Page 34 of The Cruise Club

Theo’s eyes were wide as a woman made a beeline towards him. She wore nothing more than a diamond necklace and leaned heavily on a walking aid. Without pausing to witness any more elderly exposé, Theo, suddenly sober, had backed away.

Now, Theo watched Dicky, who yawned and stared out of the window.

‘There was no mention of this sort of carry-on at the purser’s welcome gathering for the entertainment team,’ Theo said. ‘Is it a regular thing?’

‘Peter is hardly going to flag up the fact that his more able-bodied guests might be enjoying a later-life-lifestyle.’ Dicky grinned. ‘In fact, he panics when people like Colin and Neeta board his ship. It usually ends up with the medical facility being overloaded.’

‘What do you mean?’ Theo was puzzled.

‘Use your imagination. Divorce, widowhood, and the need to spice up a relationship that’s been stale for decades carries a risk.’ Dicky smirked. ‘But after a couple of Athenian Mules, inhibitions go out of port hole windows, creating more STDs than the UK’s postal codes. Carpet burns, bingo-wing bruises, and the “knee-pain swagger” all form a lengthy queue for the nurse in the sober light of day.’

‘Good heavens…’ Theo shook his head.

‘And, of course, there are the claims,’ Dicky added.

‘Claims?’

‘Yesterday I heard that an elderly chap accosted Peter demanding compensation for slipping on the bathmat in Colin and Neeta’s suite while engaged in… Well, think about it – he wasn’t scrubbing his teeth.’ Dicky paused. ‘With a twisted hip, bruised nose and two black eyes, he’s demanding that the Diamond Star Linecompensate him.’

‘Who’d have thought…’ Theo looked wistful. ‘Not what Christopher Columbus had in mind when he returned from the Lesser Antilles and introduced pineapples to Europe.’

Dicky smiled. ‘And now, you too are officially a member of the UDPPC, whose motto is, “Engage first, regret later.”’

‘It’s an organisation that I shall be swerving in future,’ Theo replied, ‘but I take it you’re fully paid up?’

‘Oh, I like to have an occasional dabble. It livens thingsup a little,’ Dicky said, ‘and after several Athenian Mules, the partygoers appear twenty years younger.’

‘They’d need to…’ Theo mused.

‘Of course, it might not be your scene.’

‘No, certainly not. My relationship with a long-term partner was committed, and I never wanted to stray. Or swing both ways,’ Theo added.

Dicky stretched out his arms and, yawning again, shook his head. His neatly arranged quiff quivered, and he combed it into place with his fingers. ‘I need to crack on,’ he said and stood up. ‘There’s a wealthy widow with my name on her day out, waiting for me to escort her.’

‘Does Peter know?’

‘He turns a blind eye.’ Dicky shrugged. ‘After all, guest relations are all about keeping the passengers happy.’

‘So, you are providing a service?’

Dicky grinned lasciviously and rubbed his hands together. ‘With a smile,’ he said, ‘you’ve got it in one.’

Chapter Fifteen

Stepping onto the firm ground, Fran and Sid were brimming with excitement as they disembarked from the ship. The morning sun was already casting its warm glow, and as Fran reached into her bag for her hat, Sid adjusted his cap to shield his eyes from the bright beams.

‘Oh, look,’ Fran called out and waved her hand, ‘there’s Carmen and her mum.’

Heading down the gangway, steering Betty’s chair to avoid bumping into other passengers, Carmen, in crumpled shorts and a T-shirt, already appeared hot and bothered. Meanwhile, Betty was cool in a cream linen dress and straw bonnet, holding out her cane and threatening to poke anyone in her way.

‘Cooee!’ Fran jumped up and down, her yellow kaftan billowing like a balloon. ‘Here we are, let Sid help,’ she said as Sid stepped forward to relieve Carmen of the wheelchair.

‘Be careful!’ Betty snapped to Sid. ‘My daughter has no sense of direction, and I’m lucky I’m not at the bottom of the sea.’

If only!Carmen thought and glanced at Fran, who winked with a playful smile.

‘It’s a short walk from the port into the old town of Rhodes. Shall we set off and see where we end up?’ Fran asked. ‘Sid has been reading a guidebook, so will point out things along the way.’

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