Page 69 of Pucked Up

His eyes shot up to mine. “Hugo?—”

“I’m sorry, mon petit feu. I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s true. I saw you sitting in that conference room, and I realized how badly I’d fucked up. It was only easy to walk away from you that first night because I thought I wasn’t going to see youagain.” I bowed my head, then looked up at him so he could see my lips. “Except two weeks later, there you were. And then you were there all the time, and you hated me, and that should have made it easier to shut all those feelings down, but it didn’t.”

Boden’s cheeks were pink, and his hands were still trembling as he handed me the phone back. “So, are your parents really?—”

“Also disabled, yeah. My dad’s a little person, and my mom’s got spina bifida. They’re both wheelchair users. I know how it looks. I swear it’s not a fetish, and if you need me to…”

“No. No,” Boden said. “I get it. With Reid, it was a freak accident.”

I nodded. “I took care of my parents a lot as I got older. Reid thought I’d resent him for having to step into that role with him.”

“Did you?”

I laughed. “No. It just felt…I don’t know. He was my best friend and my husband. What else was I going to do?”

I knew the answer to my own question only because I’d asked myself thousands of times. I could have left him. I could have abandoned the marriage, and he probably wouldn’t have even blamed me for it. I could have given in to my own trauma of losing the life we had and let that part of it define me.

But I would have never forgiven myself, and right now, I was grateful for that because I wanted to be a man worthy of someone like Boden. Even if he’d never want me back.

“You like me,” Boden said.

“I do.”

“In spite of, well, everything.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “In spite of it. Because of it. I’m not really sure, mon petit feu. The lines between those two things are very blurred.”

“Fuck,” he breathed out, then dropped his face into his hands. “Fuck. Marde! Crisse de câlisse de tabarnak!”

“Boden—”

“Shitting shit fuck fuckity fucker,” he said, looking up at me. He was crushed. I’d ruined it by telling him the truth. But, at the very least, I was unburdened.

“You won’t be with the Wolves for long,” I said once his breathing returned to normal. “I have scouts coming for the last few games, and I already have three offers for you. You’ll be getting them in emails soon.”

He made a soft choking nose, his expression stunned. “Offers?” His voice was ragged as hell. “When were you going to tell me?”

“I spoke to a few GMs over the last two weeks,” I confessed. “I was going to tell you when I got back, but…well. Here you are.”

“Oh God,” he whispered. “Who?”

I braced myself. “Portland.” He nodded. “Orlando.” He nodded again. “And Boston.” With that last one, his face brightened like I knew it would. “The GM for Boston is here this weekend. His name is Vincent, and you’ll probably be getting an email fromhim so he can woo you over a nice lunch.” I cleared my throat and tried not to feel like I was handing Boden the keys to leave me forever. “Take your time with them. Talk to your father. I know he’s a piece-of-shit dad, but he knows hockey.”

Boden blinked like he’d been slapped. “He’s not a piece-of-shit dad.”

I stared, my face blank.

“Fine, he’s a piece-of-shit dad, but he’s the only one I have.”

“I understand.” I mean, I didn’t. My dad was amazing and had never let me go a day without telling me I was loved. But I knew not everyone had that. “Take whatever help you need, Boden. You deserve this.”

Boden’s jaw tightened, then relaxed. “Did you do this because you want to date me, Hugo?”

“No.” There was no point in lying now. “I did this because you deserved to have this a long time ago. But,” I added when he started to relax, “I do want to date you. I’m done lying about my feelings. It is what it is, but I understand that you don’t feel that way, and I swear I won’t make it hard for you.”

He stared for another few breaths. “I think you should go.”

And that was the sound of my heart cracking in half. It was easy to do. The scars where Reid’s death had shattered it were only just healed.

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