Page 38 of A Found Family at the Cornish Country Hospital

‘It was, and I had the best childhood, because I was the focus of everyone in the family, so I never really missed having a dad around. It must have been so much harder for you, with your dad’s illness being such a big part of your life growing up.’ Reuben took hold of her other hand, and they were standing face to face, so close she could feel him breathing.

‘I was lucky too and I had grandparents who stepped up, as well. My nan was amazing and when Mum really wasn’t coping well, she was the one who gathered me and Lexi up, and focused all her energies on us. She’s the person I most want to be like and even though there’s no genetic link between us, she taught me more about what family means than anyone else. That’s why I don’t have any concerns about donating my eggs to Aidan and Jase, because Aidan understands that too, that family is the people who love you most, not just the ones you share some DNA with.’

‘You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever met. You’re going through so much, but you still want to help other people. I’ve been wanting to say this for a long time, Isla, and I know it’s going to sound like a line you’ve heard a hundred times before, but I can’t stop thinking about you.’

‘I haven’t heard it nearly as often as you might imagine.’ Despite the nerves fluttering in her chest, she managed to laugh. Reuben might well be one of those people who fell for someone easily, but it had never happened to Isla before, and for once in her life she was going to feel the fear and do it anyway. Dropping his hands, she put her arms around his waist, pulling him closer, before announcing her intention. ‘And because of that I’m going to kiss you now, if that’s okay?’

‘I think I can live with the idea.’ Reuben grinned again and, as she pressed her lips against his, all the chatter and worries about the future that had been racing through her head were silenced. It was just the two of them, and this moment, andthe best kiss she’d ever had in her life. Nothing else mattered, nothing else even existed, and she never wanted it to stop.

Like all good things, the kiss eventually had to end, because if it hadn’t, Isla wasn’t sure she could have been responsible for her actions. As welcoming as Reuben’s family were, she doubted they’d have been thrilled to find her tearing off his clothes in the magical pixie garden they’d created for him when he was a child. She wanted to blame the hormones she was injecting into her body in preparation for the egg collection, but she was past trying to delude herself now. Her feelings for Reuben had grown from a powerful initial attraction to something much deeper, and pretending they hadn’t wouldn’t make them go away. Instead, she was trying not to overthink it and just see what happened. This was one more thing she couldn’t control, which scared her, but she had a strong suspicion it was already far too late to protect her heart.

‘Do you want to stay out here and be my barbequing buddy?’ Reuben entwined his fingers with hers. ‘I know everyone wants to talk to you, but it’s nice having you to myself for a bit. At least until they all start coming out here asking when the food’s going to be ready.’

‘I’d like that.’ The fact that Reuben was making no attempt to play things cool made her like him even more.

‘Great, wait here. I’ll go and get us some drinks.’ He kissed her again, much more briefly this time, but her body still tingled with anticipation. ‘I’ll be right back.’

‘I’ll see if I can be the first one to spot a pixie.’

‘Listen, Ireallylike you, but if you’re the first one to spot one, after all the years I spent trying, I might not be able to forgiveyou.’ Reuben attempted to give her a serious look, but then he broke into a smile. ‘Just don’t tell me if you see one.’

‘I promise to take it to my grave.’ It was only a throwaway line, but Isla shivered as Reuben disappeared. She had to stop focusing on the worst scenario, and make the most of every moment, the way Gwen had told her to. But it was harder than she wanted it to be to not let unwanted thoughts creep in. Maybe concentrating hard, in the hope of finally spotting a pixie, really was the way to go.

It couldn’t have been more than a minute or so since Reuben had gone inside, and Isla was crouching at the base of the furthest oak tree, out of sight, trying to read the tiny hand-carved inscription on the door, when she heard voices. She’d have recognised the first one anywhere.

‘So, what’s it like turning forty-nine?’ Aidan’s voice had a gentle teasing tone to it.

‘Much the same as being forty-eight so far, but I’m going to have a bloody big party next year, that’s for sure. And hopefully I’ll finally have a little niece or nephew to share the day with. I can’t think of any better gift than being an auntie.’ Tash sounded really excited by the prospect, but Aidan’s response was far more measured and downbeat.

‘I’m not sure how quickly it’s going to happen.’

‘I thought the meeting with the surrogate went well?’

