Page 30 of A Found Family at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘Rube you know better than to tell me that something’s good for me before I eat it. Something just tells my tastebuds I don’t like it otherwise.’

‘It’s not at the level of a beetroot and tomato salad, with a kale smoothie on the side, I promise. But it’ll do you more good than harm.’

‘As long as it’s at least on the margins.’ Aidan gave him a sceptical look and then took a bite of his brownie, unable to hold back the exclamations of delight. ‘Oh my God, that’s good!’

‘Well, you’d better eat your fill, because Uncle Jase has texted me three times to ask if I know where you are, and I’ve got a feeling he’ll be feeding your dinner to the dog by the time you get home.’

‘We haven’t even got a dog.’

‘That’s how much trouble you’re in!’ Reuben laughed, but Isla couldn’t join in. She’d known there was somewhere Aidan needed to be, and now it looked as if he’d upset Jase. She should have insisted he left, but deep down she was still glad he hadn’t.

‘I’ll go and give him a call now; it’ll force me to pace myself with this brownie.’ As Aidan got up to leave, Reuben slid into the seat he’d just vacated and looked at Isla.

‘Are you not hungry? I can get you something else if you don’t like brownies.’

‘It’s not that, it’s just… today has been a lot to process.’

‘Do you want to talk about it?’

‘I don’t want to bore you.’ The weird thing was, now that she was sitting face to face with Reuben, she’d realised she did want to talk to him about her diagnosis. It was exactly like the first time she’d confided in him, when she’d told herself she wasn’t going to, and the next minute the words had come rushing out. Whatever the reason, she was ready to open up to Reuben for a second time.

‘You could never bore me.’ His fingers traced the outline of the metal work on the table top, moving so close to her hand it was almost as if she could feel him touching her, and then another unexpected thought struck her – she wished he was.

‘I’ve got a form of leukaemia. It’s chronic, which means it’s slow to progress and manageable with treatment, but they probably won’t be able to cure it.’ Isla didn’t miss the look that had crossed Reuben’s face. This was hard to hear, but even harder to say and she had to get it all out. ‘That doesn’t mean I’ll die from it, any sooner than I might die from something else. The consultant said it’s like diabetes in that way. But, if the inhibitors stop working, they’ll have to move on to other treatments, like chemo, and it could be life-threatening if it gets to that stage. I know the news could have been a lot worse, but I’m struggling with the fact that this is something that’s going to follow me around for the rest of my life. I saw what that did to Dad, but in some ways it was even harder watching Mum go through it. I thought for so long that I didn’t want to meet someone, because I didn’t want to risk loving them as much asshe loved him, and feeling the way she did if I ever lost them. But now I know that if I do meet someone, they’ll have to accept that possibility from the start, and that’s going to be a lot to take on. The strangest thing is that it’s made me realise I do want to find someone to make that kind of risk worth taking.’

Isla could hardly believe she was being so honest with him, and she’d had to drop her gaze when she’d come to the last part. It sounded as if she was talking about him and, if she was honest, she couldn’t say for certain that she wasn’t. It was too complicated to ever work, but denying the attraction between them would have meant lying to herself, as well as Reuben. She could keep her feelings hidden from him if she didn’t look into his eyes, but she had a feeling they’d be painfully obvious if she did.

‘I can’t imagine what it must be like to love someone with the knowledge that you could lose them, or to be on the receiving end of that kind of love, the intensity of every day really counting, and a desire to make each moment matter. But doesn’t everyone want to be loved like that?’ Reuben’s fingertip grazed the edge of her palm for just a second and every nerve ending in her body seemed to light up. ‘I know that’s what I want, and it’s what I want to feel for someone else too. If love isn’t everything to you, then surely it’s nothing.’

‘I suppose so.’ Pulling her hand away, she dug her fingernails into her palm, trying to feel something other than an almost overpowering attraction to Reuben. Things were complicated enough as it was, and she had no idea whether her plans to help Aidan and Jase had been ruined by her diagnosis. But a fling with their nephew would just muddy the waters even further. And that’s all it would have been, a fling. Someone like Reuben probably had his pick of anyone he wanted to date, and Isla had a horrible feeling she was mistaking sympathy for something else. All she could do was hope that the attraction she was feelingwas just her brain’s way of distracting her from her diagnosis, because she really didn’t need such strong feelings for him, or anyone else for that matter. The trouble was, there wasn’t ‘anyone else’ remotely like Reuben, and he was fast becoming the only person she could completely open up to. But crossing the line would almost certainly mess that up and she needed a friend more than ever right now.

