Page 35 of Together Again at the Cornish Country Hospital

Barry had suggested pulling out of the charity dance display several times, but Gwen had flatly refused to accept she wasn’t up to it. She had struggled at the spring dance show and things had got even worse since then, but she still couldn’t admit it. She was supposed to be dancing a waltz with Barry, and leading the belly dancers in their display, and she secretly doubted she could do it, but agreeing with Barry that they should pull out would have confirmed something was really wrong and she was still desperate to deny that. Somehow she got through the waltz, but it felt as though Barry was pushing her around the dance floor like she was an old fridge that needed shifting, ready to be taken to the dump.

‘Are you feeling okay?’ Nicky came over to Gwen, just before the belly dance display was due to start. Gwen had always been the epitome of confidence, never worrying that the belly dancing outfit exposed flesh that some people would suggest was better covered up ‘at her age’. She didn’t buy into any of that. There’d been a rough patch during menopause when she’d wanted to hide away all together, but she’d done what she’d always done and thrown herself wholeheartedly into solving the problem.

One of the first steps had been to volunteer as a life model for an art class and it had allowed her to see herself from other people’s point of view. Not as a past-her-best has-been, as she’d been feeling, but as someone who’d earnt every scar and wrinkle, and who had far more character and strength because of them.

This was different though. This time if she was in the early stages of aphasia no amount of positive thinking, medical intervention or pushing herself out of her comfort zone would help. She just wanted to hide away and pretend it wasn’t happening, but Nicky was standing in front of her, waiting for an answer, so she forced a smile.

‘I’m fine. Ready to shake what my mama gave me.’ Gwen gave Nicky a demo, the coins on her outfit rattling and her brain feeling like it was following suit. She could get through this, though, all she had to do was fake it and shake it, and no one would know there was anything wrong.

‘Barry’s a bit worried about you, so if you want to give this a miss, I’m sure Janet could go up front.’ Nicky’s tone was gentle, but Gwen shook her head hard, making it hurt even more.

‘He’s just fussing.’ She moved towards the side of the stage, not giving Nicky the chance to try and dissuade her from going on again, and moments later the music started up.

At first Gwen’s movements felt reasonably fluid, but then it was almost as if her batteries had died, and she couldn’t seem to follow the beat of the music. Exchanging a desperate look with Janet, who’d mouthed the words, ‘You okay?’, Gwen shook her head and dropped to the back of the group, allowing Janet to take over up front. Suddenly Gwen couldn’t seem to remember any of the movements, and she stood there, shaking her body aimlessly from side to side.

‘What’s wrong darling?’ Barry was there as soon as she came off stage. ‘And don’t say nothing, because I know there is.’

‘I…’ The words refused to form and she widened her eyes in terror, her legs suddenly feeling as if they’d given way beneath her, and he had to catch her in his arms.

‘Shall I call an ambulance?’ Nicky was right there too, but Barry shook his head.

‘I’ll take her in, if you can just give me a hand to get her to the car. It’ll be quicker and I’m not taking no for an answer this time. Whatever is going on, it’s been happening for far too long already.’ Barry stroked Gwen’s hair away from her face, as she managed to steady herself. ‘I know you’re scared about what this might be Gee, but it’s going to be okay. I promise. We can’t keep pretending you don’t need to see a doctor.’

‘I know.’ She managed the words at last, silently praying that Barry would be able to keep his promise that everything would be okay, and wishing she wasn’t so certain that a life changing diagnosis was only hours away.

* * *

‘Well hello there Mrs Jones, you’re always full of surprises, but that must be the best outfit you’ve worn to work yet!’ The smile on Amy’s face died as she looked at Gwen’s expression. She was sitting on a chair in the waiting area of the emergency department, where she often stopped to chat to patients when she was doing her rounds with the hospital shop trolley. Gwen was wearing a green belly dancing costume and Amy would have assumed it was fancy dress, except Gwen had a black tailcoat draped over her shoulders and there were tears glistening in her eyes.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

‘I think I’m… my head is going.’ Gwen blinked hard, speaking slowly. ‘My mother had it and…’

‘She’s terrified she’s got aphasia.’ Barry, who Amy had met several times, suddenly appeared besides them. ‘But I don’t think it’s that. Her symptoms are different and sometimes she seems almost fine. She had a water infection, and we hoped that might be it, but sometimes she can’t seem to find her words, although there are other things too. I don’t know, but she needs to see someone, don’t you sweetheart?’

