Page 45 of Captured Love

For a moment, it seems like we might have reached an understanding, but that only lasts long enough for Selene to finish the cheese and fruit she was eating. But just as quickly, that thought flees my mind when she tilts her head.

“So what does all of this mean? Are you ‘trying to come clean’ because you want me to be some option you're keeping open?”

“Selene, it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like?” she demands. “Because from where I'm sitting, it looks a lot like you’re playing the same game with me that you did with Tessa. Keeping me in some kind of holding pattern until you figure your shit out.”

“I’m not playing a game,” I say, more forcefully than I intend. “I’m just trying to be real with you.”

“Real?” She lets out a bitter laugh. “The reality is, Knox, I don’t think you even know what you want.”

She’s right, of course. That’s the shitty part. I thought I had everything figured out: my life, my friends, the girls I hooked up with. It was all simple and straightforward. Predictable. Now, with Selene, everything is murky and complicated, and I’m floundering.

I unclench my fists and take another deep breath. “You’re right,” I say, the words heavy on my tongue. “I don’t know what I want. But I do know that I want to figure it out. That I want to figureusout.”

She crosses her arms as she regards me. “But there isn’t anus. Why should I wait around while you ‘figure it out’? Why not just cut your losses and leave me alone?”

“Because I think we could have something real,” I say. “Something more than just easy and fun. Something worth the risk.”

Selene’s eyes soften, but only for a fraction of a second. She's built a wall around herself, one that I'm all too familiar with because it's the same kind of wall I've spent years hiding behind.

“I liked you, Knox,” she says, and the past tense stings more than I want to admit. “I liked you a lot and respected the fact that you wanted to keep things casual. But you hurt me. You can't just come in here and expect to say a few nice things and make it all better.”

“I don’t expect that,” I say quickly. “I know it’s not that simple. I just… I just want a chance to show you that I know what I did was wrong, and hopefully you’ll give me another chance.”

“I don't know, Knox,” she says. “A chance is asking a lot.”

“I know. But it's all I'm asking for. Just a chance.”

She closes her eyes and sighs. “Fine, but I’m not giving you a chance in the way you think I am.”

“I'm listening,” I say cautiously.

Selene crosses her arms but keeps her hands on the table. “You said you want to figure us out. That you think we could have something real. If that's true, then you need to understand who I am and what I want.”

“I’m willing to?—”

“Knox,” she interrupts, “this isn’t about you just sitting here and nodding along. This is about you actually getting it.”

“Okay. Please continue.”

“Here’s the thing,” she continues. “I’m not looking for some grand love affair that's going to sweep me off my feet and change my life overnight. I’m not even looking for a relationship right now. What I want is stability. Consistency. Something that I can count on, whether it's with a friend or?—”

“A lover,” I finish for her.

She nods. “Yeah. Someone who isn't going to freak out and disappear when things get too real or too complicated.”

“I can be that person,” I say without a second thought.

“You say that now,” Selene replies, her voice tinged with skepticism. “But can you really? Can you be steady and constant when everything about you screams volatility?”

I pause, considering her words. The bad boy persona I've cultivated over the years has become a second skin, but underneath it, I'm just as uncertain and vulnerable as anyone else. Maybe more so.

“I can try,” I say finally. “And if trying isn't enough, then I'll keep trying until it is.”

“Fine. Let’s see how this goes.”

It feels like I won the battle, but the war is far from over. Our meals arrive along with the receipt, and for a moment, the tension is gone. Selene picks at her salad, and I cut into mysteak with more force than necessary, but things feel peaceful. Hopefully, this is the start of something better between the two of us.

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