Page 25 of The Cruise

Kath and Anne made sympathetic responses.

‘But you enjoyed yourself, and I can see that you’ve caught the sun.’ Anne stared at Harold’s face, which was the colour of beetroot.

‘Aye, it reached parts I didn’t know I had.’ Harold moved uncomfortably. ‘I’ve been to the infirmary for some lotion.’ With a grimace, he pulled on the fabric of his trousers.

The curtains drew back on the stage, and a band began to play. TheDiamond StarDance Troupe, vibrant in Eighties costumes, began to perform an Abba medley. They stomped their platform heels and dipped padded shoulders, then circled into the audience to encourage everyone to clap and sing along with their favourite songs.

‘You are the dancing queen…’ Anne chanted, ‘Young and sweet, only….’

‘Sixty-three!’ Kath and Jane sang out and laughed as Anne waved her hands to silence them. She looked anxiously over her shoulder to make sure Harold hadn’t heard.

‘Oh, come on, surely you’re not trying to knock years off your age?’ Jane said as their drinks arrived.

‘Dicky thinks I am in my fifties. I couldn’t help but say, “Just like me,” when he told me he was fifty-five, it slipped out.’

‘I shouldn’t worry, it’s only a holiday flirtation, he doesn’t need to know your true age.’ Kath stared at the bubbles in her prosecco and took a sip.

‘He’s probably knocked a decade off his own age too.’ Jane slugged back her drink.

The dancers were coming to the end of their routine, and guests joined in with the finale song. ‘Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! A man after midnight….’

Anne was singing at the top of her voice, face beaming. She wore a sleeveless white dress that had ridden up her thighs as she raised her arms and clapped.

Jane watched Harold, mesmerised by Anne’s shapely legs, any pain from his sunburn now forgotten.

‘I hope I haven’t missed anything?’ Everyone looked up to see Selwyn. He stood by the table and eased an empty chair beside Jane. ‘I want to see the Marley Men,’ he said and sat down without waiting to be asked. He ordered a drink and another round for everyone. ‘Cheers!’ he said when the drinks arrived.

‘I like your shirt, it’s very appropriate,’ Kath said and nudged Jane. ‘Don’t you think so?’

‘Er, yes, it’s lovely.’ Jane glanced at Selwyn, her eyes averted from his face. His shirt was vibrant in red, yellow, and green stripes, and Jane realised that it mirrored the colours of her own dress.Bugger!She cursed herself for not giving a second thought to her outfit choice when she was getting ready. Auntie, in her wisdom, had made Jane a dress that reflected the colours of reggae music.

‘We’re like twins.’ Selwyn laughed.

‘Hardly…’ Jane shook her head. She felt three times the width of Selwyn and half as tall.

‘Oh, look!’ Anne clapped her hands together. ‘Dicky is coming on stage.’

The band played an intro as Dicky walked over to a microphone stand and gripped it in one hand. ‘Good evening, everyone,’ Dicky began, ‘are you all having a great time?’

The audience was responsive.

‘I hope you’ve seen my book in the shop. Don’t forget to come and see me if you’d like it personally signed.’ He held a copy ofDicky Delaney – My Life in Show Business.

‘How much?’ Harold called out.

‘Ah, the Yorkshire war cry!’ Dicky paced around the stage, pausing when the audience laughed. His timing was impeccable as he delivered his jokes. ‘Women think I’m a sex god,’ he said, ‘they go,sex?God…’ Unbuttoning the jacket of his suit, he continued, ‘I once made love for an hour and five minutes, it was the night the clocks went forward.’

Anne giggled, and Dicky stopped at their table to smile at her, then turned to guests sitting to the left of the stage. ‘Do you know that look women get when they want sex?’ he asked, ‘No, neither do I.’

Dicky’s act continued, ending with a medley of popular songs that concluded with a song by Queen. The audience clapped along, some swaying to the tune, and as Dicky hit the chorus, he spun around to face Anne. ‘Crazy little thing called love…’ he crooned, ending his routine with a wink towards her smiling face.

‘Eh, that was grand.’ Harold applauded as Dicky left the stage.

‘The main act is next,’ Selwyn said and watched as technicians set up equipment and instruments. ‘Now we’re really going to enjoy ourselves.’

Jane didn’t like reggae music and wondered if she could slip away. In his excitement, Selwyn was giving off enough body heat to light a furnace, and she’d be on fire if she stayed any longer. But she knew Kath would kick up a fuss if she escaped. Her folding fan was in her bag, and, waving it across her flushed skin, she picked up her glass, determining to make the most of things.

There was a brief intermission before Peter appeared, and the audience fell silent as he began his introduction to the final act of the evening.

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