Page 83 of The Cruise Club

He scolded himself for staring and turned back to his drink. But when he looked up again, he caught her glance as she studied the room, and their eyes met before she quickly turned away. Draining the last of his whisky, he set the glass down. To his surprise, Ruskin was hesitant and, for a moment, wondered if she would stand up and leave the bar. The thought of never knowing if things could be different between them gnawed at him and, staring at his empty glass, Ruskin straightened his shirt cuffs, raised his fingers to straighten his hair and stood.

‘Hello, Ruskin,’ Theo said and stretched out a welcoming hand. ‘We’re having a nightcap. Why don’t you join us?’ Theo felt Carmen’s eyes bore into him, but he ignored her silent protest and indicated that Ruskin pull up a chair.

‘I don’t want to interrupt,’ Ruskin said, his eyes drawn to Carmen. She was wearing one of Venetia’s pendants. It was a sign!

‘Not at all,’ Theo said, ‘but as I’m suffering from acute indigestion and don’t want to end up in the infirmary like our friend Sid, I think I’ll call it a day and leave you two authors to chat, as I am sure you have a lot in common.’Theo reached for his limoncello and, with a courteous smile, walked away.

Carmen was flummoxed. She’d kill Theo when she next saw him! How could he leave her in the company of Ruskin, aware of her feelings and knowing damn well that Ruskin wasn’t footloose nor fancy-free? Her cheeks felt warm, and she couldn’t look at Ruskin as he ordered a drink and offered her another.

‘No, thank you,’ she snapped and reached for her glass. ‘I’ll finish this and then head off to my room, too. My mother will need me to assist her to bed and I need to think about things I want to do tomorrow…’

Carmen knew she was babbling, and Betty’s chances of needing Carmen’s help while she dined and danced the night away with Holden, were as likely as a snowstorm in Cartagena the next day. She could feel the awkwardness between them, and felt her stomach churn, like a washing machine on full spin.

‘Of course,’ Ruskin said softly, ‘but if you are going to be stuck with me for the few minutes it will take you to finish your drink, shall we make the best of it?’

Carmen looked up. Ruskin’s blue eyes were like magnets drawing her in, and for a moment, the memory of his harsh critique of her writing and of the blonde woman’s kiss as Ruskin sat in the plaza were forgotten. His rugged handsomeness was a drug, and as Theo had advised, she took a deep breath, trying to steady herself.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked.

‘N… nothing,’ Carmen mumbled. But as she tore her eyes away, she suddenly felt a stab of indignation.

Why shouldn’t she stand up for herself and tell this man how she felt?

The Carmen Cunningham who had silently shut up and put up for most of her life, had faded on this cruise, and a new Carmen had emerged. She had an impulsive burst of clarity that suddenly overcame her usual doubt and fear, and unsure of whether the alcohol she’d consumed during the evening was making her braver, without thinking about the consequences, Carmen began to speak.

‘Very well,’ Carmen said, ‘I’m confused.’

‘Confused?’ Ruskin frowned. ‘Why would you…’

‘Please,’ Carmen held up her hand, ‘let me say what I need to before I lose my courage and retreat into that frumpy woman you met in the early days of this cruise.’

Her words hung thickly between them, and when a server placed Ruskin’s drink on the table, he reached out and took a sip. ‘Of course, I’m sorry, do go on.’

‘I admire you massively; you are the reason I booked this holiday,’ Carmen said, her voice quieter than she’d intended. ‘I thought that by listening to your talks and attending a workshop, I would be inspired to finish my novel, my so-called work in progress.’ Her words felt clumsy, but she willed herself to go on. ‘When you offered to mentor me, it was as though a dream had come true, and I lapped up every second of the time you generously gave.’ Carmen paused. ‘But you berated my writing and pushed me so hard, I felt that I couldn’t continue with our sessions.’

‘I’m so sorry, that was the last thing I intended,’ Ruskin said, his voice soft with apology.

Carmen bit on her lip. How on earth could she tell Ruskinhow she really felt about him? She knew she was making a hash of the whole thing and was about to reveal too much. Clenching her fingers, Carmen decided that it would be best to make an excuse and leave.

Ruskin sensed that Carmen was about to bolt. ‘Would it help if I spoke for a moment?’ he asked.

‘Well, if you think…’

‘I can’t tell you how sorry I was that I was so rude to you. You must feel as though you were insignificant in my eyes when we first met, and for that, I apologise.’ Ruskin drew breath. ‘Knowing this, I also knew that you would consider me crass for only noticing you when you revamped your appearance.’

‘Yes… I did think that of you.’ Carmen looked confused.

‘The truth is that I think you are an incredibly talented author, and you don’t really need my help, but there is more.’ Ruskin paused and took another sip of his whisky. Looking at Carmen directly, he said, ‘I am divorced, and the whole process has been difficult. When I received the decree absolute, I told myself I wouldn’t get romantically involved and focus only on my work.’

Carmen was even more confused. She didn’t understand what Ruskin was saying. He’d just admitted something quite raw and personal, and all she could do was stare. Was he trying to compliment her or push her away?

‘It’s not just the way that you write that enchants me,’ Ruskin continued, his voice steady but filled with sincerity. ‘It’s your mind, the way you think, the kindness you show everyone around you. There’s something about your presence that draws me in.’ He paused, swallowing hisemotion before adding, ‘You see, I realised several days ago that I think I’m very attracted to you.’

Carmen’s breath caught in her throat. The world seemed to spin, the music in the bar fading into a distant hum. She tried to process Ruskin’s words but could only see the memory of the woman kissing him.

‘But… you are involved with someone else,’ Carmen stuttered. ‘I s… saw you kissing in the plaza, in Ibiza.’

Ruskin smiled and began to shake his head. ‘Oh, my dear girl, please don’t read anything into that. The woman was my ex-wife, Venetia, who has a habit of stalking me, but it won’t happen again.’ He sat back. ‘In fact, you are wearing one of her pendants, she sells them at several outlets in Ibiza.’

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