Page 22 of Guarded Love

"Willow."

"What? It's a valid perspective!"

Ari gives me her patented "I'm not buying your bullshit" look. "Kate wants a feature on their impact on campus, not your personal vendetta against jocks."

"It's not a vendetta," I argue, though my voice lacks conviction. "It's critical journalism."

"Uh-huh. And I'm sure your ex and a certain awkward kiss have nothing to do with your objectivity."

My cheeks heat up again. "Low blow, Lennon. Low fucking blow. Plus if I was really on one, I would talk about toxic masculinity in the gaming world. Starring Leo Kent."

Ari winces. "Sorry. That was unfair."

I shrug, trying to appear unbothered even though everything within me wishes we could avoid this topic. "Whatever. It's fine."

"No, it's not." She reaches across the desk and squeezes my hand. "I shouldn't have brought him up."

"Leo Kent is old news. Ancient history."

And that’s where he is going to fucking stay if it’s the last thing I do.

6

BLAISE

Iplan my days down to the half-hour because it keeps everything from unraveling. Well, more so it keeps me from having a small meltdown if I’m being honest. At least right now I've got a full schedule keeping me steady. Steady is a strong word. More like helping me not to spiral.

Monday through Saturday mapped out on my calendar with color-coordinated blocks. Blue is for classes, green for practice, yellow for study sessions, purple for team meetings, and red and gray for games depending on if they are home or away. Even showers and meals get their designated slots. Sunday's the only day that stays relatively blank.

I’m surprised I haven’t put in a block for playing video games. Maybe that isn’t such a bad idea.

My eyes land back on the blocked-out days in January marked with “Puerto Rico Trip,” in yellow. Bright enough to stand out, but not loud enough to bother me. I’ve already triple-checked the flight info, made a packing list, and added the emergency contact form to a folder on my laptop. The trip isn’t for a few more weeks, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared early. All I needed to do was get through these last three weeks of schooland the holidays and I’d be all set to enjoy weather that is much nicer than what Virginia is currently giving us.

Well coursework would be getting done too because this is a short study abroad trip for a credit, but nonetheless it should be a good time.

In theory.

And by that I mean where everything goes according to plan, no one throws up on the flight, and the Wi-Fi holds steady for the entire trip.

I scroll past the trip block and glance at tomorrow’s schedule. Group project meeting at 7:15. Practice ends at 6:30, which gives me just enough time to eat, shower, and triple-check the slides for said group’s presentation.

Not too bad of a day.

Professor Wallace’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “Also, if anyone knows someone who might be interested in joining the trip, we’ve got a few open spots. A few people dropped out last minute.”

I don’t react, just nod like everyone else in the room, because I’m not sure I know anyone who could make this trip last minute. Some of the other students drop names of people who might be interested, but I’m drawing a blank on my end.

Three open spots.

I write it down in the margin of the itinerary printout like I might need to remember later. I won’t. But sometimes writing things down keeps my thoughts from looping.

Professor Wallace taps her keyboard once, and the projector screen flickers to the next slide:Packing Guidelines and Safety Protocols.She adjusts her reading glasses, then glances around the room.

“No more than one checked bag,” she says, pointing to the slide behind her, “and keep in mind the humidity. Lightweight, breathable clothing. And if you burn easily, pack accordingly.The sun doesn’t care if you didn’tmeanto fall asleep on the beach.”

A few people chuckle. I underline the line about driver’s licenses and/or passport copies in my notes.

She clicks again. “Room assignments will be emailed out next week once we finalize housing. You’ll be paired with someone in the group unless you’ve submitted a roommate request.”

---