Page 95 of Guarded Love

"You don't have to worry about that anymore." I sit beside her, close enough that our thighs touch. "He's not going to be there."

She turns to look at me, and there are actual tears in her eyes. Happy tears, but tears, nonetheless. "This changes everything. I was dreading going back. Dreading the possibility of running into him on campus or hockey games." She stops, shaking her head. "Hell, I've been carrying this anxiety for weeks."

I reach over and take her hand, threading our fingers together. "You don't have to carry it anymore. And I didn’t know you were thinking about going to more games.”

"I was just starting to get back into the swing of going again, now there’s whatever is going on with us,” she admits quietly."But I can use being there to see Knox to see both of you. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until recently.”

"Good," I say as I gently squeeze her hand. "I want you there. Both for Knox and..." I pause, meeting her eyes. "For me."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I’ve noticed that when you’re around me in general, I’m calmer."

"You're calmer when I'm around?" she asks softly.

"Yeah. I know it doesn't make sense, given our history, but?—"

"It does make sense." She shifts closer to me on the bed. "You make me feel grounded too. Like I can just...be myself without having to perform or prove anything."

The honesty in her voice makes me think things I shouldn’t be thinking. This is dangerous territory we're entering and I’m not sure how to pivot.

"Willow—"

"I know." She stands up, smoothing down her dress. "I really do need to go."

“Yeah you do.”

Willow grabs her bag, and I feel the loss as she lets go of my hand. A second later, the distance is even wider between us.

Before I can say anything to pull her back, she takes another step toward the door. She doesn’t look back as she moves, but I can see the shift in her shoulders. Moving away feels harder than staying here with me.

“Wills," I say and her hesitation tells me all I need to know. “Let me walk you back.”

She pauses at my words with her hand already on the door handle. "That's sweet, but it's probably better if we're not seen together this early. Just in case."

"Right." I run a hand through my hair. "Smart thinking."

But neither of us moves. She's standing there with her back to me, and I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, both ofus pretending this is just a casual goodbye when it feels like anything but.

"I'll see you at breakfast," she says without turning around.

"Yeah. Breakfast."

She finally turns the handle, opening the door just a crack, but then she stops. Her shoulders rise and fall with a deep breath before she turns back to face me.

"Fuck it," she whispers, and then she's crossing the room in three quick steps.

I stand just as she reaches me, and then her hands are in my hair and her mouth is on mine. When we finally take a breath she says, "I don't want to go."

"Then don't," I say, even though I know she has to.

"Madison will worry. And if I don't show up, she'll come looking."

"I know." I kiss her again, softer this time. "I know you have to go."

But my hands are on her waist, holding her close, and she's not pulling away. We both know what’s on the other side of all this if she walks out of that door. Confusion about what this all means and where it leads are at the top of the list.

"Okay," she says, resting her forehead against mine. "Okay, I'm really going now."

---