Page 60 of Written By a Woman

“I told you,” Zaid shook his head once as the next episode started playing. The theme song would surely be stuck in my head for a while. “I’m just grateful that my sister has a kid now,” Zaid lifted a shoulder, “So I can at least try to justify the chokehold this show has on me.”

I laid my head back on the couch and laughed, smothering the sound with my hand again so I didn’t wake up little Zeki. I heard Zaid rumble his laughter next to me on the couch before we both settled into silence, giving this Australian cartoon our undivided attention.

Until I asked Zaid a question that popped into my mind, “Do you want kids?”

Zaid’s dark eyes darted to me quickly, and I immediately lifted my hands up defensively, “I know it’s a personal question,” I added, “But I’m not going to lie to you, you’re giving off a lot of strong dad energy tonight.”

“Strong dad energy?” Zaid asked.

“Yeah,” I nodded, “Like a man who has baby fever.”

I could see the tips of his ears redden, and I desperately wanted to know why, “I wouldn’t call it ‘baby fever’ exactly.” Zaid shrugged a shoulder before rubbing his hand on the back of his neck, “I always liked the idea of kids, though.”

“Huh,” I nodded my head toward him, “I can see that for you.”

We sat in comfortable silence again for a few moments, and it wasn’t until I laughed at another one-liner delivered by Bluey’s parents that Zaid spoke up again, “What about you?”

I knew what he was asking, so I took a moment to think about my answer, “I mean, I’m not going out of my way to watch kids’ shows,” I gave him a pointed look and he narrowed his eyes at me, before smiling, “But I’m not against them.”

“Not against them,” Zaid replied with a nod of his head.

“It’s just,” I chewed on the inside of my cheek, wondering how best to explain my complex feelings about it, “I feel like too often women who have baby fever focus on the baby fever part, and spend less time considering if their partner is someone who should be a parent. But the thing is, I don’t believe everyone should be a parent,” I could feel Zaid’s eyes on the side of my face, but I continued, “I can find someone I love, someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, while also understanding that that person may not ever want kids. Or, that they possibly shouldn’t have kids depending on their specific circumstances. So, while I think that it’s fun to romanticize the idea of having kids now and then, I’m not making it a goal I want to check off quite yet. I want to find out who my forever partner is, first. If that person ends up being someone who also wants kids, then I’ll consider the option more seriously.”

There was a silence hanging between us after I finished my ramblings, and I glanced over at Zaid to see him studying me with a thoughtful expression.

“That’s very…mindful,” the corner of his lips tipped up, “So, eventually, you’d like to settle down with someone?”

“Sure,” I lifted my shoulder, “But I don’t think that’s a box I’m trying to check immediately either. I know that I don’t need anyone else to complete me. I’m already whole and fulfilled as is. That being said, if I stumble upon someone who I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, I won’t fight it either.”

Zaid was silent again, so I raised my eyebrows at him before adding, “Sorry, that was a lot of rambling.”

“Don’t apologize,” Zaid smiled, “I was just wondering if you could have a word with my mother. Her entire focus lately has been finding me a wife.”

“Didn’t Nikhil say something about that?” I tilted my head to the side as I remembered the conversation in front of my desk, “Is it hard? Having your mom on your ass like that?”

Zaid huffed a laugh before lifting his hand, splaying his fingers, and tilting his hand side to side, “Yes and no. On the one hand, it is something I want because I do think I would be happy with a partner. I’m just not thrilled at how involved my mother wants to be in the process.”

“Ah,” I adjusted my seat on the couch, my cheeks heating a little bit at the thought of Zaid finding a person he loves, and being excited about starting a life with them, “Can’t relate. My mom doesn’t care if I’m in a relationship or not. She just wants me happy, however that looks.”

“Must be nice,” Zaid released a heavy sigh with the words as he focused back on the cartoon dogs on the TV screen. I gave myself a few more moments to admire Zaid. Seeing him casually sprawled out on the couch, happily watching a children’s cartoon was doing things to me. I was serious when I informed Zaid of my stance on kids and romantic relationships, but I also couldn’t deny the flutter my heart made throughout our conversation.

How I discovered that this introverted, work-focused man longed for a family of some kind.

Sure, he said that he liked “the idea” of kids but show me one grown man who enjoys children’s cartoons like this. Who happily babysits his nephew after what I assumed was a long day at work? I had a feeling that whoever Zaid ended up with, they were going to have the most loving man in the world fawning over them.

Inside of me, a little green monster of jealousy growled at the thought.

But…I was the one sitting on his sister’s couch watching cartoons with him.

I was the one at work he was becoming more and more friendly with.

Perhaps Mary was onto something a few weeks ago when I told her about the book, perhaps something was happening between the two of us. Something that we both weren’t ready to acknowledge quite yet.

ChapterThirteen

SIGNE

If this guyreferred to me as “kid” one more time, I was going to throw up in my mouth.

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