Page 34 of A Found Family at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘It is.’ Reuben’s eyes met hers and the look he gave her was so intense she had to drop her gaze.

‘I might have a normal life span, or things might escalate quickly, to a point where it could be too late to do any of this. I don’t want my life to have meant nothing.’

‘It already means so much and not just to your family, or the patients whose lives you make such a difference too. You’ve got no idea how it felt for Aidan when you made that offer. He hasn’t had the easiest of times with his family and I know that’s affected his self-worth, but you will have helped change that. You’re trusting him with the most precious gift you could give anyone, and I know that will have meant the world to him, and to Jase.’

Tears pricked her eyes, and Isla focused on some yellow flowers in one of the raised beds, so Reuben wouldn’t realise how emotional she was. ‘I do trust Aidan and Jase. It’s what made the decision so much easier than being an anonymous donor, but I need them to understand that they’re helping me as much as I’m helping them. I’m terrified that without them, I won’t get to give my dad the kind of legacy he deserves and I don’t want to risk waiting until it’s too late. But I don’t want them to feel like I’m forcing their hand either, because it’s got to be right for them. I really wish I’d got through the egg donation, before I was given my diagnosis.’

‘Just tell them what you’ve told me.’ Reuben reached out for her hand, and her fingers curled around his, exactly like they had the first time their hands had touched, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. This situation was already so complicated, and she’d told herself time and again that her attraction to Reuben should be left to pass, as it no doubt would eventually. She didn’t even know for certain if he felt the same,although it often seemed like he did. Either way, she’d already discovered to her cost that sometimes she couldn’t control what went on in her body, and all she could do was try to trust that everything would somehow work out for the best.

19

In the hours leading up to meeting Ellen for lunch, Aidan felt so nervous that even the thought of eating made him nauseous. So much was relying on him making a good impression, and he’d already messed up once. From the messages she’d sent since their first meeting, it was clear that Ellen had loved Jase on sight, just like everyone else did. That meant the only one capable of derailing her offer to be a surrogate was Aidan. For as long as he could remember, his go-to approach when meeting new people had been to try and make them laugh. He’d earned himself a reputation for his dry humour at university, and in every job he’d had since then.

‘I feel like I’m going on a first date. The trouble is, I’ve been happily letting myself go for the past ten years, safe in the knowledge I’d never have another one of those.’ Aidan turned to his side and sucked in his stomach, as Jase sat on the bed watching him. ‘Now I’ve left it far too late to get in shape, so I can try to persuade Ellen I’ll be a great role model for healthy living. I keep reading about the importance of starting weightlifting before I hit middle age, but I don’t think lifting my own body weight out of the chair really counts.’

‘She won’t give a damn what you look like.’ Jase was laughing, even before Aidan spun round with a look of outrage on his face.

‘Well thanks very much!’

‘You know what I mean. You look great, but that’s not what she’s going to focus on. She wants to know you’re someone she can get on with throughout the pregnancy, and she also wants to know that you deserve to be a dad.’ Jase reached out to Aidan. ‘And everyone who meets you can work that out pretty quickly.’

‘So I didn’t need the Spanx after all?’ Aidan raised his eyebrows, laughing too, as he closed the gap between him and Jase. All he had to do was convince Ellen that hanging out with him wouldn’t be unbearable, which should be easy, because he’d never had a problem convincing anyone of that. Except for his father.

‘It’s been such a lovely afternoon, thank you.’ Ellen kissed Jase on both cheeks, before turning towards Aidan and doing the same as they stood in the car park outside the restaurant. ‘I was on board after meeting Jase, but now I know a baby would be so lucky to have the pair of you as parents. This will be my last time as a surrogate, and I’m so glad it’s going to be for you guys.’

‘We feel so blessed that you’ve chosen us.’ Jase was beaming. The lunch couldn’t have gone better, and they’d stayed talking for another hour, even after Aidan had settled the bill. If everything worked out, this would be Ellen’s third surrogate pregnancy, and with two children of her own before she started her surrogacy journey, she’d made the decision to ‘retire’ at five. Aidan just hoped they’d be ready to go ahead when she was,because she might not want to hang around waiting if things weren’t in place to proceed with an egg donor.

‘As soon as I read your profile, I felt a connection.’ Ellen had a wonderfully warm smile. ‘And I meant what I said about you guys coming over for a barbecue soon. I think it’s important for you to meet Andrew and the kids, because we’re going to be part of one another’s lives for a long time.’

‘I hope he likes us.’ Aidan wished he could just enjoy the fact that the meeting had gone so well, without the wave of anxiety that had almost immediately begun bubbling up inside of him. But it didn’t work that way.

‘Oh he’ll love you, trust me.’ Ellen made it sound as though her husband had very little choice in the matter, and that’s exactly what she meant. ‘But at the end of the day, what he thinks won’t influence my decision. It’s my body and I get to choose who I want to help become a family. And I’ve made my choice.’

‘Thank you so much, it means more to us than we could ever explain.’ Aidan hugged her, her response muffled against his chest.

