Page 5 of Icing on the Cake

I guess he didn’t realize that it’s not only my dick that needs the extra room. Hockey butt is a real thing, and I’ve got it in spades. Years of skating and squatting have left me with glutes that could crush a man’s skull.

I also have hands the size of bear paws and feet that can give Bigfoot a run for his money. I’ve had to be sponsored by some major companies to get skates that fit, and finding gloves that don’t cut off the circulation in my fingers is a constant struggle.

Sometimes, I think the universe saw God creating me and thought, “You know what? Let’s make this kid the biggest, most awkward human possible. That’ll be hilarious.”

And hilarious it is—at least to everyone else.

Despite everything, I’ve learned how to use my largeness to my advantage. My long reach helps me scoop pucks from the other teams, my long legs and big feet help me get from one end of the rink to the other before anyone can even blink, and my massive frame keeps the other team from stealing the puck back.

But I digress. Talking about my God-given talents won’t save me from Coach’s wrath if I show up at the game tonight empty-handed.

I shoot Oliver a glare that probably comes off as menacing as a puppy’s scowl. “I’m talking about myhockeystick, you jerk.”

“Hmm.” He rubs his jaw thoughtfully. “ You had it with you at the burger joint. Did you still have it when you left the library?”

“The library?”

“Yeah…you said you needed to get a book for class.”

I jump to my feet. “Holy snickers! You’re right!”

Books and me? We go together about as well as peanut butter and pickles. Given the choice between lacing up my skates or staring at words on a page, I’ll always choose the first option. So, forgive me for forgetting where I went after practice.

I rush to the far side of the room, tossing junk over my shoulder until I find what I’m searching for. A beat-up copy ofItby Stephen King that I triumphantly hold over my head.

Oliver feasts his eyes on the super-long novel. “I’ve always wanted to read that book.” He walks over to me and takes it from my hands. I’m not surprised when he opens it and reads the first chapter. The dude’s a secret nerd. A few minutes go by before he hands the book back to me. “You should check the library’s lost and found. Maybe someone turned it in.”

“The library has a lost and found?”

“Dude, every place has a lost and found. You wouldn’t believe how many room keys get left behind at The Brew.”

Ah, The Brew. Oliver’s employer and BSU’s version of Central Perk.It’sthehangout spot on campus where students can relax before, between, and after classes.

“Alright. First stop, The Brew.” Before I can walk out, Oliver stops me with a hand around my wrist.

“Uh…Gerard?” His eyes dart down my body, and I follow his gaze.

Yikes! I’m still naked.I can only imagine the call my parents would’ve gotten from the dean had it not been for Oliver’s quick thinking. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Gunnarson. This is the dean at BSU. Your son was arrested for public indecency.”

I chuckle nervously, blushing from head to toe. “Right. Clothes. Probably a good idea before I go out in public, huh?”

Oliver snickers. “You think? I know you’re proud of whatyou’ve got, G, but I doubt the librarians would appreciate the view as much as the puck bunnies.”

I groan and cover my face with my hands. “Please, not the puck bunnies right now. I’m mortified enough.”

“Hey, I’m only trying to help. We both know Coach will rip your dong right off if you end up in the slammer before the big game. And then I’ll have to call you ‘Dickless Gerard.’”

“Ha ha, you’re hilarious.” My eyes narrow. “You’re also enjoying this way too much.”

Oliver raises his hands in a “what can you do” gesture and grins. “It’s not every day I get to see Gunnarson the Great flustered.”

I flip him off and scan the room for something clean to put on.“Keep it up, Jacoby, and I’ll leave a giant turd in the toilet before your turn in the bathroom.”

He laughs and heads for the door. “Alright, alright, I’ll let you be.Just remember that wearing only a jockstrap is still considered indecent.”

“Out!” I chuck a balled-up sock at his head that he easily dodges as he slips out of the room.

By the time the sun has fully risen, I’ve finally gotten myself dressed in pink socks, semi-clean shorts, and a BSU sweatshirt that barely passes the sniff test.Take that, Oliver.

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