Page 92 of Written By a Woman

“What you’re thinking.”

It was silent again, so I folded my arms and lifted my eyes to stare at him. He was studying me, his dark eyes wide and hiding nothing. And yet, even though he wasn’t trying to hide any emotion, my nerves still kept me from reading him accurately.

“I think that it doesn’t matter to me what your sexual history is,” Zaid lifted his shoulder again, and I wanted to smack it down.

“At all?” I asked, “Even though you don’t…” I waved a hand vaguely in the air.

“I don’t what?”

“Fuck around?” I blurted out, feeling the heat stain my cheeks as I slammed my mouth closed.

Something flickered behind Zaid’s gaze, and as I watched him stand from his bed to step into my space, lifting his hands to uncross my arms, I thought my heart was going to jump out of my throat.

“I don’t fuck around, no,” Zaid murmured, keeping hold of my wrists as he brushed his thumbs gently against my pulse. The touch sent a shiver down my spine, “I used to, but not anymore.”

Well, that answered my ridiculous question about his virginity.

I didn’t even believe in the social construct of virginity, so why I wanted to know how experienced Zaid was made me hate myself a little bit.

“Are you waiting to settle down?” I asked, staring at the collar of his shirt, the slutty little wide-neck t-shirt he wore that showed off his clavicle.

“Yes,” Zaid nodded once, making something flip in my stomach at his words. I immediately remembered our conversation on his sister’s couch all that time ago. Watching that children’s show with the Australian dog family I had watched more episodes of on my own.

“So, like,” I rolled my eyes as a small smile twitched on my lips, “When you invited me over to your apartment to watch a movie…?”

Zaid’s lips twitched a little bit in return, “I invited you tojustwatch a movie. No other expectations.”

“Even though I’d be a very willing participant?” I whispered. I knew it was wrong to entertain sleeping with him right now, considering the big fat secret I was keeping from him. But I was only human.

I must have been very inside my own head, because suddenly I felt Zaid’s warm fingers skim over my jaw so he could cup my face in his palm, tilting my head to look up at him. I thought he was going to say something, the way his lips parted, and his eyes darted between both of mine. But then he shook his head once before lowering his lips to mine.

The kiss was gentle and sweet.

Heartwarming.

And all the other words I could also use to describe Zaid.

He brushed his warm, soft lips over mine once more before pulling away, just enough for him to rest his forehead against mine, “I’d like to wait, Signe.”

I felt my breath release from my lungs, a myriad of emotions coursing through my body. The first emotion, though I tried to dismiss it as quickly as it came, was rejection. How Zaid wasn’t trying to seduce me tonight and would reject me if I tried to seduce him instead. The other emotions were fairer to him, I thought. Admiration for Zaid not jumping into bed as soon as a woman expressed interest in him. For upholding his own boundaries. To not feel pressured to jump into this goofy-ass Captain America-themed bedding and go to pound town.

“Until you’re married?” I ended up asking for clarification, my voice barely audible because it took so much effort to calm my voice into something he wouldn’t feel offended by.

In response to my question, Zaid chuckled, and I felt that deep sound of his all the way to the tips of my toes.

“No,” Zaid whispered back, matching my low voice, almost like he was giving our talk reverence, “Just until things aren’t casual.”

I lifted my head up to look at him better, forcing Zaid to lift his forehead off of mine, “When do you decide things aren’t casual?”

Zaid pressed his lips together, the only sign of nerves I could see on him, “When you and I chat and decide that not only are we exclusive, but we’re also endgame.”

“You did not just make an Avenger’s reference right now,” I giggled my question at him, making his lips pull into a grin.

“I didn’t mean to, I promise,” He pressed his lips against my forehead, his mouth lingering for a moment before looking down at me, “I’m not waiting for marriage, I’m waiting for someone who wants to be just as committed to me as I want to be committed to them. I can casually date you without sleeping with you.”

I stared up at him, a pang of hurt stabbing my chest, “So…” I ended up closing my mouth and looking down at the ground. I let my wrists fall out of his hand, having momentarily forgotten he was holding me like that.

“Signe,” Zaid’s voice fell over my shoulder, both of his hands cupping my face now to get me to focus back on him, “What did I say?” His eyes looked so concerned, having immediately picked up on the shift in me.

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