‘I know, but I feel so lucky to be able to do it for you. There’s no better feeling than knowing you’ve helped create a new family.’ She pulled away slightly and looked up at him. ‘Which is why I understand your egg donor’s determination to try and help you, even in the middle of everything else she’s got going on.’

Aidan had explained Isla’s situation, and had told Ellen that they hadn’t decided how they were going to proceed. It was Jase who’d insisted they tell Ellen everything, and he’d asked if she had any concerns about carrying an embryo created with an egg donated by someone who’d been diagnosed with cancer. Despite the fact that Isla’s consultant had confirmed there was no risk of passing the cancer on to a baby, Jase had told Ellen he would understand if the idea made her feel odd. Cancer couldgrow from one rogue cell, after all. But Ellen had been adamant that she didn’t have any concerns. Her first surrogate pregnancy had been for a woman who’d had her eggs frozen after being diagnosed with cervical cancer, and who’d subsequently undergone a complete hysterectomy. Three years later, and in remission, she and her husband had longed to start a family. This was no different, according to Ellen. But Aidan had seen the look on his husband’s face and he was certain he knew what Jase was thinking. Itwasdifferent, because that woman had been desperate to use her own eggs, rather than a donor’s. But Jase and Aidan would be using a donor anyway, so why not choose one without that kind of complication? On paper it would have made perfect sense to take the easy choice, but life wasn’t a paper exercise and Aidan still couldn’t let go of the idea of using a donor they knew well, and would be happy to have as a part of their lives.

‘We’ll let you know as soon as we can what’s happening with the donor eggs.’ The way Jase described it felt suddenly impersonal, like it wasn’t a crucial part of the process. Except this wasn’t just about an altruistic gesture, from some random person, it was about Isla, and Aidan had grown to care about her more and more. Despite his recent wobbles, he knew for certain now that he wanted to be a father, but he couldn’t imagine leaving Isla out of the equation either. So he had no idea how he’d come to terms with it if Jase was determined to go another way.

‘I’ll text you when I get in about a date for the barbecue.’ Ellen held up her hand in a final parting gesture, just before she slid into the seat of her car. There was nothing stopping Aidan turning around and following Jase to their own car, except he knew when he did that they were going to have to have a very difficult conversation. It was time to decide, once and for all, whether they were still going to accept Isla’s offer of donatingher eggs, and he wasn’t sure he was ready to hear what his husband had to say.

Aidan looked at the text on his phone again and let go of a deep breath. Putting off the conversation with Jase wasn’t going to solve anything, so he might as well get on with it. The problem was, he wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret what Isla had said in the last message she’d sent him.

I’ve had the go-ahead from the clinic and I’ll be starting the hormone injections on Wednesday. I know you’re worried about me doing this, but I promise it’s what I want. The first five eggs are yours whatever happens, and we’ll split the rest fifty/fifty. It’s just a bit of insurance for me, but regardless of how the leukaemia progresses, this might be my only chance to make a babyxx

Isla was repeating what she’d said the last time Aidan and Jase had seen her, and they’d told her again that going through with the egg donation shouldn’t even cross her mind right now, because she needed to concentrate on her treatment and start it as soon as possible. Only she’d been as adamant as she was well-informed, and she’d clearly done her research.

‘If I need to go on to chemo, they won’t let me pause to have egg retrieval, so I’m going to be doing this whether you want my eggs or not.’ Isla had made it sound like she was offering him a pint of milk, but her voice had cracked on the next sentence, and she’d suddenly looked incredibly fragile. ‘If that happens, having a baby might never be an option for me, because I might not bewell enough. This might be the only baby I’ll ever be a part of creating, and it’s still so important to me to do that. It’s giving me something to aim for, and a reason to look forward. But if you don’t want to go ahead, I understand, and I can cover the costs of the treatment myself.’

‘Of course we still want you to be our donor.’ Aidan had known in the moment that he shouldn’t be speaking for Jase, but his heart had ached looking at the woman standing in front of him, who’d seemed so alone. Focusing on the fertility treatment was giving her something else to think about, and it was the best chance she had of fulfilling the promise she’d made to honour her dad’s legacy. It was only later when he’d replayed the comments that he’d started to worry just how attached to the idea of making a baby Isla might become, and he was scared of what it might do to her if it didn’t work. Jase hadn’t said anything afterwards about Aidan accepting her offer, but from what he’d said to Ellen, he clearly had doubts too. However difficult it was, they needed to talk about it, and come to a decision, because Isla’s fertility treatment was starting in two days’ time.

‘That went great, didn’t it?’ Jase glanced at Aidan, and then looked back at the road, as they headed home from their meet up with Ellen.

‘She’s lovely.’ Aidan took another deep breath, still unsure of what he wanted to say, even as the words began to come out of his mouth. ‘But we need to make a decision about Isla; the clinic have given her the go-ahead and she starts the injections on Wednesday.’

‘Right.’ Jase’s expression was unreadable, but there was a tiny muscle going in his cheek.

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