Page 33 of Welcome to the Cornish Country Hospital

For a moment, Connie couldn’t understand the bewilderment on Richard’s face, but then she remembered that when she’d written the letter, she hadn’t met their son. So she’d referred to him as Saul.

‘Sorry, when I wrote you the letter I didn’t know the name his adoptive parents had given him, so I put the only name I’d ever known him by.’

‘I still don’t understand what you mean. You had a baby you gave up for adoption?’ Richard furrowed his brow, shaking his head again. ‘I haven’t read the letter yet. When they gave me back my things, it was missing. One of the nurses said they’ve been looking for it everywhere, but that it might have been thrown away by mistake.’

‘You haven’t read the letter?’ Connie felt as if icy fingers were closing around her neck. He didn’t know about Charlie, which meant he had no idea what she’d done.

‘When did you have the baby – when you were younger? Is that why you didn’t want to be with me, in case I didn’t understand?’ Richard took hold of her hand again. ‘It doesn’t matter to me, and it wouldn’t have changed how I felt. Having a baby when you’re not ready for it isn’t just hard on the parents, it’s hard on the child too and it sounds like you did the right thing by him. I can’t believe you were carrying all of that burden when we met and kept it to yourself. I wish I could have helped.’

‘I was thirty-one when he was born.’ Connie’s voice sounded robotic, even to her own ears. It was like she was having an out of body experience and watching herself from above.

‘But that was after we met. You’d turned thirty the January before you came to Port Kara. So that must mean—’ He looked at her for what felt like forever, his mouth half open as he let go of her hand, and then the penny dropped. ‘The baby was mine.’

‘Ours.’ She had to try and make him understand that she’d done what she did for all three of them. ‘Giving him up was the hardest thing I ever had to do, even harder than leaving you here and going back to Yorkshire. But I convinced myself it was for the best. I didn’t want you to choose me over the farm, just because I was pregnant. I thought you’d hate me for it in the long run, and that I’d end up on my own with the baby. I didn’t want him to have the life that Janice and I had growing up.’

‘You didn’t even give me the choice.’ Richard was already on his feet, his voice scarily calm, despite the muscles in his cheek visibly pulsing. ‘You let me go on with my life, not knowing I had a child, because you thought there was a chance I might leave you and the baby over a piece of land? I thought you were the one who knew me best, but it turns out you had no idea who I was.’

The turnaround in Richard’s demeanour couldn’t have been more complete. Five minutes before he’d been willing to risk everything for the chance of rediscovering what they’d had. But now he was looking at her as if he hated her more than anyone else on earth.

‘Richard, just let me explain, please.’ If Connie could have got out of bed without assistance, she would have grabbed hold of him, dropped to her knees and begged if she had to, just to get him to listen. But she was trapped in the bed and, for the first time ever, he held all the cards.

‘There is nothing, not one thing in the world, you could say that would change what you’ve done.’ Richard’s eyes flashed as he leant towards her, every word fired in her direction and intended to wound, hitting their target at point-blank range. ‘I never, ever want to see you, or hear from you again. In fact, as far as I’m concerned, you’re dead.’

‘You don’t mean that, you can’t.’ Connie was pleading with him, the tears she’d always known would come streaming down her face.

‘Oh yes I can and, like I said, you don’t know me, not really. You never have and it turns out I didn’t know you either. The woman I thought I loved all these years never even existed.’

‘Richard!’ She called his name out, again and again, as he turned on his heel, but despite her plaintive cries, he slammed the door behind him. Richard had been back in her life for less than fifteen minutes and this time she knew he was gone for good.

18

Connie couldn’t ever remember crying as hard as she had in the hours after Richard had walked out of her room without a backward glance. When she’d left Port Kara at the end of that summer, she’d cried all the way home, but the tears hadn’t felt as if they were coming from her soul the way they did this time. Even when she’d had to hand Charlie over for adoption, which had been like someone removing a limb without the benefit of anaesthetic, her tears had been tempered by the certainty that she was doing the right thing. Now all that certainty had gone and the inability she had to stop herself from sobbing, until her whole body ached, wasn’t just for losing Richard a second time. It was for them missing out on having their son in their lives, when she’d clearly been so wrong.

‘I got your message to come in and see you.’ When Charlie appeared at the end of her bed, Connie had been determined to curtail any more tears, but it was hopeless. The sight of him made things worse. This handsome man, who could have been her son for the last forty years, might as well have been a stranger for all they knew about one another. And when he found out the truth, there was every chance he might react the same way Richard had. It was Connie who’d kept his birth secret, and Richard hadn’t even known his son existed because of her. Richard had never rejected Charlie, and their son had every right to lay all the blame at Connie’s door, just like his father had.

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t want to cry, and I don’t expect you to feel sorry for me. I just needed to see you and tell you all the things I promised to say before someone else does.’

‘Does that mean you’ve spoken to Darcy and my father?’ She nodded and Charlie moved to the chair at the side of the bed, taking hold of her hand as he sat down. ‘It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me anything yet, if you’re too upset. I’m just glad I can see you again.’

‘It’s not you.’ The fact that Charlie was so lovely just made her cry all the harder. His adoptive parents had obviously done an amazing job.

‘I know me suddenly appearing in everyone’s lives must be a bit of a shock. But like I said before, I don’t need to fill any gaps, and I’m not looking for some sort of Hollywood ending. I just want to know my story.’

‘I know you do, sweetheart, and it’s not you they’re upset with. Darcy was shocked, but thrilled. She always wanted a cousin and, if I’d let her, I think she’d be halfway here by now. But her baby is due soon and there’s plenty of time for you to get to know her, I hope.’ As Charlie nodded in response, Connie felt a surge of optimism for the first time. He was clearly keen to get to know his cousin, but he still didn’t know that she’d kept her pregnancy from Richard. ‘But your father…’

‘If he doesn’t want to know me, that’s okay. I was always aware there was a possibility that one or both of you might not want to rake up the past. I’m just glad you want to get to know me, because I really want to get to know you too.’

The weight in Connie’s chest was making it hard to talk. She was terrified that when Charlie discovered what she’d done, he’d take back every word he’d just said. ‘I don’t know how he feels about getting to know you, because I didn’t even get the chance to tell him we’d found each other. He was in too much shock, because until yesterday, he didn’t even know you existed.’

‘You never told him?’ An unreadable expression had crossed Charlie’s face but, unlike Richard, he hadn’t let go of her hand. ‘Was he married?’

‘No, but he was engaged.’ Connie focused on a piece of fluff on the sheet covering her. She couldn’t look at Charlie; she wanted to get it all out and she needed to do it in one go. She didn’t take her eyes off the fluff until she’d told him the whole story, exactly the way she had to Gwen and Danni. He needed to know that none of this was Richard’s fault. She wasn’t sure what she’d expected when she finally looked at him again, but his shock was obvious.

‘I know Richard.’ All the colour seemed to have drained from Charlie’s face as he spoke. ‘The cottage I’ve rented is on Trengothern Hall Farm.’

‘Oh my God!’ Connie felt as if she’d been winded. She’d made such a mess of things and now Charlie was stuck in the middle. He barely seemed to register that Richard had been unaware of his existence until twenty-four hours ago. But then he looked straight at her.

‘Why didn’t you tell him you were pregnant?’

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