Page 68 of The Cruise Club

‘I want to serve the best food in Blackpool.’ Sid was emphatic.

Fran told Carmen that as innocent teenagers, they’d sat on the Blackpool prom in deckchairs overlooking the crowded beach. ‘Look at all these folk,’ Sid had said and spread out an arm to point at holidaymakers enjoying donkey rides and Mr Whippy ice creams. Straightening his button-down Ben Sherman shirt, Sid fiddled with braces supporting two-toned trousers while Fran dunked a straw in a bottle of Babycham.

‘The best grub is fish and chips,’ Fran replied, ‘that’s what Blackpool is known for.’

Sid lit a Woodbine. ‘All right,’ he’d agreed, ‘I know you’re right, but no one can take a dream away, and it’s my dream that one day Sid and Fran Cartwright will have foodies flocking to our door.’

‘We worked two jobs each,’ Fran continued, ‘and eventually saved enough for a lease on a shack on the Golden Mile.’

Selling candyfloss and burgers, in time, they rented a fish and chip café by the central pier, which they eventually purchased. But Sid never lost sight of his dream, and as the years rolled on, Fran anxiously kept a silent counsel, knowing that it would take great courage to change course from the life they knew.

‘Sid sent me to France to learn about haute cuisine.’ Fran smiled and patted Carmen’s arm. ‘I didn’t want to go and nearly had a panic attack when I met the Michelin-starred chef running the school, but the cookery course was brilliant, and I learned so much that I was buzzing when I got back.’

‘Is that how you started your fine dining restaurant?’ Carmen asked.

‘Yes,’ Fran nodded, ‘and it’s been a success.’

‘No wonder you love each other so much. You’ve shared quite a journey together.’

‘Oh, lass, you’ve no idea. Don’t get me started on the babies that we lost and health scares, too. I was impossible to live with at times and I have no idea how Sid stayed with me when he was grieving so badly himself.’

‘I’m sorry, Fran. I had no idea. Please don’t feel you have to explain anything to me.’

‘It’s all right, dear, we overcame our difficulties, but I’ve always known that if the day came when I’d lost Sid, it would be the one difficulty I’d never overcome.’

‘Thankfully, that day hasn’t arrived.’ Carmen hugged Fran. ‘Look, here’s Theo,’ she said and turned to see Theo carrying two mugs of tea.

‘Any news?’ he asked, handing Carmen and Fran the tea.

But before they could respond, a nurse appeared, and she wore a beaming smile. ‘Mrs Cartwright? You can see your husband now…’

Carmen looked at her watch. She must stop daydreaming, or she would miss Ruskin’s concluding workshop. She began to wander through the ship, past the library and the lounge where afternoon tea was being served, and as she made her way, Carmen thought of the adoration between Fran and Sid. Standing with Theo as they heard the good news about Sid’s diagnosis, she’d witnessed the profound outpouring of love and relief between the couple. Fran held onto Sid as if to shield him from anything further while Sid stroked Fran’s hair and kissed her forehead, gripping her tightly.

Carmen wondered how it must feel to be loved like that. To be wholly adored, cherished, and the centre of someone’s universe. As she left the room with Theo, she’d heard Sid say to Fran, ‘I love you, my darling, and I’m going to be okay.’

Exchanging glances with Theo, she saw that he had tears in his eyes. Carmen knew that he was feeling his own loss of Ruari, as he witnessed the unshakable bond between Sidand Fran. She felt a lump rise in her throat, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her, knowing she’d never find a love so deep.

As though embarrassed by his tears, Theo wiped at his eyes quickly, but Carmen didn’t look away. Instead, she wrapped her arm around him and pulled him into a hug. They began to walk in silence, and Sid’s words lingered in her mind.I’m going to be okay!Carmen wasn’t sure if she believed it yet – for Sid, for Theo and even for herself. But hearing the words made her want to try.

And that, she realised, was a start.

Reaching the door of Ruskin’s workshop, Carmen’s hand hovered over the handle, her fingers curling uncertainly. She could see the class through the glass panel – a sea of eager faces turning towards Ruskin as he prepared to begin. There was energy in the room, but for Carmen, it only made her feel like an outsider.

If she went in now, she knew she’d slip into a chair at the back, feeling small and insignificant. She’d spend the next two hours watching Ruskin, with his easy charm, dominating the room with a smile that promised brilliance. The same man who, hours earlier, had torn into her work and left her reeling.

Carmen was rooted to the spot. Ruskin was her hero. Wasn’t he? The author whose opinion mattered most. But at that moment, Carmen wasn’t so sure.

Her eyes studied his gestures, his confident smile, the flick of his wrist as he brushed a lock of hair from his forehead, and the way his mouth moved as he spoke. Thatwas the Ruskin everyone else saw. The one who made Carmen want to write better, to be better. But he was also the man who’d ignited a fire in her heart that no one else ever had. She wanted to melt into his arms, to lose herself in the tenderness of his kiss and longed for Ruskin to be the man in her dreams.

But she knew there was another side, the one she’d been on the receiving end of earlier. Yes, his feedback had great value, and every critical comment carried a lesson as he forced her to try harder. But he made Carmen feel like a child desperate for approval that never came.

How could she long for a man like that and crave his affection?

Carmen realised that her fantasies were pure fiction, and she’d spent too long believing he was her salvation, her muse and now… her love?

The stark reality was that the man could lift her up and tear her down in the same breath and she was only hurting herself. After his treatment of her that morning, she knew that she must let Ruskin go. Her thoughts churned as she watched him. Did she really want to put herself through this workshop when there was every chance his behaviour towards her would be unforgiving?

Laughter erupted from the room, and Carmen saw that everyone was already hooked on Ruskin’s every word.What am I doing?The urge to escape became overwhelming.

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