he's been able to do this, but what he cannot put a stop to is the way his heart beats faster each time he glimpses her.

Jeanie walks the halls of Cape Kennedy just like everyone else there, arms full of folders, a smile on her face as she greets a coworker. She stops in the lunchroom for a cup of coffee midday--sometimes just as Bill is about to do the same himself--and she walks through the open area of their giant office space, weaving between desks, stopping to talk to people, flipping her long hair over one shoulder as she chats animatedly or explains something technical. Bill tries his hardest not to look at her, but he always knows where Jeanie Florence is in any room. Always.

"Let's check in," Arvin North says as Bill passes him one afternoon in the hallway. "My office. Ten minutes."

Bill gives him a small salute and finishes the task at hand before appearing in North's doorway with a light knock.

Arvin North looks up from the paper in front of him and beckons Bill in with two fingers. "Come in. Close the door. Sit."

Bill does as he's told.

North steeples his hands in front of his face as he appraises Bill with a keen eye. "Report has come back from the good doctor," he says, pressing his lips together grimly. Bill's pulse ratchets up several notches as he waits. "She says you're ready."

Bill lets out a long breath, exhaling on a relieved laugh. "Wow. That's good to hear."

"Sure. I can imagine." North looks at him for a beat. "Did you think it would go otherwise?"

"Sir?"

"Did you think Dr. Sheinbaum would pull a thread that unraveled the whole sweater?"

Bill almost laughs out loud at the imagery. "No, not really." He glances out the window. “But, like anyone else, I’m sure I have things that need to be resolved."

"Do you feel you've resolved them?" North leans back in his chair, elbows on his armrests.

"I feel like I've learned a lot. I think there are things to keep working on," Bill says carefully. "Have I 'graduated' from therapy?"

North turns his palms skyward. "You met with a NASA-approved therapist for six months, as required, and she's given you the all clear. So, in a manner of speaking, I guess you have."

Bill has plenty of thoughts and feelings about this, but instead of voicing them, he smiles at North. "Thank you for giving me the option to do this as a way of redeeming myself after the New Year's Eve debacle."

Arvin North says nothing for what feels like a very long time. In reality, it's less than a minute, but when he speaks, Bill can feel the hairs on the back of his neck prickling with anticipation.

"You've been my front-runner all along, Bill," North says gravely. "My money's been on you, and it still is." His eyes flash. "But we cannot have another outburst--of any sort. When you see Ted Mackey next, all I want from you is a handshake and a smile. Do you hear me?"

A glob of bile rises in Bill's throat at Ted Mackey's name. That man and his irritating, arrogant ways pushed Bill to act out and to jeopardize his career. He does not relish the idea of ever seeing Ted again. But instead of letting that sentiment be known, he nods.

"I hear you," Bill says, holding Arvin North's gaze.

This is their tacit agreement to proceed, full steam ahead, towards what they both want. Their goal is unspoken, but it hangs between them in the office: they both want Bill on the shuttle to the moon.

"Alright," North says with finality. "Dismissed. Carry on, Lieutenant Colonel."

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