‘It did.’

‘So, what’s the problem?’

‘We’re just not sure if using Isla’s eggs is the right thing to do any more. It might be better to wait and find another donor, but I’ve got no idea how long that’s going to take.’ Isla felt as though she’d been winded. Aidan had been having doubts all this time, but he hadn’t had the guts to tell her. Suddenly she had no idea whether he’d meant any of the things he’d said sinceher diagnosis, and even the ground beneath her feet no longer seemed as solid as it had.

‘Come on you two, you can’t hide out here!’ Ray’s voice suddenly filled the air. ‘Lin’s got her sister on FaceTime, and Auntie Pat wants to wish you a happy birthday.’

Waiting until she was sure they’d gone inside, Isla stood up, all the blood rushing to her feet as she did, forcing her to lean against the tree she’d been crouching next to. Aidan and Jase were clearly having doubts they’d never shared with her about using her eggs, and her mind was already racing ahead and coming up with all sorts of reasons why that might be, but none of them were good.

22

Reuben had wanted to leave with Isla when she’d told him she didn’t feel well. The barbecue had just been getting underway and it had taken all her powers of persuasion to convince him to stay, by telling him she had a migraine coming and just needed to go to bed to wait it out. He’d looked doubtful, and Aidan and Jase had fussed round her too, offering to drive her home, but the last thing she’d wanted was to be stuck in a car with one of them, feeling as if all their plans were unravelling because of her. She couldn’t help the fact she’d got leukaemia, but she hated the consequences almost more than the illness itself. She’d heard the pain and disappointment in Aidan’s voice, and her illness was already changing things, and curtailing her plans, just like she’d feared it would. All of her determination to try and follow Gwen’s advice, to grab life while she could, felt impossible now. How was she supposed to grab life, when the leukaemia was already preventing her from being able to do the things she wanted most.

The day after the barbecue was always going to be a difficult day, because it marked the anniversary of her father’s death. It wasn’t an event that was celebrated, the way they still celebratedhis birthday, but they always remembered it in some way. There’d be another trip to the cemetery with her grandparents, and they were having lunch in his favourite pub together afterwards. In the evening, her mother would FaceTime them all, and they’d no doubt exchange some memories of the man whose absence was no less painful after six years, than it had been when they’d first lost him.

She’d woken up in the morning to missed calls from both Aidan and Reuben, who’d left voicemails checking how she was, and texts after that, asking her to get in touch to let them know she was okay. She’d replied to both of them, saying she was fine, and apologising for bailing on the barbecue. To make sure neither of them suddenly turned up, she also explained that it was the anniversary of her father’s death and that she was off work for a couple of days, but she’d be in touch after that. She had no idea what she’d say to either of them when she saw them, but that was a worry for later. She had to get through the day with her grandparents first. They’d never have expected her to be upbeat, given the significance of the date, but that didn’t stop them realising something was wrong.

‘You haven’t eaten anything.’ Her grandmother laid a hand over hers, as they sat in the pub. ‘I know this is a tough day, my love, but your dad would have hated seeing you like this.’

The guilt bubbling up inside Isla threatened to spill over, because she felt like the worst kind of fraud. It was an awful thought, but she hadn’t realised until she’d overheard Aidan talking to Tash, just how much the egg donation meant to her. Doing it wasn’t just about helping Aidan and Jase, or even creating a legacy to honour her father, she was doing it to make her own life mean something too, and that was the part that suddenly felt more important than it ever had before. Yet she’d sat in the pub, letting her grandparents believe that theblackness of her mood was entirely down to the anniversary of her father’s death.

Even after she’d followed them back to their house to wait for her mother’s call, she felt as though a black cloud was hanging over her, which she couldn’t shake off. Isla could almost hear Gwen whispering in her ear again, that she’d feel far better if she told her grandparents everything. But her decision not to share her diagnosis, meant she couldn’t even explain what had happened with Aidan and Jase, and why her plans to donate her eggs would probably come to nothing. At least three times she’d opened her mouth to tell them she had leukaemia, but something had stopped her every time.

‘Is that your mum already? She’s early.’ Her grandmother snatched up the iPad as the ringtone for the FaceTime call filled the air. The poor woman was probably giddy with relief at having something to break up the dark mood, which Isla seemed to be trailing around with her.

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