Page 76 of Written By a Woman

Zaid and I weren’t lovers.

As far as I knew, he didn’t view me with romantic interest in the slightest. He was just such a nice, down-to-earth guy. He was a man that women could feel safe around.

And then there was me, someone he might not feel safe lounging next to in that chair, if he knew what I was doing. How often I objectified him.

I thought I was going to be sick.

I stood up from my chair suddenly, the urge to run away and escape making my muscles tense.

“Signe?” Zaid asked, standing up from his chair and trying to meet my eyes, “Are you alright?”

I huffed a laugh of disbelief, rubbing my palms on my cheeks as I stepped away and paced around the room a little bit.

I wanted him.

I wanted Zaidsobadly.

It was too easy to fantasize about what it would be like to have him, even though he wouldn’t want me at all if he knew what I did.

This was so inappropriate.

I have to tell him.

“Signe?”

“I’m—I’m okay.” I waved my hand in the direction I left him, still walking back and forth, shaking my hands out as if I could wiggle the anxiety out of my body.

God, what was I even doing?

I have to tell him.

“Signe, Signe stop,” Zaid stepped forward and grabbed both of my forearms with his large warm hands, crouching just enough to force me to meet his eyes, “What is going on? Are you alright? Can I help?”

His thumbs started mindlessly tracing circles on my skin where he held me, and I felt myself shiver at the contact.

I tried to pull away, shaking my head once as I tried to avoid his eyes, but he didn’t let me go. He wouldn’t let me escape.

“I’m just freaking out a little bit,” I admitted, looking everywhere but him. I had to tell him. I couldn’t look at him and tell him at the same time.

“What is it? Are you having a panic attack?” His eyes scanned the entirety of my body, because my feet were shifting as if desperate to run away.

“No,” I thought about it some more, “Well, maybe. I don’t know.” I caught a whiff of his scent, and I wanted to lean into his body. I wanted to run my mouth over his neck, his shoulders, his jaw. I wanted to feel his beard under my lips, find the soft pillows of his own.

“How can I—”

“I need—I need to tell you—oh god,” I was pretty sure I was wheezing, it seemed very difficult to breathe.

“What?” His dark brows furrowed with a shake of his head, “Breathe, just breathe. You’re safe.”

“I—I need to—” I was watching his mouth as he frowned, my body screaming at me tokiss him,tell him,kiss him.

“I’m here. How can I help?” Zaid looked so genuinely concerned for me, my heart melted. I glanced down at his hold on my arms, how he tugged me a little closer to his body when he saw where my eyes landed.

I looked back up into the dark depths of his eyes and realized how quickly my control was leaving with every moment that passed.

His body was so close to mine, his spicy cologne once again invading my senses and scrambling my brain. It was difficult to think rationally.

“Signe?” Zaid asked, stepping closer into my space, and placing a gentle hand on my forehead as if to check my temperature.

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