‘Thanks for the brownie, but I really don’t think I can face eating anything.’

‘I’ll box it up for you.’ Reuben’s tone was gentle as he stood up, but none of the intensity had left his face. ‘I know you’ve got loads of other friends, but if you need anything, anytime, you’ve got my number.’

‘Thank you.’ Isla repeated the words she’d said to the nurse from The Thornberry Centre, and they were every bit as hollow. She’d wanted to make it clear to Reuben that the last thing she needed right now was any kind of blurred lines between them, but describing himself as her friend had made it crystal clear how he felt too, and for some reason that hurt far more than it should have done.

17

The house was eerily quiet when Aidan got in. He’d tried to ring Jase, but the call had gone straight to voicemail, and his husband hadn’t replied to the string of texts he’d sent either. He could feel the atmosphere as soon as he walked in; there was a tension in the air that was undoubtedly down to him, and he probably deserved it. He’d missed the first meeting with their potential surrogate Ellen, and Jase’s texts – while Aidan had been in the waiting room with Isla – had become more and more frantic. There was no way Aidan could have left Isla to face the appointment alone, but there was no excuse for him not texting Jase back at the time either. The thing was, he’d known that Jase wouldn’t have put any pressure on him to get to the meeting with Ellen under the circumstances. He’d have explained the situation to her, and she’d no doubt have been happy to delay or reschedule. All of which meant Aidan couldn’t really offer a justification for why he’d ignored all the messages, and if Jase was angry enough to do something drastic, he’d only have himself to blame.

‘Hello?’ The word echoed along the hallway as he called out, and he shivered in response. It was almost as if the entire housewas empty, but there was no way Jase would have left and taken everything with him, just because Aidan hadn’t replied to the texts. His car was on the driveway too, so the idea that he might have done something as drastic as walking out was ridiculous. Aidan was still telling himself that as he pushed open the door to the lounge, holding his breath in case the wing-backed armchair that Jase adored, which they’d picked up from an antique fair on a trip to France, was gone. Thank God it was still there, complete with their beloved cats, Babs and Ange, curled up on the seat, neither of whom bothered to open their eyes as Aidan came into the room. There was no sign of Jase, but at least he could breathe again, because he knew for certain his husband wouldn’t have gone without the cats. Deep down he realised he was being ridiculous, even allowing the thought to cross his mind, but sometimes he couldn’t help catastrophising. Having a parent who was incapable of loving Aidan for who he was had caused more damage than he wanted to admit, and given him a fear of abandonment that never fully went away.

Leaving the lounge, he headed out to the sunny kitchen, which they’d loved from the moment they’d bought the house. They’d both been able to picture family life in that room. There was space for a big dining table, where a family could eat together, or the children could do their homework while their dads cooked up a storm. The kitchen overlooked the back garden, which had plenty of room for a sandpit and a swing set, maybe even a treehouse. They’d found the home of their dreams, and from that moment their desire to build a family had grown stronger and stronger. But now Aidan was no longer sure if it was what he wanted, and he had no idea how to tell the man he loved about his doubts.

Jase wasn’t in the kitchen either and Aidan had just taken out his phone to call him, when he spotted him out in the garden. He was digging and, even from thirty feet away, Aidan could tell thatit was anger driving the spade into the ground every time it hit the soil. Physical activity was how Jase always coped with things when there was a lot on his mind. He’d trained for a marathon in the run-up to their wedding, when the reaction of Aidan’s family to their upcoming nuptials had left them both feeling hurt. Aidan only wished his coping mechanisms were half as healthy, but the only solace he’d found was working as much overtime as he could, just so he was too tired to think. It was that or hitting the bottle, and that was one stereotype he’d always sworn he wouldn’t perpetuate.

He had no idea if Jase heard him approaching, but either way his husband didn’t look up. ‘Do you want a drink? That looks like thirsty work.’

‘What I want is a husband who keeps the promises he’s made.’ Jase drove the spade into the ground again, with enough force to send a sod of earth flying into the air, but he still didn’t look in Aidan’s direction.

‘I was with Isla, at her consultant’s appointment.’ This time, Jase’s head shot up in response, his eyes full of concern.

‘What did they say? Is she okay?’

‘It’s leukaemia.’

‘Oh my God, she’s not on her own, is she? You should have brought her here.’ The hostility that had been radiating from Jase had completely disappeared, but Aidan had only told him half the story and guilt at using Isla’s diagnosis as a get-out-of-jail-free card was fizzing inside him.

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