Page 17 of A Found Family at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘Nothing’s wrong, but I have got something to tell you.’

‘You’ve met someone!’ Lexi clapped her hands together and beamed into the camera, almost mirroring the statement their grandmother had made, the first time Isla had thought about sharing her plans. ‘I knew there had to be a reason why you were so determined not to leave Cornwall.’

‘I have met someone, but unfortunately he’s already got a husband.’ Isla couldn’t help smiling at the look that crossed her sister’s face.

‘I don’t understand. So, you’ve met someone, but he’s married to a man?’ Her mother pushed her glasses up her nose. ‘Please tell me it’s not one of those weird polyamory set ups.’

‘Aidan’s just a friend, and he’s very happily married to Jase, but they’re desperate to have a baby and I’ve agreed to be their egg donor.’ For a moment there was silence, and she held her breath, waiting for the reaction she knew would come. Only the furrowing of her mother’s brow gave any indication that the screen hadn’t frozen, and when her sister finally spoke, her tone was tight.

‘Will you be having the baby for them, like my friend Misty?’ Lexi’s eyebrows shot up, but her whole face seemed to relax when Isla shook her head. ‘Good, because being handed a baby as a reward for suffering through pregnancy-induced haemorrhoids seems like a fair exchange. But having to go through all of that and having to hand the baby over to someone else at the end, sucks on all levels.’

‘At this stage of my life, I think I’d rather have the haemorrhoids.’ Isla laughed, but then she looked at her mother, whose face was completely blank. ‘I’ll just be donating my eggs. Some other far more selfless woman will be carrying the baby for Aidan and Jase. I’ve wanted to do it for a long time, for Dad, and as a thank you for the opportunity that our donor gave us, of being raised by a wonderful man. My only worry was that the parents of any child that might be born could never live up to Dad’s standards, but I think Aidan can. And the more I get to know Jase, the more I believe he can too. Dad would have loved them, they’re great guys, and they really deserve to be parents.’

‘What about what happened to Misty?’ Clare looked from Isla to Lexi, and back again.

‘It’s not the same. I won’t have any part in the pregnancy itself, and there’s absolutely no chance of Aidan and Jasechanging their minds anyway.’ Isla watched her mother’s face, as expressions seemed to flit across it, like images on a TV screen.

‘How about the process itself? Are there any risks?’

‘It’s very safe and I’ll be monitored really closely.’

‘What about your fertility later on, if you use up lots of eggs?’ Her mother frowned. Isla couldn’t imagine being ready to follow in her sister’s footsteps for a very long time, but it was something the clinic had covered in detail anyway.

‘It won’t affect my chances of having a baby.’ Isla wished she could give her mother a hug, because it was obvious how worried this was making her. She’d expected Lexi to be the one to hit her with loads of questions, but her sister was just sitting quietly. Clare wasn’t done yet, though.

‘And what about if it’s successful and they have a baby? Will you be involved? I told you before, they’ve changed the laws now.’

‘I know, I’ve had counselling to discuss all of that, and we’ve got more sessions booked in together. I’ll be making an agreement with Aidan and Jase about what our relationship will look like if they do have a baby, so we all know where we stand.’ If Isla was making it sound simple, it was because that’s exactly how it felt with Aidan and Jase. It was why she was so certain that it was something she was supposed to do, with them. ‘And if it makes you feel any better, I’ll be getting a whole series of health checks before I donate. I’ve also been trying to eat better, to be in the best possible condition when the treatment starts. So it’s actually having loads of health benefits.’

‘I’m not going to pretend I’m not worried, but I can’t really remember a time when I haven’t been. That’s parenting for you.’ Clare sighed. ‘And I know my girls. Nothing I’ve ever been able to say to either of you has made any difference once you’d made up your minds.’

‘I think Dad would have approved.’ Lexi’s words made Isla’s head jolt up in surprise. She’d been almost certain her sister would tell her she was crazy, but there was no sign of that. ‘And Isla’s right, we wouldn’t even be here, if someone hadn’t been willing to do the same for us.’

‘How can I argue with that?’ Clare put her arm around Lexi, and blew a kiss to Isla with her other hand. ‘But if you change your mind at any point, that’s okay too.’

‘I know.’ Isla blew a kiss back towards the screen, and her whole body felt lighter than it had ten minutes earlier. The only thing she was worried about now, was whether the fertility treatment would be a success, because the last remaining obstacle to going ahead had just been removed. Or so she thought.

The moment Isla saw Sarah Vardy sitting in the waiting area of A&E, as she headed in to start her shift, her heart sank. Sarah looked exhausted, there were violet shadows under her eyes and her legs were bouncing up and down, as if she was finding it impossible to keep still. She was obviously distressed, and, in all likelihood, what was wrong with Sarah couldn’t be fixed by a visit to A&E. What made it saddest of all, was that there might be no fix for it. And Isla could only imagine how torturous it must be for Sarah to live with such relentless levels of anxiety.

‘How are you doing, Sarah?’ She stopped in front of the older woman, who looked up, but seemed to take a moment to register that she needed to respond. When she finally spoke, her eyes were wild with fear.

‘The cancer’s everywhere now, I can feel it crawling through my body like ants.’

‘That must be a horrible sensation, but you know from coming in before that your symptoms often have another explanation. Have you spoken to Dr Carter about it?’ As Sarah’s psychiatrist, Joe was the only person who stood any chance of helping her through this latest crisis, but she was vehemently shaking her head.

‘I need to be admitted to the cancer centre, but they keep telling me I haven’t got it. I know the previous scans were clear, but it’s different this time and no one’s listening. I canfeelit inside me, and it’s going to be too late for anyone to help me.’ She was on the edge of hysteria now, her voice carrying across the waiting area. It was unusually quiet with only a handful of people waiting, but every one of them seemed to have their eyes on Sarah.

‘I’m going to take you through to examine you, and we’ll take it from there.’ Isla had no idea whether she could do anything to calm Sarah down but getting her out of such a public area seemed like a good start. They’d have to call The Sycamore Centre and see whether Joe or one of his colleagues could attend, but in the meantime, Sarah was getting more and more distressed. It might not be a physical emergency, but she needed urgent treatment all the same.

Fifteen minutes later, Sarah was settled on a bed in a cubicle and Isla had just returned from putting the call in to The Sycamore Centre. It was still unnervingly quiet throughout the emergency department and Esther, who was nursing lead, had told Isla to take as long as she needed with Sarah.

‘Are you feeling any more comfortable?’ As she approached the bed, Isla was relieved to see that Sarah’s fidgeting seemed to have stopped.

‘Just having someone listen and take my symptoms seriously helps more than you know.’ Sometimes she could be incredibly candid, and seemed able to grasp the idea that hercarcinophobia was at the root of her problems, but she could flit straight back from that to being convinced she was dying of cancer, in an instant.

‘I know you said you can feel the cancer, but are there any other symptoms?’ Isla wasn’t just humouring Sarah. Experience had taught her that there was always a chance something physical could be going on, even with a patient like her. If there was something else wrong, she didn’t want it to get lost in the mental health crisis that had her patient in its grip.

‘I’m exhausted all the time. It doesn’t matter how much I sleep, when I wake up I’m still tired.’ The circles under Sarah’s eyes looked even darker under the harsh lights in the cubicle. ‘I’m losing weight and the headaches I’m getting feel like the bones in my skull are too tight. They’re all symptoms of the cancer, but nobody will listen.’

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