Page 44 of Captured Love

I run a hand through my hair, frustrated, but more at myself than at her. This whole thing is a mess, and it’s a mess I created. How do I even begin to untangle it?

“We had something good,” I say slowly, choosing each word carefully. “Something easy and fun between our text messages and conversations at parties. When it started to shift into something more, I panicked because I didn't expect it. Because I didn't expect things to feel so…intense.”

She raises an eyebrow, skepticism clear on her face. “Feel so intense? Knox, you were the one who said you don't do feelings.”

“I don’t,” I say quickly, then catch myself. “I mean, I didn't think I did. Fuck.”

I pause, taking a deep breath. This is harder than I thought it would be, and every second that ticks by feels like a countdown to an explosion I can't defuse.

“Look, I'm not good at this,” I confess. “At talking about what's going on in my head. But I'm trying, Selene. I'm really trying.”

She takes another sip of her sangria, her eyes never leaving mine. She's waiting for something, and I hope like hell I have whatever it is she needs to hear.

“When we started talking and hanging out, I liked you. A lot more than I planned to,” I continue. “But liking someone isn't the same as being with them. I thought I could keep it casual, keep it cool, but then, when we had sex... everything just rushed in all at once.”

“Rushed in?” she echoes, her tone softer but still guarded.

“Yeah,” I say, as I run a hand over my face. “The way you laughed at my stupid jokes, the way you looked at me when you thought I wasn't paying attention. The way you kissed me. It was all so much more than I bargained for.”

She sets her glass down gently, and for a moment I think she might reach across the table, but her hands rest in her lap instead.

“So you freaked out because you started to care,” she says, more as a statement than a question.

I nod slowly. “Yeah. And because caring means risking something. Means putting myself out there in a way I'm not used to. And the last time I did that, I got hurt.”

“By Tessa.”

I’m taken aback by her matter-of-fact statement. “How do you know about her?”

This time Selene rolls her eyes. “Long story short, she warned me about sleeping with you because she wants to get back together.”

Tessa wants to get back together? And she's been talking to Selene?

“She what? That’s probably why she was texting me a few weeks ago…” My voice trails off.

Selene waves me off. “I don’t want to know about your conversation.”

“There wasn’t one. I didn’t reply to her because I’m not interested.”

“Fascinating,” she says as she turns to look at the woman who was standing behind the bar who has now brought over a selection of cheeses, fruits, and crackers.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?”

I wonder if she can sense the tension between Selene and me. Selene looks at me, then at the bartender. “Can we have onemore minute?” she asks, and the woman nods, walking away with a curious glance over her shoulder.

We sit in a silent standoff, each of us deciding what we want to eat. Once we place our orders, Selene folds her hands on the table, and the way she’s looking at me, I swear she’s staring through my soul.

“So,” she says slowly, “you didn’t reply to her because you’re not interested. But if you had replied, what would you have said?”

I lean back in my chair, crossing my arms. “I would've told her exactly that. That I'm not interested, that it's over and has been over for years now.”

She studies me, her eyes narrowing as if she's trying to read the fine print of a contract. “You could've just blocked her number.”

“Maybe I should have,” I admit. “But I didn't because... I don't know. Maybe because some part of me wanted closure? Or maybe because I'm an idiot who likes to keep his options open, even when he knows he's not going to take them.”

Her expression shifts subtly, a flicker of something I can't quite place. “At least you're honest about being an idiot.”

“I’m trying to be honest about everything.”

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