Page 50 of Welcome to the Cornish Country Hospital

‘Knew what?’ Charlie’s eyes never left hers and, somehow, the part of her that was desperate for relief decided that a problem shared was a problem halved.

‘That I’m the one Lucas said he loved, and that it was because of me he was having doubts about marrying Esther.’

‘I still don’t see how that’s your fault.’

‘Because I loved him too. I spent more than seven years fighting it, but apparently still managing to make it blatantly obvious. Esther had to watch her best friend pining after her boyfriend, but she never once said a word. She must have just kept waiting and hoping my feelings would eventually fade. But by the time they did, the damage had already been done.’

‘I see.’ Charlie released his hold and she missed the feeling of his arms around her the moment he let go. ‘Why didn’t you tell me it was you who was caught up in all of this, when you were talking about the problems between your friend and her fiancé?’

‘It was really hard to talk about.’ Danni knew she was making excuses, but Charlie didn’t let her get away with it.

‘The difficult conversations are the most important ones. I had to sit by Connie’s hospital bed yesterday and tell her that the man she’s loved for almost forty years wants nothing to do with her.’ Charlie clenched his jaw. ‘Telling me the truth would have been so much easier than that, so I still don’t understand why you didn’t do it.’

‘Because there was nothing to tell. Nothing happened between me and Lucas, except in my head. And by the time I met you, or at least around the time when I met you…’ Danni hesitated, unable to pinpoint now exactly when it was. ‘I realised I didn’t want anything to ever happen with him. All that wishing and hoping for my feelings for Lucas to go away and they finally had.’

‘Are you sure?’ Charlie was still watching her, as if he was looking for the slightest nuance in her expression that would suggest otherwise.

‘Of course I am – when I met you, when we were together. It just changed everything.’

‘I wish that was true.’ Charlie stared up at the sky and shook his head, before dropping his gaze to look at her. ‘I think I was just a well-timed distraction. Something you were using to divert from the fact that the person you love was about to marry someone else. Feelings like that don’t just disappear overnight…’

‘I didn’t and you’re not…’ A wave of exhaustion was washing over Danni. She hadn’t slept since meeting Esther in the pub and she couldn’t even think straight, let alone articulate what it was she was trying to explain to Charlie. Lucas had just been a fantasy, but she was falling for a real person with Charlie, although she could hardly blame him for not believing her. She’d questioned whether her feelings for Charlie were because of her need to find someone who gave her a sense of belonging, and whether she was simply transferring that need from Lucas to Charlie, building up another illusion of the person she wanted him to be. But Charlie was different. He didn’t need Danni to massage his ego, and he avoided attention rather than seeking it out. She’d finally found someone who might genuinely be able to give her that sense of belonging, the way Esther and her family had done in a different way, and she’d blown it with all of them.

‘Look, I understand, I really do. I wish things were different, but both our lives are so complicated at the moment and maybe it’s just as well I’m not going to be here for long, because I already like you way more than is good for me.’ Charlie shook his head again. ‘If I was staying there’d be a horrible possibility of me ending up as your back-up plan, and no one wants to be someone’s Fiona.’

‘I like you much more than I should too, but if you were staying it would be nothing like that. You’re far too amazing to be anyone’s back-up plan.’ If she could physically have restrained him from leaving, she might have tried, but she knew she was going to have to let him go.

‘I think it’s just as well for both our sakes that I won’t be around. I hope things work out for you, I really do, but I can’t allow myself to care even more about that than I do already. The situation with Richard and Connie is in danger of breaking my heart and I really can’t risk letting you finish the job.’ Charlie leant forward, kissing her so lightly she almost didn’t believe it had happened. ‘Good luck, Danni, I’ll miss you and, whatever happens, don’t ever let yourself become someone’s Fiona.’

Before she could even answer, Charlie turned away and called for his dog. ‘Come on, Mags, we’ve got to go.’

For the second time in as many days Danni wanted to call after someone she loved and beg them to come back and listen, without any idea of what she’d say if they did. This time she didn’t even try, but the realisation that it was too late for her, and that she already loved Charlie and had lost him too, hit her hard all the same.

* * *

Connie’s euphoria at being moved to the rehab centre had been dampened by the news that Richard only wanted a relationship with Charlie as long as she stayed out of it. But she was still determined to get through the assessment that would see her considered fit for discharge as soon as possible.

The team at the centre had worked out a programme for her to ensure that by the time she left she’d be able to manage at home on her own. It was a strange concept, the idea of living alone after sharing a busy ward with so many other patients. Even those who weren’t within her bay could be overheard at times, and then there was the revolving door of staff who constantly seemed to be coming and going. You could never be lonely, even if you wanted to. And whilst that kind of inflicted communal living was still Connie’s idea of hell in many ways, part of her would miss having someone to talk to. The regular visits from Gwen in particular would be something she’d mourn, and she hoped their promise to stay in touch with one another wouldn’t turn out to be hollow.

Another person she’d miss would be Danni, but there was a good chance Connie would get to see her again, if her intuition about Charlie’s feelings towards Danni were right. The way he looked at her suggested those feelings were more than casual and, if Connie had been Charlie’s mum for his whole life, she might have felt able to ask him. But her relationship with her son was still tentative and new, and she was frightened of doing anything that might drive him away, especially after what Richard had said.

Danni and Charlie were still on her mind when Danni walked into the rehab centre. Connie had been in the middle of composing a carefully worded text to Charlie, asking him how things were, aimed at sounding light and breezy. She needed him to know she cared and was thinking about him, without risking becoming overbearing.

‘How lovely to see you.’ Connie craned her neck slightly, trying to look past Danni without making it too obvious. ‘No Charlie today?’

‘No.’ It was just a single word, but Danni’s eyes were suddenly brimming with tears.

‘Oh sweetheart, what’s wrong?’ Connie was in a high-backed chair by the side of her bed. ‘You can sit on my bed, or I’m sure there’s another chair we can find somewhere.’

‘The bed’s fine, although I’m tempted to lie down and pull the covers over my head and not get up for the next few years.’

‘Surely things aren’t that bad!’ Gwen had appeared out of nowhere, making both of them jump – she’d make a good assassin if she ever fancied a change of career.

‘Oh trust me, it’s every bit as bad as that.’ Danni’s voice was small, and she didn’t even seem to notice when Gwen sat on the bed and put her arm around her. ‘I ruined things with Charlie by not telling the truth about what was going on.’ Danni swallowed again, as if her words were trying to choke her. ‘I told him that my best friend’s fiancé was having doubts about getting married because he was in love with someone else. What I didn’t say, until it was too late, was that I was that someone else, and that for too many years I’d been praying for him to tell me he felt the same.’

‘Lucas Newman.’ Gwen screwed up her face as she said his name. ‘He’s not good enough to clean your boots, or Esther’s.’

‘Oh please don’t say anything to anyone, will you?’ Danni gave Gwen a pleading look, but then she sighed. ‘I don’t suppose it’ll matter if you do; I’m going to have to leave St Piran’s anyway.’

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