‘It’s going to be okay. Have you checked Gwen in?’ Amy had to force the words past the lump in her throat, as Barry sat down taking his wife’s hand and nodded in response. Amy hated the fact that they were talking about Gwen rather than to her, but it was clear she was struggling to find the words she needed. ‘Right, I’m going to go and speak to someone to see if I can do anything to hurry things along a bit.’

‘Thank you.’ Gwen’s words were barely more than a whisper, and Amy couldn’t bear seeing her friend looking like a shadow of her former self. Gwen was everyone else’s cheerleader, her sense of humour unfailingly brightening up a tough day. It didn’t seem possible that something could come along to dim that light, and she hoped with all her heart that Barry was right about something else causing his wife’s symptoms.

* * *

By the time Amy left the hospital, Gwen had already been given a series of blood tests and was booked in for both a CT scan and an MRI. Amy had been there when Barry began listing the symptoms, which had been reassuring and terrifying at the same time. Amy had googled aphasia at the first opportunity, and while Gwen seemed to be having some trouble focusing on getting her words out the way she wanted to, the other symptoms she had didn’t seem to fit at all. Amy felt a wave of relief as Barry reeled off the things that had been happening, until she realised just how many symptoms Gwen had been experiencing. It might not be aphasia, but it could be something just as terrifying.

There’d been the problems with Gwen’s memory and concentration, slurred words and slowed movements, all of which they’d thought initially might be caused by the UTI, but which hadn’t cleared up when Gwen’s water infection had. There’d also been dizziness, headaches, muscle weakness and nausea, which had left Amy wondering if it was something neurological. She’d had a patient come in before with similar symptoms, who’d been diagnosed with a brain tumour, and Amy had been desperate for the doctors to find something that would prove Gwen didn’t have anything like that. Even with the barrage of tests that had been ordered, it would probably be a while before they knew what was wrong. She’d eventually had to leave the hospital with a heavy heart, having made Meg promise to call her if there was any news, so that she could come back and offer Gwen whatever support might be needed.

Before she’d left work, she’d gone in to check on her friend one last time and had found Gwen all on her own.

‘Where’s Barry?’

‘Gone outside to cry.’ Gwen had still sounded exhausted, but there was far more clarity in her speech.

‘Oh Gwen.’ Amy had wanted to cry too, but she’d dug her fingernails into her palms instead.

‘I’ve always dreaded losing him, but it’s going to kill him if I’m really ill.’ Gwen had sighed heavily, leaning back against the pillow. ‘But that’s what comes of going all in, isn’t it? Love should be all or nothing, otherwise it’s a waste of the life you could have had.’

Amy had wanted to promise Gwen that she’d be okay, but that wasn’t a promise she could make. Instead, she said one thing she knew for certain to be true. ‘Not many people get to have a love like you two, and it’s pretty obvious you haven’t wasted a moment of the time you’ve spent together.’

Gwen had squeezed her hand after that, too tired to continue the conversation and Amy had waited until Barry returned, his eyes red rimmed just as Gwen had predicted. There was no way Amy would have left before Barry came back, and she’d texted Lijah to let him know she was running late. He’d replied straight away, telling her not to rush and asking if it would be okay for him to take Monty around to visit Albert, so that he didn’t have to cancel the scheduled visit. The vet had said Monty could go for short walks now and that he could be taken out in the car, so she’d been happy to agree. The truth was Monty would probably be okay to be left alone now, but then she’d have no reason to see Lijah as often as she did, especially when Amy had been the one to insist they kept things casual. She knew that seeing him as little as possible was the safest thing to do, but Monty had given her an excuse not to listen to that logic. Soon that excuse would be gone, and as much as she was delighted that Monty was nearly better, not seeing Lijah almost every day was a prospect she didn’t want to think about too much.

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