Page 54 of Pucked Up

THIRTEEN

BODEN

Okay,yeah. There were regrets.

I didn’t lose my job, but it was a near thing. The fact that it didn’t put the fear of God into me the way I expected meant something, but I filed that away with the giant pile of shit I wasn’t in the mood to deal with. But it turns out that not calling in and not showing up to department meetings and student appointments was a big deal.

So was ignoring phone calls.

My friends gave me exactly twenty-nine hours before they showed up at my front door to find out what the fuck was wrong with me. I was rotting, stretched out lengthwise on the couch with my hearing aids off, when I saw a flash of light from near the front door, and I realized it had been opened.

I heard it when it slammed shut.

Ford was the first to appear, looking exhausted with his hair messier than it normally was. Hischeeks were splotchy, and he was walking with his cane, which was unusual.

Tucker was next. He looked a bit more put together, if not just as exhausted as Ford. He was in his wheelchair with his legs off. Both of them looked like their childhood puppies had been brutally murdered.

“Who died?” I asked.

Ford looked like he wanted to punch me. He stalked forward until he was within touching distance, then slammed his hands on the arm of the couch behind my head. “We thought you did, asshole!” It was easy to hear that when he damn near shouted it against my ear. I started to roll my eyes because obviously I wasn’t dead, but Ford grabbed my chin. He looked so much angrier than he ever had. “Do not roll your eyes at me.”

“Hey. Don’t…we can…breathe.” Tucker was too far away for me to make out most of what he was saying, but he rolled closer, and then my hearing aid case hit me in the center of the chest. I glanced over at him as best I could while Ford was still holding my face. He gestured at me to put them on.

“Fine. Let me go?” I looked Ford right in the eyes, and it took him a good fifteen seconds for him to let go and lean back.

I hadn’t worn them in a while, so putting that much more access to sound in my head made my temples throb. I listened for the soft pings as they came online, then the annoying whooshing sound of being able to hear air moving in the room.

And then I could make out the sound of Ford’s heavy breathing, and I realized he was actually upset. “Ford. Hey, listen?—”

He shook his head as he shoved away from me and collapsed on the single empty cushion my feet couldn’t reach. “What the fuck is wrong with you? We have been calling and texting.”

I’d been ignoring every buzz of my phone as I wallowed. I thought the pain of knowing I’d hurt Hugo was bad. This? My friends? The only people who had ever loved me the way family should?

That made me a real bastard.

“I’m sorry.”

Tucker sighed as he wheeled up close to where I was lying and offered me a hand up. I got my feet situated on the edge of the coffee table, and then he cleared his throat. “The college called. Some guy named Rick or Dick or…whatever. I don’t remember. He called Ford first, then me. He sounded worried.”

I bowed my head. The shame was…a lot.

“Tuck wouldn’t let me drive over here and check on you.” Ford’s voice was trembling now. “He said you were fine, but all I could think about was maybe you had a freaking seizure and hit your head, or…”

I glanced up at him. “I haven’t had a seizure in years.”

“You know that’s not the fucking point,” Ford snapped.

I did. “I really am sorry. I just…I don’t know. I needed a moment.”

“I figured,” Tucker said. He shifted restlessly inhis chair. “And I wish you’d tell us what was going on because things are getting weirder. I thought since you and Hugo had some kind of truce, but?—”

At the sound of Hugo’s name, I flinched. I hadn’t meant to, but I had no idea how he was doing either, and my mind was in full disaster mode. It was absurd to think that I had any kind of emotional power over him, of course, but the thought that I could was too much to handle.

“Seriously? Bodie, I love you so fucking much, but you need to get over your anger at him just because he’s not disabled and?—”

“We fucked,” I blurted.

Tucker’s words died in the space between us. He swallowed. Blinked. Glanced over at Ford, who looked a little stunned. Then he finally looked back at me and stared hard like he was the one who wasn’t sure he could hear properly.

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