Page 72 of The Cruise Club

‘Ten minutes, Mr Delaney!’

Dicky slipped into his jacket. He knew he had to find the necklace because he didn’t want to stop working on cruise ships.

‘Let’s face it,’ Dicky said to his reflection, ‘I need the money.’

Taking a deep breath, he straightened his lapels, took one last look in the mirror and exited his room.

It was showtime!

In the Neptune Theatre, Melody Moon stood under a cascade of golden lights, her sequinned gown shimmering with every step she took. With the audience clapping to the beat of her song, Melody’s voice soared above the backing singers who moved in synchrony behind her. Dancers in feathered costumes and rhinestone-studded headwear executed perfect choreography as Melody strutted across the stage, blasting out the lyrics to Lady Gaga’s ‘Born This Way’.

Dicky stood at the side of the stage. He had to handit to Melody, she had the audience in her hand, and as he hummed along to the song, he thought, like the song lyrics, that it really didn’t matter who you were, whatever your orientation. If you believed in yourself, like Melody, you were ‘On the right track, baby’.

Melody’s performance was captivating, but when a spotlight shone on a grand piano and she gracefully took a seat, the charged atmosphere softened. Her fingers caressed the keyboard, and she began to sing Adele’s ballad, ‘Hello’, the emotion in her voice raw. Resonating with the poignant words which brought tears to the eyes of many, Dicky was in awe as he listened to a voice that could evoke such profound emotion.

For her finale, Melody invited the audience to their feet and began a medley, concluding with Queen’s ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’. The crowd clapped and swayed, then cheered as Melody hit the final show-stopping note, her arms outstretched as she bathed in the rapturous applause.

‘Bloody hell,’ Dicky said as he ran his perspiring hands along his suit jacket, ‘she’s stolen the show. How do I follow that?’

An audio technician adjusted the mic on Dicky’s lapel, and as a nervous Dicky mentally ran through his opening lines, his knees felt unsteady, as though the floor was shifting beneath him.

‘You’ve got this,’ he mumbled, trying to convince himself.

The stage manager gave Dicky a nod, and knowing that the spotlight was waiting, Dicky stepped into its glare.

As Melody moved towards him to leave the stage, Dicky grabbed her hand. ‘Let’s hear it again, everyone, a bigDiamond Starcheer for the one and only Melody Moon!’ He moved Melody forward. ‘Isn’t she amazing?’ Dicky called out and began to clap his hands.

Many in the audience took to their feet and Melody basked in the standing ovation. After several more minutes of whistles and cheers, she strutted off the stage, but as she passed Dicky, he was surprised to see the artist smile and mouth the words, ‘Thank you.’

Dicky turned to the audience who’d settled into their seats. ‘And now, you getme,’ he shrugged. ‘It must be like enjoying a five-star meal, then being offered a bag of chips.’ To the sound of laughter, he added, ‘If I sing “Hello”, you’ll all say, “Hello, Dicky, there’s the exit…”’

Dicky was settling into his rhythm, and after a few more jokes, he nodded to the band and the audience soon joined in with Dicky’s version of Barry Manilow’s ‘Copacabana’. As he strutted and danced across the stage, his eyes fell on a band of diamonds glinting brightly around the neck of his lady friend. Sitting in the front row, she ran her fingers over her jewellery and raised a heavily painted eyebrow.

Dicky moved away from the microphone, deciding that mid-act was not the time to address the mystery of his missing gold chain. With the song wrapping up, he thanked the band and began a repertoire of one-liners.

‘Do you like takeaways?’ he asked the audience with a sly grin. ‘The last time I phoned our local, I said, “Do you deliver?”’ Pausing just enough to build anticipation, he continued, ‘“No,” they told me, “we do lamb, chicken, and fish…”’

The room erupted in laughter, and Dicky let it settle before continuing. ‘I introduced my third wife to my mate,’he said, raising his eyebrows for effect. ‘Do you know what he said? “She wouldn’t have been my first choice either.”’

Not missing a beat, he placed a hand on his hip. ‘I wanted to put the magic back in our marriage, and it worked.She disappeared.’ The laughter rippled again. ‘We shared a house, my wife and me. She got the inside, and I got the outside.’

Dicky was in his stride, and the audience, who were age-appropriate for his jokes, lapped it up. Posturing with every punchline, his body language was amusing as he paused to pull the audience in with a knowing look.

‘We had a power cut in our road the other night,’ Dicky said, ‘but I knew it was all right when a bus went by with its lights on.’

His timing was impeccable, and with the audience hanging on his every word, as his act ended Dicky’s heart was racing with post-show adrenaline from his performance.

‘That’s it from me, folks!’ he called out, ‘Don’t forget that it’s Ibiza tomorrow. The party island! So, enjoy the sun and have a great day out, but remember that at our time of life, you’re only a party animal if the party includes a nap…’

Carmen was having a wonderful evening with Theo. They’d dined in the Terrace Restaurant and enjoyed a meal of tantalising Mediterranean flavours which blended through three delicious courses. Theo chatted about his life as a chef, his love of Ruari, and his TV shows.

Carmen was fascinated.

Theo enthralled her with tales of his travels while filmingMcCarthy’s Kitchen Adventures, including his time in America, where amongst many eclectic characters, he’d met a chef in Texas who was so obese that he used an electric hoist to lift him into his truck and his business partner, another chef, who was so thin he could barely lift a spoon.

‘It was a strange contrast,’ Theo explained, ‘they had an incredibly successful restaurant, but one couldn’t move without assistance, and the other appeared too fragile to chop vegetables. Both were brilliant chefs, and I learned much about their undeniable passion for food, which I hope came across in the programmes.’

‘You must have enjoyed travelling around the world?’ Carmen said, as she finished her dessert and sipped a delicious, honey-flavoured wine.

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